Alone on Christmas Eve as DP is disorganised

[DisorganisedLife]

My DP has 50/50 ish custody of his kids (he has slightly more). We don’t yet live together. I have DC of my own but they are more independent as they are a little older. I’ve had 90% custody for my DC’s whole childhood plus working so while I have some sympathy, I also don’t 😂 and he has very helpful parents who do a lot of the childcare, I didn’t have this.

All of our DC are at their other parents this year so we have them all on Boxing Day. We will eat together tomorrow and then do it properly Boxing Day with our family.

DP and I are spending Christmas together at mine as it’s bigger. But he has told me that he has done absolutely nothing ready for Christmas and expects to ‘be round pretty late’ tonight as he is wrapping all the presents. His DC will leave late afternoon to their mums.

I offered to help, to do it together or come to his house, but he said no don’t worry he also has to clean his whole house and do all the laundry. I have spent the last weekend and evenings doing all this to get on top of everything and I’m all up to date. I was expecting to help him wrap but also watch a movie, have fun, eat food.

Look, I’ve spent my fair share of single Christmas’ and been alone Xmas eve many many times, I can entertain myself but I am in a couple so I was not expecting us to be in separate houses all evening because he has left everything until the last minute and won’t accept any help. It’s too late for me to make any other plans. AIBU to be a bit annoyed

I'm with you OP. I hate it when a plan is in place (even if its a "soft" plan) that get changed at the last minute

As you say, you could have made alternative plans but it's now too late

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time

I'd not be happy at all. I'd just tell him that will be ready at x prompt but if you can't make it, no worries, see you on Christmas day.

Sounds like a man child.

I wouldn't be happy either OP - a nice Christmas Eve with food and company was the plan and he's disorganised so isn't doing that!

I live with my husband but I was pushing him to finish things off till late last night, to make sure we could fully relax this evening!

To be honest @DisorganisedLife i think you’re getting a hard time unfairly. You’ve been very clear you aren’t sulking or giving him a hard tme, just asking whether YABU to be disappointed. To answer that, no you aren’t. You had plans and he’s just a bit shit so you lose out which is part of a pattern. I get there is no malice, but you’re ways getting the shitty end of the stick and realising that is unpleasant .
Up to you what you do with that, but I generally choose to be single over a relationship that makes me feel generally a bit sad and bottom of the list. May be worth a conversation post Xmas when you’re both calm to help him understand how you feel and see if he makes a change.

Enjoy your movie & cheese- happy Christmas!

I think you are making too big a deal. Christmas eve is blokes' shopping day. Everyone knows that. DH is off out now to buy a few bits. THEN he will start his wrapping!!

I like to be done by Christmas eve so I can relax. I once was still wrapping on Christmas day and it was shit so I've learned to be more organised. I also wrapped Christmas eve before now znd it's exhausting. So no I don't. Clearly you are the same and your DP is in the lady minute camp. Neither way is wrong.

You are making Christmas eve out to be a holiday. You are buying into the insta bollocks of Everyone is chilling out having hot chocolate and watching films. This is not true for everyone. Some people still work, others will be prepping Christmas food. Just because you're sat around at a loose end, doesn't mean Everyone is. Your DP included.

Enjoy the day to yourself in your clean and tidy house and pile of well wrapped gifts. Chill out.

This.

and no, YANBU to feel disappointed. Sounds like you’re the last of his priorities and he doesn’t make the effort to put others first.

A disorganised person will always be exactly that.

You're not ever planning on living together are you.

Tbh, if he has small children and works, and given that he’s a man, he’s not even going to start on doing everything till after the kids have left.
We all know it’s hard trying to to do things with small dc around, and if they are young, he might not have got his around the fact that you need to start shopping and wrapping well in advance. Now he’s realising he’s bitten off more than he chew, and it’s too late to change that. At least he’s given you a heads up,
But I do sympathise, it’s very frustrating for you thinking you were going to be able to enjoy Christmas Eve together.
Can you take yourself out somewhere, a pub with live music, cinema or something?

