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Original poster

Guy asked me my religion within 15 mins of first date! Bin him?

306 replies

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:49

Hi all,

Dipped my toe in OLD about a year ago. It's been a year lol. 32 female.

I went on a date with a guy a few weeks back.

Perhaps my post would be better in Craicnet (I'm N.I)

The guy asked me within 15 mins of the date if I was a particular religion ( his religion) obviously hoping that I was.

I just think it's a bit rude and a touchy subject in N.I, especially one a first date.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone this as I don't feel it's appropriate and it doesn't matter to me. I wasn't brought up like that!

I brushed it under the carpet as I wouldn't want an argument on the first date. Apart from that we got on and I found other things he said very funny.

We have texted quite a bit since, second date arranged, but I had to cancel due to being sick.

But it has played on my mind he felt it okay to ask me this. He is a 35 year old man and should know better, ffs!

Am I being oversensitive? Or should I throw this one back?

OP posts:
Bloonket · 23/12/2024 01:23

LaBrasseria2024 · 22/12/2024 23:52

@MumChp - it's N.I, so it's a bit of a touchy subject

If it’s impt to him, he should ask. Respect his asking, and not being too politically N.I. Correct to ask.

Maybe he was asking to see if you were religious. You are putting your views onto him.

What if he asked if you ate gluten?
were vegan?
How you voted?

IMO … you are the awkward one on this date.

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:23

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting - I would be middle class. He would be more working class, but yes, he is well educated and moved away from his hometown almost 20 years ago, still obviously cares though 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:24

@Bloonket - you really don't get it lol.

OP posts:
Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 23/12/2024 01:24

I just get that vibe, from the answer you felt you had to give

Most definitely but also because the OP's posts carry an air of inferiority (sad but true).

An old friend once told me (during a chat where I was being very idealistic about the NI situation), that unless one has lived through the experiences which shapes ones beliefs, one cannot possibly understand or judge.

It is a place I'd never want to live.

StrawberryDream24 · 23/12/2024 01:25

Bloonket · 23/12/2024 01:23

If it’s impt to him, he should ask. Respect his asking, and not being too politically N.I. Correct to ask.

Maybe he was asking to see if you were religious. You are putting your views onto him.

What if he asked if you ate gluten?
were vegan?
How you voted?

IMO … you are the awkward one on this date.

Show quote history

Congratulations on writing the worst post on this thread so far.

And it's not like you had no competition, yet you still managed it.

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:26

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting - what I would say though is he quite often makes trips back to his hometown, probably at least twice a month. He does have friends who never left their hometown! So perhaps when he sees them they are influencing his attitude a lot!

As I said, he does work for a very large corporate which is very mixed in terms of Protestant and catholic employees!

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 23/12/2024 01:26

Most definitely but also because the OP's posts carry an air of inferiority (sad but true).

No, they don't.

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:27

LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:20

@ForFunAmberDeer - are you back here for good? I do think about leaving, but it is deffo cheaper in Belfast in terms of COL than the likes of London!

I would have probably gone on the second date had I not been sick. However, I have had time to think about it more/run it by a few friends who were horrified! Their reaction made me think I was too understanding about it all

I've been back a few years don't really want to go again but can see it sort of looming for various reasons in the next few years. This is actually a great place to live.
I think go with your own gut. It's unbelievably crass and just cringe so if one of my friends told me a man said that I would be all in on castigating him. I would be have to speak to him about it though. I would say it is v true to say a certain level of petty bigot will keep seeing someone from the other side because it's a bit exotic almost, with no intention of becoming serious, which is fine ofc if you're also happy with it.

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:29

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 23/12/2024 01:24

I just get that vibe, from the answer you felt you had to give

Most definitely but also because the OP's posts carry an air of inferiority (sad but true).

An old friend once told me (during a chat where I was being very idealistic about the NI situation), that unless one has lived through the experiences which shapes ones beliefs, one cannot possibly understand or judge.

It is a place I'd never want to live.

Sorry so just to get this straight, you haven't a clue

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:31

LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:20

@ForFunAmberDeer - are you back here for good? I do think about leaving, but it is deffo cheaper in Belfast in terms of COL than the likes of London!

I would have probably gone on the second date had I not been sick. However, I have had time to think about it more/run it by a few friends who were horrified! Their reaction made me think I was too understanding about it all

I did leave for London but I came back!!! The pull of family and friends was too much and I didn't want to have a family there. I'm glad I did it though.

I grew up in a mixed farming community where nobody was that bothered and would always attend funerals no matter what church it was!

I went to uni and I made friends with many people from both communities and I never gave a damn.

Never in my life did I ever feel that anyone judged me because of my perceived community background until a few years ago. It was a work situation and I ended up having lunch every day with 2 ladies from the so-called 'opposite' community, and it never cost me a thought.

The other two ladies fell out with each other, one moved and the second never had lunch with me again. In fact, one day I walked into the canteen to hear her rush the till operator and say, "there's someone coming that I don't want to talk to!" I knew it could only be me.

