Alone on Christmas Eve as DP is disorganised

[DisorganisedLife]

My DP has 50/50 ish custody of his kids (he has slightly more). We don’t yet live together. I have DC of my own but they are more independent as they are a little older. I’ve had 90% custody for my DC’s whole childhood plus working so while I have some sympathy, I also don’t 😂 and he has very helpful parents who do a lot of the childcare, I didn’t have this.

All of our DC are at their other parents this year so we have them all on Boxing Day. We will eat together tomorrow and then do it properly Boxing Day with our family.

DP and I are spending Christmas together at mine as it’s bigger. But he has told me that he has done absolutely nothing ready for Christmas and expects to ‘be round pretty late’ tonight as he is wrapping all the presents. His DC will leave late afternoon to their mums.

I offered to help, to do it together or come to his house, but he said no don’t worry he also has to clean his whole house and do all the laundry. I have spent the last weekend and evenings doing all this to get on top of everything and I’m all up to date. I was expecting to help him wrap but also watch a movie, have fun, eat food.

Look, I’ve spent my fair share of single Christmas’ and been alone Xmas eve many many times, I can entertain myself but I am in a couple so I was not expecting us to be in separate houses all evening because he has left everything until the last minute and won’t accept any help. It’s too late for me to make any other plans. AIBU to be a bit annoyed

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It's a busy time of year and he's still coming over he just has things to do.

I'd be doing the same.

I'd bloody love the day to myself. I'd be encouraging him to do not rush. 😂

@DisorganisedLife - if you’ve set your bar so low, you can’t be disappointed when that’s the best he can do. You know he’s disorganized and said you’re prepared to put up with it. This is a natural consequence. I wouldn’t because there’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t value your time or feelings, but if this has always been the dynamic, it should come as no surprise.

i last saw him on Sunday.. I’m working today he isn’t.

I finish work at 5pm. I am alone until the morning - which is fine, but he doesn’t have a great track record at getting up in the AM either. This weekend I got up with his kids he slept in till 10am. I woke him up in the end as we were bored and wanted to go do something.

I will repost what time he arrives tomorrow. it will be nearer lunchtime I expect and he has half the food for our Xmas dinner so I won’t be able to even start cooking it 😂. We don’t have any gifts for each other so tomorrow is just a holding day until Boxing Day.

I can have lots of baths and watch lots of TV

It Is really quiet at work and I’ve been up since 6am. I now have no plans until lunchtime tomorrow which I wasn’t expecting. As I repeated I am disappointed not in a rage

I know I am more annoyed with myself as I should know this is going to happen and have no expectations of him because he always does this. It’s on me

@TheCheeryLeaderI feel you are projecting and for some strange reason I have an inkling that people might find you a bit irritating.

Yep first post says he’s coming later tonight but now it’s tomorrow with half the food.

Yes he was saying he will come late tonight

I don’t really fancy that

he will be rushing and it’s late we will just go to sleep what’s the point I might as well just enjoy my own evening and he can have his stressed one

so I said on this post he might as well come tomorrow and that is what I have told him to do as it’s easier for everyone

so I imagine tomorrow will stretch into nearly lunchtime as he sleeps late. Perhaps he will prove me wrong 😂
he has half of the Xmas day food, he has all the veg

Similar situation here - and I have no real issue with it, he has his kids yada yada yada BUT we also have a 4 year old of our own. Which means I become default parent all day, and I don't care what anyone says, it IS irksome! He volunteered to take our DS out with him but then I spend Christmas Eve completely on my own - wasn't up for that - so our little one is baking biscuits and mince pies with me and we'll have a nice time together!

It’s Christmas Eve really that such a big of a deal Together, I think most people as an adult wouldn’t even be bothered because you can just chill yourself

Maybe it is my posting that’s confusing but I feel like maybe I am being goaded? Feels weird anyway

He is saying he will come late
I don’t want that
I’ve suggested just coming tomorrow instead
I suspect he will come late tomorrow too but that’s tomorrows problem
I have a disorganised man and partly my own fault

No I replied to his message after I posted here, someone suggested this was probably better and I agree. It was @Civilservant who posted, thanks

The difference in your scenario is that you have a little child, but I think adults is completely different

You know what he's like from previous experience. I can understand your disappointment, feeling let down, but he's not likely to change. Either you accept he probably won't organise himself and always have a plan B (in fact, make him the plan B so you're suprised if he does actually get his shit together) or you split up.

My ex was disrespectful of my time. I would give him so long (depending on what we'd arranged), then tell him I'd made other plans. Even if he then said he was on his way, as far as I was concerned it was too late and I didn't want to waste any more of my day on someone who couldn't be bothered to sort themselves out.

Not everyone is good at organising themselves. I’m a bit last minute but work hard and I’m knackered. My husband often has to run around Christmas Eve too due to working so much. Go easy on him. You have the power to change it and have a great Christmas together. He’ll know what your expectations are next year.

I get it I get it, I’m pathetic for caring it’s Christmas. I’m an adult, I’m a moody knob. Yes I get it. People don’t need to keep repeating it. I was looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend.

I already said I spent plenty of Christmas alone, I agree I am an adult nothing bad happens. You can just watch TV and eat cheese. I am a well seasoned single person at Christmas. We had plans regardless of the day, he hasn’t planned ahead so now it’s all changed and I majorly regret ever posting this so I will not come back to give any updates

This weekend I got up with his kids he slept in till 10am. I woke him up in the end as we were bored and wanted to go do something.

@DisorganisedLife don't turn yourself into a doormat for someone who does not prioritise spending the little available time you both have, together.

What a load of rubbish! He's just disorganised and, like lots of men people, hadn't anticipated how long it actually takes to do all the wrapping and shopping and cleaning. Admittedly, he could have accepted OP's offer of help, but possibly he's wrapping her gifts too?