I want men to approach me, what do I need to do?

[Thehighcostofloving]

I feel like men are a bit scared to approach women, because of how this can be problematic and women say they don’t like it. BUT I am a newly single woman who has not had a lot of attention recently and I really want to be approached by men who have an interest in having either sex or a relationship. I’m working on making myself more attractive with exercise, clothes and haircuts, but what other signals can I send out to get approached by men? I don’t like high heels, so that’s not going to happen (I also think if I wore heels I might tip
over into the “is she an escort?”
category). I’d like to be approached in person, not online. I’m trying to get out there, but obviously people are rightly paranoid about being inappropriate, as am I, hence why I want to be approached myself rather than the other way around.

I find the counselling people are all 10+ years younger than me, and don’t really help. I’m going to try some other talking therapies though.

because women use apps to meet people, so don't want to be approached in real life

I'd imagine single women, looking for a partner, are still perfectly happy to be approached in real life.

Walk into a bar with your hair tied up and thick-rimmed glasses on. Make eye contact, pull scrunchie from hair while simultaneously removing glasses. They will fall at your feet.

Is this a parody? I can't tell ...

Plenty out there older.

Psychologist be better than psychotherapy

OP, I know this might sound bizarre, but have you tried those online dating advice books/videos? I think they might be good for you.

There's one on YouTube called "Get the guy" and he gives women really practical and easily understandable tips on how to both attract men you want out in public - and then keep them in a relationship (if you want that too).

I think it'd be really helpful for you. He also breaks things down in a really accessible way

Oh god please don't take advice from desperate weirdos. The thing that makes men most want to 'approach' women is if they are young and good looking. Painting your toenails is irrelevant except to fetishists.

Go out somewhere where inhibitions are lower ie a popular bar in the evening and look like you're having loads of fun with your single friends. Dress up and eye up all the men out with their mates, if you see someone you like looking at you then keep looking back at them. If it doesn't work get drunk to the point where you can laugh off rejection and just start chatting to randoms that appeal to you. I can't promise this will find you any kind of decent man (they're few and far between) but you will probably get plenty of attention.

Stay far away from married men and don't naively convince yourself that they're not getting sex at home and that you're doing the world a favour.

This is helpful, thanks. There is a lot of weird crap on the internet that tells you how to attract people/read people but it can be a bit of a dangerous rabbit hole, which bleeds into incel culture.

*Actually I think he's rebranded from "Get the guy" to just a channel called "Matthew Hussey" but definitely check out videos and dating advice like that because I think it'll help you a lot.

Remember all of this stuff - social interaction, flirting, charisma etc - can be learnt. It's not out of reach!

I work with a bunch of younger people, and was going off a conversation in the office recently, where the women all said they hate being approached by randoms. But admittedly it's anecdotal evidence with a small sample size!

You sound very young OP your views make me think of a teenage boy. Get some therapy to explore your needs and why you equate certain clothes with prostitution.

I'd imagine if the random was attractive and conversed well; they'd hate it less.

The reality is that most attractive men with good communication skills don't have to approach randoms though, because they've got plenty of opportunities through youth clubs, uni, college, work etc.

See, this I can’t agree with. When I was younger I found the whistling intimidating. I wouldn’t mind men approaching me though.

Also, I don’t know my place and don’t want a husband, so.. things have changed.

I think #metoo has improved things for women generally, but I am alienated by the digitalisation of dating.

Op, KeithLard is taking the piss and has said so.

They've linked a video to their source.

I'm not really sure what their objective is.

I probably sound young because of the trauma and not growing up when I was actually younger. An unbalanced relationship for so long had had an effect on me.

I think the way to 'attract' is to be confident, chatty and good company while not tipping into one of the guys territory.

I'd agree with doing some speed dating or singles events. It's a good place to start as everyone there is looking for a connection so you're not worried about whether you've misread the room and they're married etc. If there's not a match, you can just say 'good luck' and move on.

Similarly what hobbies etc do you do separate from dating? Maybe join some mixed social groups, running, a book group, walking, outdoor volunteering, not necessarily with the view to meeting someone there but just to widen your circles and gain social confidence.

Not to say don't make the best of yourself physically but meeting the right person for you isn't mainly about this.

I'd avoid work. Especially if you're inexperienced at negotiating relationships and reading signals. Not saying rule out someone who seems great, but I would probably aim to keep work and pleasure separate as a rule.

Haha OK you're a troll

I’d give up on the thought of meeting a man randomly in a bar. I don’t think that happens much past your 20’s for all the usual reasons ( every one coupled up etc)

im in my 40’s and the best luck I’ve had at being ‘approached’ has been when I’ve got to know people through a shared hobby. Do you like the outdoors for example? Or running?

that way you can get chatting to people, find out if you like them, then you can make a move.

This doesn’t sound like any woman I know.
Most women get hassled no matter what they are wearing.

😕

Heels??
Goodness me- I’ve been hassled wearing wellies!

All this push up bra, eat a banana in public advice is bloody awful!

Desperation can be seen by everyone in the room and it’s not a good look.

What the heck am I reading?

Op you have some me seriously bizarre ideas about what sex workers do.

Sounds like an awful parody.

Maybe this is what is scaring people off?

I’ve already done that and it’s a bad idea, well, for now.