Tell him you are organised and had hoped to spend Christmas eve evening together as well as Christmas morning. You are happy to help him, if that doesnt work for him then please come over early tomorrow.

He isnt going to gey up early and come over by luck, you need to ask.

If the kids are going in the afternoon wouldn't he have wrapped and given the presents by then?

Well I haven't wrapped any of my presents yet! I will be spending all evening doing it as usual.
Perhaps he just sees it as another day to get ready for tomorrow. As long as he turns up at some point tonight I wouldn't personally have a massive problem with it.

I would be disappointed too
I would feel like he didn't want to spend time with me, especially as you offered to help wrap presents.
It's not as if Christmas Day changes, like Easter does
If he's usually disorganised though. That is part of who he is.

Low level frustration is spot on.

We have spoken (like grown ups) and I said look don’t add stress on to your day, get done what needs doing and then we can see each other tomorrow. So he replied are you annoyed? I responded that I am just trying to find the best solution to suit everyone and then he suddenly panics and said are you alone tonight? I said yes I already told you I was. He claims to have no recollection of that but he has ever so graciously changed his mind that he would like some help and we can hang out together so I am invited to his house 🙄

I haven’t accepted this exciting invite yet. I did originally offer so I only have myself to blame

And yes we have been planning to move in together. He has convinced me that 2 people together will make a better team and play to each others strengths.

Am I a huge big sports direct sized mug?

I am totally disorganised and would hate trying to do all the wrapping etc with everyone else. He is prioritising you above anyone on Christmas day. If I was in his shoes, I would love you to get on with your day and make the most of the time he has tonight/tomorrow. Life is complicated and he is making lots of time and space for you. You can feel whatever you want to feel about it but that doesn't make it his problem.

You’re not a mug OP its just you and him are very different people and the way you live seems to be a total mismatch.

Im more like your DP in that I just sort of drift along going with flow.

Its whether you can just accept each others different ways or if the way you both are is too big a bridge to cross

2 people together will make a better team and play to each others strengths

I know he is a nice bloke and a good dad and probably good company by the sound of it, but does he also have strengths that would make your life better on a domestic, day to day basis? If not, I might be tempted to keep living arrangements separate so you can continue to enjoy being with him without adding daily frustrations and irritations that might spoil things.

OP didn’t get up to look after his kids 😂

She woke up and got up. DC woke up and got up. Lazy bollocks carried on sleeping.

Should everybody have waited in bed until DP woke up?

Today is a normal work day for most, I'm wrapping currently (sorry working from home) washing machine is on the go and I'm needing to buy groceries for Thursday night/Friday as shops won't be open .., not everyone is organised (and I need to pick dsd up at 5 then get stuck on the m5)

FWIW, I'd feel exactly the same!

A few years ago, my boyfriend at the time was coming on Christmas day for lunch and to stay for a few days. My daughter was 4 at the time - he kept saying he was on his way all day, then turned up at 6pm and was upset we'd already eaten. That was my last Christmas with him 😂

He has convinced me that 2 people together will make a better team and play to each others strengths

Home and family life, what are his strengths?

Posters are being snipey because you are implying a single parent who works is an inconsiderate boyfriend because he isn't organised enough to have his house clean and all presents wrapped early on Christmas eve. As a disorganised person I've always dreamed of having everything ready by Christmas eve so I can enjoy it stress free with my family, but I've just never managed it, and it isn't because I'm thoughtless and haven't tried and don't care.

You’re not a mug but I’d be making it clear that the moving in thing is on hold until you’re convinced that the ‘team’ doesn’t just mean that it would be convenient for him to have you in the background as a safety net for his disorganisation and laziness.

He has organised himself. It's just completely different to you.
Just enjoy tomorrow and chill out.

@User28473 Yeah I get it but in my OP I said I have my kids far more, with far less help. I don’t really have any choice but to wash our clothes? He chooses to do fun activities over doing laundry then he is stressed no clean laundry. Everyone is different I didn’t say he was inconsiderate I said he was disorganised. If I thought he was an asshole I would have already dumped him. He is great company and I do love him. I know I can’t change him. I worry team would be me nagging and him lagging and a vicious cycle