Some time later, and I had a candid chat with lady no 1, who I have remained friends with, and she confirmed that lady no 2 disliked me purely because of the community I came from. That really bothered me. I'd never experienced that before. I still can't quite believe it but I have given her a wide berth since.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:32

LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:26

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting - what I would say though is he quite often makes trips back to his hometown, probably at least twice a month. He does have friends who never left their hometown! So perhaps when he sees them they are influencing his attitude a lot!

As I said, he does work for a very large corporate which is very mixed in terms of Protestant and catholic employees!

Is he from Ballymena? 😀

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:33

Grabyourpassportandmyhand · 23/12/2024 01:24

I just get that vibe, from the answer you felt you had to give

Most definitely but also because the OP's posts carry an air of inferiority (sad but true).

An old friend once told me (during a chat where I was being very idealistic about the NI situation), that unless one has lived through the experiences which shapes ones beliefs, one cannot possibly understand or judge.

It is a place I'd never want to live.

In spite of everything, it's actually a great place to live!

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:33

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:32

Is he from Ballymena? 😀

Show quote history

That's what I thought lol other home towns are available, but being from Belfast I neither know nor care about them!

Pinkbonbon · 23/12/2024 01:35

I wouldn't jump to 'he's a bigot' because he asked me my religion. There might be other evidence in his behaviour to suggest it tbf. But just on the basis of your dislike of the question I'd just as readily assume YOU were the bigot for having a problem with faith being brought up.

Touchy subject or not, it should be established early on if it's important to compatability for him. And fuck pussy footing around with guesswork questions.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:38

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:33

That's what I thought lol other home towns are available, but being from Belfast I neither know nor care about them!

Show quote history

Could be Portadown/Lurgan too?😁

MsAmerica · 23/12/2024 01:38

Yes, but what did you actually say?

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:41

Pinkbonbon · 23/12/2024 01:35

I wouldn't jump to 'he's a bigot' because he asked me my religion. There might be other evidence in his behaviour to suggest it tbf. But just on the basis of your dislike of the question I'd just as readily assume YOU were the bigot for having a problem with faith being brought up.

Touchy subject or not, it should be established early on if it's important to compatability for him. And fuck pussy footing around with guesswork questions.

Clearly she doesn't have a problem with his faith, he was the one making fun of where she was from?
There are social norms in this v divided society which I'm guessing you aren't from, they evolved to allow people to subtly know where they stand, for safety and politeness. It is considered the height of rudeness to blurt out the question, a hangover from times when replying with the wrong answer in the wrong company could easily lead to your death. Thankfully now it's just socially embarrassing.

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:42

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 23/12/2024 01:38

Could be Portadown/Lurgan too?😁

Show quote history

Seen those names on a road sign once I'm sure

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:43

It is a great place to live if it weren't for all this shit. It just bloody ruins things!

I was debating whether or not to mention to him that what he said bothered me and I don't want to see him again! The thing is it may confuse him as for the rest of the night we had fun etc, and talked so much after, but with more time to think it has really bothered me!

Yes I feel like I wouldn't be seen as serious gf material! Only shagging material and he could talk to his mates in the pub back in his hometown about the girl he is dating/shagging from 'the other side' . It's not what I want!/im not looking for casual.

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 23/12/2024 01:44

ForFunAmberDeer · 23/12/2024 01:41

Clearly she doesn't have a problem with his faith, he was the one making fun of where she was from?
There are social norms in this v divided society which I'm guessing you aren't from, they evolved to allow people to subtly know where they stand, for safety and politeness. It is considered the height of rudeness to blurt out the question, a hangover from times when replying with the wrong answer in the wrong company could easily lead to your death. Thankfully now it's just socially embarrassing.

Show quote history

There are still places where being the wrong religion/community in certain circumstances (e.g. drinking at night) could get you a beating though.

Especially as a male.

desperatedaysareover · 23/12/2024 01:44

@Pinkbonbon where we are from it’s often a loaded question. If it’s key to compatibility, ie. long term prospects, it indicates he’s a bigot, or from a bigoted family.

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:45

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting - oh that's an awful experience, very upsetting indeed, I would also give someone like that a wide berth!

No not ballymena, but similar as in, more of a country place....deffo not Belfast, not a city lol

OP posts:
Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:46

@Pinkbonbon - how the hell am I a bigot? You clearly don't understand N.I very well.

I would date anyone from any religion, because I'm not a bigot, I don't care.

This man made an offensive/sectarian remark / 'joke' about where I live. So how is he not a bigot?

Did you not read that part?

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 23/12/2024 01:47

LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:46

@Pinkbonbon - how the hell am I a bigot? You clearly don't understand N.I very well.

I would date anyone from any religion, because I'm not a bigot, I don't care.

This man made an offensive/sectarian remark / 'joke' about where I live. So how is he not a bigot?

Did you not read that part?

Clueless.

Original poster
LaBrasseria2024 · 23/12/2024 01:48

@ForFunAmberDeer - I have also seen them on a roadsign - I think 🤔 🤣🤣

I am from Belfast though and my knowledge of some smaller towns/sense of direction ain't great

OP posts: