I want men to approach me, what do I need to do?

[Thehighcostofloving]

I feel like men are a bit scared to approach women, because of how this can be problematic and women say they don’t like it. BUT I am a newly single woman who has not had a lot of attention recently and I really want to be approached by men who have an interest in having either sex or a relationship. I’m working on making myself more attractive with exercise, clothes and haircuts, but what other signals can I send out to get approached by men? I don’t like high heels, so that’s not going to happen (I also think if I wore heels I might tip
over into the “is she an escort?”
category). I’d like to be approached in person, not online. I’m trying to get out there, but obviously people are rightly paranoid about being inappropriate, as am I, hence why I want to be approached myself rather than the other way around.

Yes, but times have changed haven't they?

So:
You're happy to meet the kind of man who only wants sex;
But you're not looking for random hookups (14:56);
Your appearance is so sexualised that men tell you they thought you were on the game (Really?!? 14:05) ;
But men don't approach you;
You want to know how to attract male interest;
You have no problem with eye contact & conversation (13:28);
But say you're ND and socially inept.

I mean, this is self-contradictory. I hear what you're saying about your ND and hurtful relationship history - and it does take all sorts, but a woman with your claimed attributes would have no difficulty finding casual partners of an acceptable calibre.

So I'm wondering which part you've left out? Are you, perhaps, a woman of the male variety? No judgement on that, but it's the simplest match for the condition you've outlined. Otherwise, I'd suggest counselling/coaching as a higher priority than your dating strategy.

Online dating and use a recent non cropped photo.

I’m really confused about what I want right now. I can’t imagine hooking up with a man I met online but I could in person, I think.

Yes I’m socially different but I’m quite confident at the same time as that, it just means people point out to me how weird I am quite often as I don’t stop myself from interacting.

It’s not been very long and I’m impatient. I also don’t know how to find these casual partners. I am a little bit desperate, which I know I need to deal with…it can only cause trouble.

I’m getting some therapy after some unsuccessful counselling.

I mean, your responses do read like a computer program learning as it goes along but anyway

smile
stand up straight
dress plain
look like you are happy and confident in your skin

join male hobby groups. Sailing, gym, hiking, dungeons and dragons, IT things, photography, vinyl
follow news, TV program s so you have chit chat

good luck

Funny. I’m doing a lot of rebuilding of my personality after a break up that has caused me some trauma. I’m not surprised that I read like a computer program learning… that’s how I’ve been feeling!

I'm a single woman who enjoys attention from the right kind of men (ie men I find attractive!). I don't get much of it because:

• I walk fast and I'm always in a rush. No guy is going to chat me up at the gym as I dash out to make my next appointment.

• I have the worst resting bitch face, I've been told this many times. I would be too scared to approach me.

• I always have my headphones on, so no guy is going to say anything to me and risk the embarrassment of me not hearing him.

So my advice would be to avoid the above as a starting point for being more approachable to men. Good luck!

Yes and I think you’re almost guaranteed to meet men that want to have sex with you on there. It’s actually quite refreshing as people are very open about themselves.

its pretty entertaining too.

I think that’s what scares me about OLD, it’s so public. What if someone I knew saw my profile!!!?

Just a thought, anyone know of good anonymous forms of matchmaking? Preferably free? Where you don’t do photos or real names? I guess that’s just old fashioned dating agencies. I don’t want to pay though, I’ve got enough bills.

Only so far as using OLD where body language can't be used to signal interest and approachability.

In-person flirting and body language hasn't changed.

They'd have to be members themselves. So no big deal. What are they going to say or do?

Might be someone you'd like to start something with.

True. Can you generally limit the age range of people who can view you to certain ages? I work with young people and wouldn’t want any of them to find me on a dating app.

You enter your own age limits and won't be seen by people outside those limits.

I've come across people I know on OLD, it's fine. If you feel ashamed about using OLD you may need to dive in and get over that!

If you don't put up any photos you'll end up with the absolute dross.

If you're in London there's an ND specific app called Mattr. Haven't used it though.

Well it's changed in the sense that stats show that most couples meet online these days and people tell me they're never asked out in real life not do they hear about their friends being asked out.

That's as may be @Gwenhwyfar but the mechanics of in-person body language hasn't changed and the OP is asking about in-person interactions in preference to OLD.

Plus, body language still applies once you've decided to meet someone you 'met' via OLD.

They’re on there too so it wouldn’t be in their interest to shame / out you.

I’ve seen someone I know, I just ignored him.

Yes, but she's talking about how to meet men in the first place and the first step nowadays is usually online dating.

The other option is hobby groups, meetup, etc. but just waiting for a man to approach her is obviously not working for OP or most women.

Ha! Where I used to live I was in a social group with a lot of singles. They all talked about seeing each other on the sites. You really can't count on people not mentioning it.

Ok.

OP ignore everything I've said, I'm clearly in the wrong and don't know anything about how to meet people nowadays.

That’s not true. I’m in a similar boat to OP and never get chatted up or approached - either with wanted or unwanted attention - despite being attractive.

Men are scared to approach.

It wasn’t like this before the pandemic, I’m sure. I still would get chatted up most days that I walked around. Then again, I am older now. I do look more mature probably. So there is that. Maybe this is the invisibility that women talk about? I am getting away with a lot more than I did as a younger woman, as in, flitting about my life doing as I please. I couldn’t get away with breathing without someone paying attention and asking if I had a licence for that.

Isn't age a factor? I'm no great beauty but in my teens/20/even early 30s, I'd get chatted up by at least one lad/bloke on a night out in a pub or club, if not more, as did all of my female friends. I'm now 40 something, fairly slim, don't look bad for my age and don't often get chatted up and if I do, it's by some young bloke looking for a MILF. It's just logical that as you get older, more people are settled down and fewer people your age are out anyway.

@Babbahabba it’s definitely a learning curve for me, when I’m single and older than when I last was, I can’t get the attention that I used to. It’s like I’ve been under a rock for a few years and the world and how I relate to it is different.

Maybe a rich elderly sugardaddy would give you the attention you desire, plenty of them still in existence.