Page 5 | Would you tell his wife

Cottonpink · 2024-12-18T13:47:21+00:00

Colleague that I don't work with now. Told me his marriage was over. Confessed feelings for me..slept with me twice. Ghosted me. Wife still seems in married bliss on Facebook. Work friend showed me messages of him chasing her. But she's also informed me that another woman is debating telling his wife about a thing with her too. Would you message the wife or let karma deal with it.

sunflowersngunpowdr · 19/12/2024 16:03

@Christl78 he told her the marriage was over... did he tell her he was divorced? I doubt it very much or else she would have said "he told me he was divorced" - so she knew he was married and she did it anyway and now she's salty and wants to punish him. She doesn't get to play the victim here and I stand by my original comment: spend your energy working on yourself and leave the wife to it you have right to interfere.

burntheleaves · 19/12/2024 16:34

Edingril · 19/12/2024 06:06

So you are wanting to tell his wife you slept with her husband knowing he was married? Sure will go down great do report back

Enough wort the 'he was still married'.
When people have split up they are free to pursue new people even before the divorce has come through. I don't know what century you live in but many people are dating but not yet officially divorced. That doesn't make them villains nor does it make the people they date evil.

In this situation the guy is a bell end but that doesn't mean the OP is in any way to blame if she genuinely believed he and his partner were no longer living together

Christl78 · 19/12/2024 16:38

sunflowersngunpowdr · 19/12/2024 16:03

@Christl78 he told her the marriage was over... did he tell her he was divorced? I doubt it very much or else she would have said "he told me he was divorced" - so she knew he was married and she did it anyway and now she's salty and wants to punish him. She doesn't get to play the victim here and I stand by my original comment: spend your energy working on yourself and leave the wife to it you have right to interfere.

I am not going to agree with that. I am separated for over one year now and divorce will be finalised in the next 1-2 months. During this time I did date and I wasn’t divorced yet. I had moved house though and went no contact with my ex.
divorce can sometimes take two years +. Does this mean that one is not allowed to find love during this time? I don’t think so.

Gloriia · 19/12/2024 16:41

Always tell the wife/husband imo. Always.

Original poster

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 16:50

Omg no I do not want him to leave her and get with me..I wouldn't go near him knowing that he truly is. He said they both have chatted and were going around in circles and agreed the spark was gone. She had moved out at one point and sounds like she had moved in again and it failed again.

I'm not a tramp. I've had one sexual partner in 5 years. Now this guy. Its very rare I let anyone into my life or my bed.

The worst part about it was I felt I was safer dating and getting to know someone I knew rather than someone from tinder. I also thought given our history he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I also genuinely felt something big had disconnected them because they'd had a huge wedding and two beautiful holidays. He's always been a kind thoughtful funny person to me. I never ever would have believed anyone who told me he was a cheat.

I also cared about him alot and valued him. But there's no emotions left in terms of me and him. I'm done with it.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 19/12/2024 17:14

So why tell her? Revenge? Don't talk nonsense and tell us that you care about this random woman....she's not your mate. Women get cheated on all the time I'm afraid...just forget the whole thing

Original poster

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:24

I've been cheated on and I hate men who play women around and cheat. He deserves to feel pain and stress as he's caused pain and stress for others with his lies.

OK fine I won't tell his wife. Hopefully the next 2 or 3 women won't either. Hopefully she wastes another few years with him and then she goes through the worst depression in history when she learns in the future. Guess the kindest thing is to let him have his cake and eat it and keep using women.

What happens when he makes a woman feel worthless and dirty and she self harms. Hmm

OP posts:

Original poster

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:29

Comedycook · 19/12/2024 17:14

So why tell her? Revenge? Don't talk nonsense and tell us that you care about this random woman....she's not your mate. Women get cheated on all the time I'm afraid...just forget the whole thing

Ofcoursre I don't care care about his wife. But I feel guilty and pissed off he's been with her the whole Time because he took my choice away to be a good person. Why would I waste time on a married man who's wife isn't aware they are over. But if people don't speak up to men like him then they get to hurt several other people. I've gotten over it now in terms of feelings. I'm not bothered. But the next woman could end up on antidepressants or crying for months because he's made her feel used.

