Would you tell his wife

[Cottonpink]

Colleague that I don't work with now. Told me his marriage was over. Confessed feelings for me..slept with me twice. Ghosted me. Wife still seems in married bliss on Facebook.

Work friend showed me messages of him chasing her. But she's also informed me that another woman is debating telling his wife about a thing with her too.

Would you message the wife or let karma deal with it.

So you are wanting to tell his wife you slept with her husband knowing he was married? Sure will go down great do report back

No! It would save her from STDs and also from wasting her time with the loser.
Sisterhood ladies! Always tell the wife and let her choose. If she is a victim and chooses to stay so be it. But you give her the chance to a new life as well. Send an anonymous message please!

Over as in divorced? Because it isn't over until that point.
As any fule kno

I wouldn't be asking mumsnet; I'd have already done it.

I value women having their personal agency and right to informed sexual consent given back to them.

Don't waste anymore time just inform her.

Yes I'd tell her , after Christmas.

This

You slept with a married man, twice. He broke off contact and now you're going to tell a woman you don't know, that's you slept with her husband?

No such thing as karma.

I wouldn't tell her though. She won't for one minute think you didn't know. You won't come out of this in a good light.

He’s hurting people - not he’s hurting her, not he’s hurting his wife.

You want to tell her because a. you want to hurt him back b. you want to break up the marriage so he can shag around without being married.

I know you don’t realise this is how you feel, but that sentence was very revealing.

I wasn't blaming you for fucking him, just stating a fact. You did. I'm not saying don't tell her. I'm saying what @CheekyHobson is - no need to do it in the next two weeks. That makes you look vengeful 2025.

Facebook post aren’t the best for judging and knowing the status of anyone’s marriage

That’s very true. I split over one year ago and I haven’t been bothered to remove all photos. Will do of course but honestly I have other priorities.

Please tell her. She might be suspicious as others have said, or know in her heart of hearts, but have no proof and be being gaslit and made to feel like she’s going crazy.

she deserves to know

I’d also disagree about waiting until the new year.

I would tell her. Because she gets 1 life and deserves to know she's living a lie. She will be devastated. She might get mad at you. You could go with other women he's interacted with. Give her proof, so she's in no doubt.

This happened to my friend. Her husband's bit on the side called her, asked to meet her in a coffee shop and told her everything. It went very smoothly. The other woman even set him up so she could prove she wasn't lying.
My friend was obviously devastated. But she is glad she found out. Ultimately though they got back together.

Tell her! Happened to a friend of mine. One of the many shags told her, she threw his cheating arse out and has never been happier

I agree that he’s a shit and the wife deserves to know. However, as this is a work colleague I’d suggest proceeding with caution so the situation doesn’t cause you problems at work - as he’s such a convincing lier then be wary that he may switch it round that you’re harassing his partner, and complain about you via work channels.

Having said that, his behaviour is so predatory- he deliberately pursued you as a newly single woman, when you were at a vulnerable point. It might be worth approaching in an official way, flagging that he’s a serial sexual harasser… especially if he’s done the same to other women at work.

You knew he was married. Do they have children? Do not put a wrecking ball through wife (and kids if any) life just before Christmas
Keep your knickers on next time a married man fancies a shag.

I wish tf all women were taught (seriously, we need a TV advert campain) 'When he starts saying they're only still living together 'for the kids' or similar - it's horseshit. He's just trying to get a leg over. The same goes for 'my wife is crazy/we don't have sex anymore' When he tells you they are 'seperated' don't just take his word for it. Do your due diligence. If you can't be sure it's true, don't get into anything with him. Relationship or a bed or even so much as a text conversation about his current marriage woes'.

Always take 'we are seperated' with a pinch of salt. Tbh, best avoid them until the divorce is through and they can show you the paperwork in black and white.

And yes, I'd tell her, she deserves to know.

You are projecting thinking “what If” you were the wife and how “this woman lured your husband”.
The OP has clearly stated that he lied to her and other women. She is not to blame here.

No. I would never interfere in someone else's marriage, because it's none of my business.

I always think that don't tell brigade are secretly people who have been unfaithful and are trying to make it normal not to tell so they remain undetected 😁

Yes because you have information she might not have. She has a right to know. Not sure if before Christmas is a good idea though as it could cause a lot of upheaval to the rest of the family - it's not their fault a family member is a cheat and it only means waiting a week or so.

You would tear their world upside down right before Christmas. I believe karma will come their way eventually.

Yes tell the wife!

I agree she should find out poor woman's marriage is a lie she has a right to know and choose if thats the life she wants to live.