DH jokingly calling me a bitch

[GrootGroot]

DH has recently begun jokingly referring to me as a bitch (biii-ach) multiple times now. Yesterday I made a breakfast of bagels, bacon and eggs for everyone and DH asked if I had toasted a stack of bagels? I said no, I could only do one at a time in the toaster. He then said “well you could have used the grill but you are a lazy biiii-ach” DS heard him and told him don’t call me that. DH told everyone not to be so serious etc.

He also whispers (bitch) but again with a smile on his face (it’s cos you’re a bitch) and tickles me or tries to play fight.

Seeking opinions please? There has been historical verbal abuse (very bad stuff) and historical emotional abuse but in arguments he has stopped saying the worst, most dreadful stuff he used to say but seeking opinions on him jokingly calling me a bitch? He says I’m being sensitive.

He's not joking. He doesn't like you

Forget wondering why he is doing it and ask what you are going to do about it.

Maybe call him the equivalent and see how he feels. Twat. Prick. Dick head. Knob head etc etc

He isn't joking. He thinks he you are a bitch, and his property and he can do what he wants with you.
He sounds appalling.

I've read more.

I despair of the world we are in when women don't know when they are being abused.

You are being mentally abused.
You are being physically abused.
I suspect you're being financially controlled too.
Your kids are being emotionally damaged to

You clearly have had a shit upbringing, don't let your children's crap childhood last another minute.

@GrootGroot he's obviously abusive from what you have written so now really all you have to do is think about the practicalities of getting yourself away from him.

Do you rent/own together, for a start?

OP your husband is a bully and a horrible individual. Jokes are not jokes if only the person telling them is laughing. Laughing at the end of a sentence that includes calling your wife a bitch is not a joke.
He sounds like an absolute dick

The name calling is awful but to read about the grabbing etc too! You deserve so much better than someone who has no respect for you, and to act / speak like this in front of your children is vile.

I very much hope you’re now in a position to leave.
it won’t necessarily be easy to tell people, but remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation if you don’t want to give it.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you can leave sooner rather than later x

Not sure i would suggest that, he sounds dangerous and unhinged. I would be very quietly making moves to get away and would absolutely not tell him anything or further provoke him.

Maybe you're right but it might be the wake up that @GrootGroot needs. Hopefully it wouldn't be a too high a price paid.

I wouldn't call him names in return. Things may well escalate if you do.

What he is doing now- the name calling and unwanted touching- are about pushing your boundaries back and back and back. I think he is potentially dangerous and agree with quietly plotting your exit.

He means this. He has no respect for you, which means he has no love for you. He has contempt for you. Abusers escalate, and this makes me fearful for you. Please get out.

I don't really understand your reasoning. Why would saying things back be a wake up call for op? I would actually think it would be a provocation and quite dangerous to answer back. Btw, I have been in this situation and answering back against a full grown abusive man doesn't have the results you might expect. They don't back down against similar retorts, not at all.

I take your point it's a bad idea and I doubt the OP would have done it anyway. I was thinking if he reacted she'd feel she had enough reason to leave. Sometimes abused women want more to justify going.

Good luck @GrootGroot

Tell him it upsets you and not to do it again. If he keeps doing it he values power and control over respecting you

You are giving him the impression that he has control over you by sticking around. In fact if you've given up trying to leave him and resigned yourself to it, he's right, he can do anything it seems and you will stick around. So he's testing to see how far he can push it, and to him it's sport, that's why he's smiling to himself, because he enjoys the abuse, not because it's funny.
Until you finally leave, it will keep happening in one form or another. Its a shame you'd rather put money first and let your DC's watch it all as they grow up. Does he earn well and give you plenty to live off? If not, you've nothing to loose really, it's just making excuses out of fear of change.

If mine tried that stunt he’d be wearing his fucking breakfast……not a joke, not funny, get rid of….end of.

"Explain the joke because I don't get it?"

He hates you and you need to leave him.

I’m sorry to be so blunt but that’s really all there is to it.

Not only is that abusive behaviour but he is also modelling how to behave in a relationship with your children. How would you feel if your son spoke to his partner like that or your daughter was on the receiving end?