I feel like a wank rag if that helps you feel better. It was a big thing for me to let someone see me naked and be intimate. I'm not a horrible person. As I explained above he tricked me for what he wanted.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 19/12/2024 17:30

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:24

I've been cheated on and I hate men who play women around and cheat. He deserves to feel pain and stress as he's caused pain and stress for others with his lies.

OK fine I won't tell his wife. Hopefully the next 2 or 3 women won't either. Hopefully she wastes another few years with him and then she goes through the worst depression in history when she learns in the future. Guess the kindest thing is to let him have his cake and eat it and keep using women.

What happens when he makes a woman feel worthless and dirty and she self harms. Hmm

You don't have any control over his behaviour....if you tell her, he's not going to suddenly turn into a faithful husband. People in life often treat others badly I'm afraid.

Comedycook · 19/12/2024 17:32

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:29

Ofcoursre I don't care care about his wife. But I feel guilty and pissed off he's been with her the whole Time because he took my choice away to be a good person. Why would I waste time on a married man who's wife isn't aware they are over. But if people don't speak up to men like him then they get to hurt several other people. I've gotten over it now in terms of feelings. I'm not bothered. But the next woman could end up on antidepressants or crying for months because he's made her feel used.

I feel like a wank rag if that helps you feel better. It was a big thing for me to let someone see me naked and be intimate. I'm not a horrible person. As I explained above he tricked me for what he wanted.

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I don't think you've behaved badly or done anything wrong. He is a cheater. Unfortunately lots of men are. Telling her will create unnecessary drama in your own life.

TwistedWonder · 19/12/2024 17:34

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:29

Ofcoursre I don't care care about his wife. But I feel guilty and pissed off he's been with her the whole Time because he took my choice away to be a good person. Why would I waste time on a married man who's wife isn't aware they are over. But if people don't speak up to men like him then they get to hurt several other people. I've gotten over it now in terms of feelings. I'm not bothered. But the next woman could end up on antidepressants or crying for months because he's made her feel used.

I feel like a wank rag if that helps you feel better. It was a big thing for me to let someone see me naked and be intimate. I'm not a horrible person. As I explained above he tricked me for what he wanted.

Show quote history

Totally get it and I think yes you should tell her but wait until after Christmas and if you can, do it anonymously but have some facts included like dates maybe.

It’s up to her what she does with the information but she deserves the facts to make an informed decision.

In her position, I’d rather know.

Seaoftroubles · 19/12/2024 17:40

Tell her! Wait until after Christmas though. She has a right to know what a scumbag he is.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 19/12/2024 17:49

Do they have children, OP?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 19/12/2024 17:49

I wouldn't do anything this close to Christmas but I think I would after Christmas. He's behaved shockingly badly and it's obviously something he does consistently. She does need to know.

Gloriia · 19/12/2024 18:22

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:24

I've been cheated on and I hate men who play women around and cheat. He deserves to feel pain and stress as he's caused pain and stress for others with his lies.

OK fine I won't tell his wife. Hopefully the next 2 or 3 women won't either. Hopefully she wastes another few years with him and then she goes through the worst depression in history when she learns in the future. Guess the kindest thing is to let him have his cake and eat it and keep using women.

What happens when he makes a woman feel worthless and dirty and she self harms. Hmm

Tell her.

She should know. Those cheated on often have doubts but men and women gaslight and twist things. Just send her screenshots of the slimeballs interactions with you so she knows exactly what has gone on.

NovemberMorn · 19/12/2024 18:38

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:24

I've been cheated on and I hate men who play women around and cheat. He deserves to feel pain and stress as he's caused pain and stress for others with his lies.

OK fine I won't tell his wife. Hopefully the next 2 or 3 women won't either. Hopefully she wastes another few years with him and then she goes through the worst depression in history when she learns in the future. Guess the kindest thing is to let him have his cake and eat it and keep using women.

