Guy asked me my religion within 15 mins of first date! Bin him?

[LaBrasseria2024]

Hi all,

Dipped my toe in OLD about a year ago. It's been a year lol. 32 female.

I went on a date with a guy a few weeks back.

Perhaps my post would be better in Craicnet (I'm N.I)

The guy asked me within 15 mins of the date if I was a particular religion ( his religion) obviously hoping that I was.

I just think it's a bit rude and a touchy subject in N.I, especially one a first date.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone this as I don't feel it's appropriate and it doesn't matter to me. I wasn't brought up like that!

I brushed it under the carpet as I wouldn't want an argument on the first date. Apart from that we got on and I found other things he said very funny.

We have texted quite a bit since, second date arranged, but I had to cancel due to being sick.

But it has played on my mind he felt it okay to ask me this. He is a 35 year old man and should know better, ffs!

Am I being oversensitive? Or should I throw this one back?

Oh 100% my nom de plume is liz as in mn parlance my first name is way too outing in uncertain company. And I mean j deployed it less than a year ago

@ForFunAmberDeer - sorry, my post about not being up for being just for shagging was for you! I don't want to be his 'social experiment' on shagging someone from the other side! ☹️

Eugh, back to the drawing board I go!

@StrawberryDream24 - yea that poster is completely and utterly clueless! Why am I getting called a bigot?! I'm anything but!!

Maybe that is doing the guy a disservice, he might be quite genuine. I would see if he comes up with another date and go from there. I do know a woman who is now married to and has a baby w a man VERY much of the other persuasion who made some similarly crass comments when they first met and his family were extremely opposed but it's all rosy in the garden now so it can happen

@ForFunAmberDeer - we did get along apart from that! But it's just niggling in my head SO much. I would be mortified if I said something to offend someone on a date like that! The man is 35 ffs!

I would feel v intimidated if it got to the point of meeting his friends etc, so I sort of think, what's the point?

He wouldn't say if to one of his work colleagues, so why say it to me?

I don't see the point in wasting time trying to suss out something so straightforward, if it's important to him, but if his question has bothered you, it's just as well you found out early on that he's not as subtle as you'd like.

I (sort of mixed but raised Protesant) got into a relationship with a Catholic man for about a year.

Mid way through the relationship, I noticed he had a tooled leather belt with (not gonna attempt the Irish) a famous Irish republican motto (Our day will come). I asked him why he was wearing a belt with that on it - he feigned surprise and says he'd just bought it at a stall, not knowing what was on it.
I was dubious at the time but let it go.

He asked me to take him to the Orange Order/band marches - as he'd never been, didn't feel safe going as a Catholic and was curious. I took him (I don't usually go) and he said he enjoyed it and it was much more of a family & community and carnival-y type thing than he expected. He was particularly admiring of a very well turned out band from Glasgow.

When we finished the relationship, he announced that he "hated all protestants anyway" and when he elaborated on why, he - with not a hint of awareness of the irony - said that it was because they are all bigots.

Lol.

When I tried to clarify what he meant, it transpired that because his sons had been disqualified in a sports event ...everyone in that club was bigoted and they disqualified them because they are prejudiced against Catholics.

They had been disqualified once (I think) by a very earnest, very genuine, very precise lady who was acting as race official and who would always do everything by the book. She even disqualified her own husband in an important race.
They would not have been disqualified due to anything other than her following the rules.

When I asked why, if he hated all protestants, he'd asked out a protestant woman - he had nothing to say.

Nowt as queer as folk.

.

This

There are six counties - 85 miles x 110 miles. Have you really not been to all of them if you've grown up in Belfast and still live in Belfast? That blows my mind......

Yes when put it like that...although from the things I've had to said to me you'd be surprised what people will say!

"normal people"? Excuse me?

Northern Irish. Throw this one back. It's still bothering you and I agree with everything you've said.

I mean I am joking, I've actually been all over ni with work and visiting friends. It's a trope that Belfast people only know Belfast....

Oh I see now. You're the bigot here.

