I want men to approach me, what do I need to do?

[Thehighcostofloving]

I feel like men are a bit scared to approach women, because of how this can be problematic and women say they don’t like it. BUT I am a newly single woman who has not had a lot of attention recently and I really want to be approached by men who have an interest in having either sex or a relationship. I’m working on making myself more attractive with exercise, clothes and haircuts, but what other signals can I send out to get approached by men? I don’t like high heels, so that’s not going to happen (I also think if I wore heels I might tip
over into the “is she an escort?”
category). I’d like to be approached in person, not online. I’m trying to get out there, but obviously people are rightly paranoid about being inappropriate, as am I, hence why I want to be approached myself rather than the other way around.

It’s a man’s idea of what a “sexy” woman is like.
Very strange coming from
a woman .

There is something just off about this.

Yes it’s all very old pervy bloke. That’s what’s off.

What type of guys is your preference.

Just sit in a coffee shop or pub for five minutes on your own in jeans and not looking desperate. With men the problem is fighting them off, they definitely aren't worried about coming forward.

I literally had a guy hit on me while I was out running in sweaty gym clothes, hair a state, no makeup, listening to music. They literally don't care, if they're attracted to you you absolutely won't need to make any effort.

Spot on.
Hairy handed man talk.

It will happen if you go out to places where you will meet people who share an interest. A conversation starts around that and you realise you are enjoying each other's company - or not in which case, nothing lost.

Sometimes you meet someone when out shopping, or waiting for a train.

You are wise not to do online dating, that is so hazardous. You really do need to see and talk to someone in the flesh, maybe have a cup of coffee or snack together, to know what they are like. Even then, best to take it slow.

I've no doubt you will be successful and wish you much luck.

I’m aware I’ve got issues I need to sort though and I’m not being normal right now. I opened a Pandora’s box by ending a really long relationship that wasn’t functioning and that was imbalanced since the beginning. I’ve now got all these weird opinions and cluelessness about how to interact with people. I guess getting a spectrum of reactions on an anonymous forum is helping me to see how my perspective does not fit in to “polite society”. I’m unfortunately not a troll, I’m a real woman.. but I do have a stupid sense of humour sometimes.

🤣🤣 yes it sounds a bit like a pervy man pretending to be a lonely and naive woman

I don’t even know anymore. Men who have nice eyes? Smart guys who read books.

Op, I actually think you should do online dating - you will at least find someone who is genuinely looking for something instead of randomly hoping to meet someone, as just because someone is being polite or chatting to you in a cafe etc, doesn’t necessarily mean they want anything.

Online dating will if anything give you experience of meeting different men & what you are/aren’t looking for.

Thanks for the encouragement. I’m just slightly impatient! The impatience is probably why people do OLD, they want a result immediately and it often works if you choose the platform for that. Makes me feel a bit dead inside to imagine meeting someone like that.

I know I need to go to interest groups, it’s difficult to find out about these, I’m out of the social loop.

so you think this is funny?

What platform do men in their 30s and 40s use? Not looking for random hook ups. But not looking for marriage…

I think it has the potential to be funny. I’m trying to see the funny side.

Well yeah, i guess, if benny hill was your idol.

I am relatively conventionally attractive and have a lifetime of trying to avoid male approach behind me. I think 90% of it is body language and eye contact.

If you want attention : make eye contact and smile at people as you walk into a restaurant / bar / along the canal with the dog. Have your shoulders back, slightly face the room, keep your phone firmly away - don’t stare at it and bubble yourself if. If you must entertain yourself take a magazine to flick through casually so people don’t feel like they’re interrupting you.

I think it's more about going to places that signal you're interested - like maybe a singles evening, pubs and bars etc etc.

The other things I don't imagine will change much. Taken women have haircuts too.

When I was in my 30s I went on match.com, where I met my husband, but that was over 10 years ago. I’m not sure if it’s a thing now since tinder etc, but there’s loads of sites, do a web search. They’ll be different guys looking for different things.

I just think arranging to meet a few different men for a drink & flirt will give you the confidence to then maybe meet the right person.

You could arrange a date at a cafe, bar, ice skating, whatever- basically anything you’d be interested in doing anyway & then go from there - if you don’t like them, at least you’ve had an evening out & practiced your flirting skills.

I always told a friend where I was going beforehand though just to stay safe.

Where do you all live that you get hit on all the time? It's not something any of my mates have ever complained about, so doesn't seem to be that big a thing here. I'm attractive enough, but I've never been at the point where I was pestered by men- at the gym, out running, going for drinks etc. Even in my early 20s and barmaiding. Maybe it's the wedding ring. Or the height. I'm as tall as, or taller than most men round here.

Agree with this 100%.
I would NOT want to be approached anymore,
full stop.

Obvious man is obvious