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Original poster

Alone on Christmas Eve as DP is disorganised

135 replies

DisorganisedLife · 24/12/2024 07:57

My DP has 50/50 ish custody of his kids (he has slightly more). We don’t yet live together. I have DC of my own but they are more independent as they are a little older. I’ve had 90% custody for my DC’s whole childhood plus working so while I have some sympathy, I also don’t 😂 and he has very helpful parents who do a lot of the childcare, I didn’t have this.

All of our DC are at their other parents this year so we have them all on Boxing Day. We will eat together tomorrow and then do it properly Boxing Day with our family.

DP and I are spending Christmas together at mine as it’s bigger. But he has told me that he has done absolutely nothing ready for Christmas and expects to ‘be round pretty late’ tonight as he is wrapping all the presents. His DC will leave late afternoon to their mums.

I offered to help, to do it together or come to his house, but he said no don’t worry he also has to clean his whole house and do all the laundry. I have spent the last weekend and evenings doing all this to get on top of everything and I’m all up to date. I was expecting to help him wrap but also watch a movie, have fun, eat food.

Look, I’ve spent my fair share of single Christmas’ and been alone Xmas eve many many times, I can entertain myself but I am in a couple so I was not expecting us to be in separate houses all evening because he has left everything until the last minute and won’t accept any help. It’s too late for me to make any other plans. AIBU to be a bit annoyed

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 24/12/2024 22:03

DisorganisedLife · 24/12/2024 21:21

I’m at his house now, it’s getting late. We wrapped stuff together, he had to do everything in the house but he does such stupid unnecessary shit. I cleaned the whole kitchen and sorted out the kids room as absolute bomb sites. He’s filling up a bag from his fridge with old mouldy food and won’t use a proper rubbish bag, he is insisting on using a tiny little old bread bag and nothing fits in it, so it’s over flowing. he doesn’t have a food waste bin and won’t use food waste bags but insists on separating food from other waste - fair enough but these gross bags of old food on the worktop make me irrationally angry. They literally invented a solution for it 😂

Guess what it wasn’t fun we haven’t watched any movies I am tired now gotta drive home.

Yeah, sorry to quote myself like a berk but this was what I imagined would happen when I said
What's less fair is that he got fun kid time by putting off work, which is a valid choice for him to make, but is less good if you end up with two loads of work time and no relaxing as a result.

Plus, whose presents is he wrapping tonight? You two aren't doing presents. Don't tell me it was the kids and he'll have to take them round last minute.

Take the lesson from tonight and don't move in with him while he's like this. Hope you get a more restful day tomorrow! Happy Christmas.

SquirrelSoShiny · 24/12/2024 22:05

SquirrelSoShiny · 24/12/2024 13:32

I understand why you're irritated I would be too. Don't rush to move in with him until he proves he is going to be a partner rather than another child to be mum to.

I might just keep repeating this post until the thread is full.

As someone with ADHD I do wonder if he has ADHD too. Either way, you need to know what you can live with. Please don't rush to move in with him.

Starseeking · 24/12/2024 22:22

DisorganisedLife · 24/12/2024 21:21

I’m at his house now, it’s getting late. We wrapped stuff together, he had to do everything in the house but he does such stupid unnecessary shit. I cleaned the whole kitchen and sorted out the kids room as absolute bomb sites. He’s filling up a bag from his fridge with old mouldy food and won’t use a proper rubbish bag, he is insisting on using a tiny little old bread bag and nothing fits in it, so it’s over flowing. he doesn’t have a food waste bin and won’t use food waste bags but insists on separating food from other waste - fair enough but these gross bags of old food on the worktop make me irrationally angry. They literally invented a solution for it 😂

Guess what it wasn’t fun we haven’t watched any movies I am tired now gotta drive home.

Sounds like he wanted you to come round to do the work "he was too disorganised to do".

Are you sure he isn't employing a bit of strategies incompetence here???

This is why your life will look like if you live with him, and you'll be back on here with another post asking how you can help him change. (Answer: You can't. This is who he is.)

Rhaidimiddim · 24/12/2024 22:42

Well, I hope you learned something that might make you think twice before moving in with him.

JimHalpertsWife · 24/12/2024 23:08

So you went round, did a load of wifework and then drove home?

Have you booked your appointment at the tattoo parlour and picked out the font for your Mug tattoo?

Seriously. Ditch.

GraciousMe · 24/12/2024 23:20

Think long and hard about this OP. Whether he can help it or not is one thing, but after 20 odd years I can tell you it really starts to grate! I'm sad tonight because I really, really, really wanted just one Christmas where it's not sabotaged in some way by DP's lack of planning. It NEVER happens smoothly unless I do everything, and this year I've been behind due to lots of family ill health and a bereavement.

Similar to the mince pies, this weekend DP suddenly gave priority to rearranging the book shelves and changing the lead on a lamp, both positive, helpful things, but that SO could have waited. He 'got distracted' by them. I wouldn't have minded but because of this we literally only finished the tree today (the only decoration we've got this year) on top of present buying, wrapping and full food shop as it was closing. Worst record ever! 😩

He too is a good and loving dad, but it breaks me reading all these threads about how focussed and planned everyone else's is. It's like groundhog day every year! But it's not just Christmas!! We are very likely splitting in the New Year Sad

INeedAnotherName · 24/12/2024 23:26

DisorganisedLife · 24/12/2024 21:21

I’m at his house now, it’s getting late. We wrapped stuff together, he had to do everything in the house but he does such stupid unnecessary shit. I cleaned the whole kitchen and sorted out the kids room as absolute bomb sites. He’s filling up a bag from his fridge with old mouldy food and won’t use a proper rubbish bag, he is insisting on using a tiny little old bread bag and nothing fits in it, so it’s over flowing. he doesn’t have a food waste bin and won’t use food waste bags but insists on separating food from other waste - fair enough but these gross bags of old food on the worktop make me irrationally angry. They literally invented a solution for it 😂

Guess what it wasn’t fun we haven’t watched any movies I am tired now gotta drive home.

This is your future. Look at it very, very carefully.

Of course he wants to move in with you, you make a great mummy and he will get to do sod all in adulting terms.

It's a fucking awful future so why do you want it?

Blanketssese · 25/12/2024 09:59

OP, you would want to be completely desperate and out of your mind to allow this idiot to move into your home.

Of course he wants to move in.
He knows you will take over being skivvy to himself and his kids.

You will ruin your home for your children too.

Do not do it.

Spend money on counselling to figure out why you are tolerating this and thinking of ruining your life and the home of your children by moving a lazy disorganised idiot into it.

Civilservant · 27/12/2024 16:03

You went over and cleaned his kitchen and DCs’ bedrooms! Why?

Your list of his ‘disorganisation’ would put many people right off dating him!

Jamlighter · 27/12/2024 19:24

You like this man, and enjoy his company. Keep it that way and don't move in together. If your strengths are getting everything done and his is being fun Bobby that is not a team and will ruin what you do have.

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