No point asking us normal people if were not from NI then. For anyone normal its a fair enough question. If you're worried about possible violence/killing people over silly beliefs then that's your problem.

Are you drunk?

Its a NI thing not a MN thing. You go back to your silly murals and armoured land rovers!

Are you English?

@StrawberryDream24 - oh god that is just shocking! That man doesn't sound very clever at all.

I would love to ask this man I went on a date with why he seems to continue to want to date me- but yes I feel like I wouldn't get much of an answer!

I am looking for something long term/a partner, so I feel given his attitude against my 'side' it could potentially be a waste of time for me!

Its a NI thing not a MN thing

Posters from NI are on MN.

Just like posters from Wales and posters from Scotland are on MN.

And further afield.

I bet you're one of those English people who aren't sure what the UK is made up of .... Even though it's on the front of your fucking passport.

Sleep off the wine.
Unfortunately you can't sleep off your personality.

@StrawberryDream24 - there really are some denser than dense people on this thread aren't there? Like some of the worst comments I have seen on MN in some time!

I don't think it's that weird to ask. And it's not really about if he is a church goer, it's more a cultural thing to understand the other person in some ways.

And the joke about where you are from could just be seen as innocent ribbing but if it bother you then it bother you. Don't pursue anything

I'm northern Irish and in a mixed marriage and we joked about religion from very early on the so that might cloud my judgement. I personally wouldn't have been offended by the question

Aw dumber than a sack of spanners (but convinced he's very intelligent).

He could want to know your community, just to know... In terms of his family asking him, or his your family might respond to him, or to be careful.anoit what he says (which wouldn't be good) and still be interested in a relationship.

Or he could be just pursuing something casual, having established your community.

Or he could be undecided and seeing how it goes/if it continues to go well and be "worth" dealing with any cross community stuff (!).

Only he knows (he might not even know).

He's aware of it though, pushed for clarity and has made a crass joke and I would be inclined to think that makes him incompatible with you. Because you don't think that way. The class thing might matter too. Let's face it, the issues in NI are often class related (or certainly stronger within working classes ... Or the ahem state sponsored leisure class)

I say you should ask him. There is so much cognitive dissonance and living in silos that many people don't actually consider themselves to be bigots despite being breathtakingly so, and so casually

go back to your silly murals and armoured land rovers

Yeah the people of Northern Ireland chose to have armoured land rovers driving our streets; it was voted for in a poll, just after the poll about whether we wanted a virtual civil war. And before the poll about how often wanted bombings and shootings.
There was also a poll in the rest of the UK about whether they wanted their sons in the army back alive.

You FUCK WIT.

Nothing wrong about being transparent and honest. He probably had a terrible experience before by not asking? And now he learned his lesson. He just doesn't want to waste his time.

When I was growing up (during The Troubles), if you didn't have a name that was very obviously from one community or the other that gave away your background, we were warned never to ask or answer that question. We were also told never to ask or mention what school we went to, what sports we played, or what part of the country we lived it.

In those days, it made sense because of what was going on around us, and it was also a form of politeness that you offered strangers to forestall awkwardness that might arise from being from opposite sides of the community divide.

But, perhaps in my innocence, I thought that nowadays this type of sussing out someone's background wasn't something that most people here had to worry about, especially people your age.

I'm older than you so that question would instantly get my back up for being impolite, and inappropriate, but if you find him generally not annoying there's no harm in trying a second date to see how it goes. But I would also think that if he asked that question so early on a first date then he's either somehow managed to grow up here and not realise that this is considered a social faux pas or it's an issue that's important to him for some reason (hopefully not a sectarian one).

Best of luck OP.

I find this interesting because as a professional woman from a working class background I have been continually genuinely shocked by the level of ignorance and bigotry I have encountered in my work which is overwhelmingly from seemingly nice mc people. They actually are much more practised and frankly sinister as they have had every benefit of education and society and hold views under the nice surface that you wouldn't believe. I have more respect for someone who doesn't put on the pretence and is quite blatant about it. Ime it's actually much more common in the middle class.