What happens when he makes a woman feel worthless and dirty and she self harms. Hmm

I doubt she is unaware. If he is playing around as often as indicated, he probably comes home stinking of cheap perfume, and unless he uses condoms, possibly spreading God knows what to the poor wife.

nonbinaryfinery · 19/12/2024 18:45

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:24

I've been cheated on and I hate men who play women around and cheat. He deserves to feel pain and stress as he's caused pain and stress for others with his lies.

OK fine I won't tell his wife. Hopefully the next 2 or 3 women won't either. Hopefully she wastes another few years with him and then she goes through the worst depression in history when she learns in the future. Guess the kindest thing is to let him have his cake and eat it and keep using women.

What happens when he makes a woman feel worthless and dirty and she self harms. Hmm

Just get her told! There's no need for all this pearl clutching.

Edingril · 19/12/2024 19:49

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 17:29

Ofcoursre I don't care care about his wife. But I feel guilty and pissed off he's been with her the whole Time because he took my choice away to be a good person. Why would I waste time on a married man who's wife isn't aware they are over. But if people don't speak up to men like him then they get to hurt several other people. I've gotten over it now in terms of feelings. I'm not bothered. But the next woman could end up on antidepressants or crying for months because he's made her feel used.

I feel like a wank rag if that helps you feel better. It was a big thing for me to let someone see me naked and be intimate. I'm not a horrible person. As I explained above he tricked me for what he wanted.

Show quote history

You chose to believe him, women are as responsible for their choices as men

Women have brains and need to use them, all I ever seem to hear from women is excuses why they don't think and blame men, women want to be treated like responsible grown ups who are 'equal' (whatever that means to people) but don't want to think for themselves

No one was tricked you chose to believe what you wanted own that an move on

Elasticatedtrousers · 19/12/2024 20:45

Another thread where women who claim to care about women, advise a poster to keep quiet thereby allowing the man to carry on with his abuse.

So utterly depressing.

Sadlonely80 · 19/12/2024 21:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HelenInHeels · 19/12/2024 22:46

@Sadlonely80 The wife has a lot to gain. Knowledge of what she's married to. Agency over her life and health. The right to choose.

ReallyRealRearly · 19/12/2024 22:55

Cottonpink · 19/12/2024 16:50

Omg no I do not want him to leave her and get with me..I wouldn't go near him knowing that he truly is. He said they both have chatted and were going around in circles and agreed the spark was gone. She had moved out at one point and sounds like she had moved in again and it failed again.

I'm not a tramp. I've had one sexual partner in 5 years. Now this guy. Its very rare I let anyone into my life or my bed.

The worst part about it was I felt I was safer dating and getting to know someone I knew rather than someone from tinder. I also thought given our history he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I also genuinely felt something big had disconnected them because they'd had a huge wedding and two beautiful holidays. He's always been a kind thoughtful funny person to me. I never ever would have believed anyone who told me he was a cheat.

I also cared about him alot and valued him. But there's no emotions left in terms of me and him. I'm done with it.

Funny that isn't it, his relationship breaking down whilst he was busy confiding in you, I,m sure that didn't contribute to her leaving (if she ever did)

And how convienient for you that his relationship just happened to be going through the shitter right after you parted from your last relationship.

What's gonna happen now, last ditch attempt to end their marriage and if that doesn't work beg for the dicarded one back ?

No, I'm sure none of this accidental love story was in anyway partly your fault.
Try not to take people for fools, people lose respect for that.

You've been played but
you were were also a player and met your match.

He wins.
Better luck next time.

Poor wife, she deserves a medal having people like you and him in her life.

Oh and you won't tell her because you know you are partly to blame, you are just venting anger wanting retribution for being left high and dry.

nodramaplz · 20/12/2024 01:06

If it were me I'd like to know.

Dweetfidilove · 20/12/2024 01:09

I hope you're all practising safe sex ☹️

winter8090 · 20/12/2024 06:57

If you still work with him it would make things very very awkward.

I think I would close it down and move on. Karma will get him.