He's become selfish on the bedroom * tmi for some warning

[Spaklestarflower]

I've nc for this one
Apologies if its a bit crude

• there may be a little too much information for some so just warning ahead.

I'm literally at my wits end with this one.
I've been in a relationship with a man for just over a year now.
We are very compatible, or we're, up until recently we have a very good sex life and really equal. For example if one evening it was more about pleasuring him , it would then be reciprocated the following time and the rest of the time it just flowed and seemed a very healthy loving passionate sex life.
The last month I'd say he has been really really selfish and it's driving me nuts.
He won't go on top, won't go down on me and he hasn't even touched me down there in over a month.
I've always bigged him up on his skills down there so it's definitely not a confidence issue.
The first couple of times this happened I thought I won't say anything as he will be all over me next time... but no this has not happened 😕 I saw him last night and thought ill just see what he's like .
So he still kisses me lots and tries it on so to speak he's actually all over me beforehand. We banter and flirt he fancies me , I dress up in lingerie, we go out for meals and have lovely evenings together.
Then we got into bed last night and we were kissing and undressing , he guided my hands towards his penis so I started touching him, he was hard so he's definitely turned on. He then pulls me on top and because I feel so starved lately I do it as I fancy him and really want to have sex. I'm ontop for about 5 minutes he then lifts me off and initiates me giving him a bj so I start thinking it will lead to more ..... he comes 😏 this has happened a few times now but last night afterwards I felt so so sad and obviously sexually frustrated I felt really used and unattractive.
I don't know how to approach this?
But I'm starting to feel like he isn't into me anymore although he constantly says he fancies the pants off me, compliments me and tells me he loves me all the time. What is going on?

You need to talk to him about it, and not finish him until you have finished. If the isn’t immediately apologetic and fixes the problem end the relationship.

I don't think you would be bad to be honest! Look how he's treated you.

Text is fine.
Everyone keeps their dignity and you don’t risk unpleasant scenes.

Sorry he turned out to be a turd.
💐

Personally, I think it's OK to end it by text.

You can start with the classic "We need to talk..." and hopefully you then won't have to.

What would u text out of interest?

Text is fine. Why should you make any more effort for him?
You could just do the 'this isn't working for me anymore, take care' route or end it saying you won't tolerate crap sex.
Expect profuse apologies and promises to try harder etc, ignore and block if needed.

Don't wait til Thursday, he will know what he did or SHOULD know anyway... life is way too short for this kind of crap treatment

Hey X, thought I'd better message now if your mum is thinking of buying presents. Last night made me realise that I'm not a priority to you, so we'll be parting ways. Merry Xmas!

I like this message. Or you could just say "I felt really violated after our last sexual encounter and it's made me realise I can't continue in a relationship with you". Spell it out for him. You don't need to soften it for him. Good luck OP- glad youre getting rid of this one.

The way you describe his 5 mins of using you, I'm not surprised you felt bad. Entirely his problem, don't let him hook you in with his family plans aftef that.
It's boiling my piss on your behalf. He thinks you'll just 'get over it' till the next time grrr..!
I'd be so mad, I'd want to just end it, but my sadistc, get even as possible, side might opt for death by a thousand dripfeeds. " No, tell her no need to get me anything", " sorry can't do x party as will be busy doing y". " somethings come up, so busy Thursday ". Eventually, he will ask what's up, at which point I'd say " nobody gets to treat me like you did, and get away with it, so I'm out, bye". That should suffice, no painful discussions about the details of it, or begs to change, to deal with. Job done.

Reading you describe the latest sex just reminded me of porn sex. Woman on top, cum in her mouth. GRIM.

I'm glad you've come to your senses and gotten yourself a severe dose of the ICK.

Well done. I'd text dump him something brief such as, "Tell your mum not to worry about getting me a gift bless her, she's so sweet. I've decided to call it a day on our relationship, so won't be seeing you tomorrow anymore. Wish you well, take care, SparkleStarFlower"

If he asks for a reason or anything, then I'd just say, "I realised after our last encounter that we're no longer compatible". I'd be vague and not tell him the reason, as he'll just fake it for longer with his next conquest and it's better for her to find out he's selfish and lazy as soon as possible!

Hmmmm .... you do not trust this man in any way but you have sex with him. This does not compute. You are just setting yourself up for degradation.

Honestly, just steer clear of him - he has nothing to recommend him - he needs binning.

This. Crying on the way home achieves nothing. If I were you then I'd end it, you say you feel used nothing will change the way he'smade you feel during sex..

Rtwt I did fully trust this man... until he totally switched which has only been during the last 4 weeks

I wasn't trying to achieve something by crying. I was explaining how the encounter made me feel.

If you're crying in the car on your way home after a year that's the only sign you need to end it....

And that's not me having a go. I say that as someone who only recently ended a 2.5 year relationship after a few too many instances of crying in the car on my way home

My situation was different in that my ex had almost zero interest in a sex and it was leaving me feeling rejected and unattractive. I've only recently realised how messed up it is to have been crying on my way home but hanging around hoping things would change. It never did

I wouldn't be waiting until Thursday!!!

Some people are so harsh! Not sure why you are getting bashed by anyone. What you went through was a truly degrading experience. I think anyone would feel that especially since you communicated during the act that you wanted to be pleasured too! No one should be feeling the way you've been feeling in a relationship. A decent man would have picked up instantly why you were upset and apologised 😵‍💫. It's clear he knows he upset you but instead of apologising is love bombing you with rubbish about Christmas gifts. Drop this guy asap. This will only get much worse. I'd do it by text, in person he will try and convince you that you somehow misinterpreted the situation. Not doing oral is one thing but not touching you or attempting to pleasure you at all and it lasting 5 minutes and ending up with him coming in your mouth is quite another! He treated you like a prostitute, this is not someone who likes women!

I would have a conversation with him before ditching a relationship where you know his children and family. I think it deserves an open and sincere convo.
Though, you are right, this is a bad sign. The ignoring you is the thing. He thinks he has you bagged and no effort is needed. If you do want him, you will have to keep him hunting you? Like forever. Be direct and say you are not satisfied, not impressed and fast losing interest. I bet he will regain his charm. Some men do like the pursuing more than anything else. But, is that for you?

FFS, they're not married, so why add that in? To try and make yourself sound more reasonable?

So let's do a real like for like situation - a man is dating a woman, who gets on top until she orgasms and then rolls off leaving him unfinished every time they have sex. When, in the history of the earth, has A. That happened and B. Men been told its perfectly reasonable of her?

The poor menz posters really are ridiculous.

If you’d not said anything, I might be swayed. He ignored you and fucked you.

Text. Block. Buy your own Xmas pressie (a vibrator maybe 😁)

He’s not the one OP

My friend has a great saying for this, "silver medal sex", in other words the man comes second! It's a great motivator for him to step up or he won't get his until you get yours! Sorry for the sports metaphor 😀 Not sure I'd bother applying it to him though. Reading through I can see that you did ask for something in bed and he ignored you. That is a big red flag.

I'd text him

Sorry, we're not sexually compatible. You're crap in bed.

It's very odd behaviour to suddenly change from being an attentive lover to a selfish prick in the bedroom overnight. Especially to then ignore you when you directly ask him to reciprocate. And to be more attentive outside the bedroom at the same time is even more mind boggling.

If we simply a lazy lover then a year is a long time for him to have kept up the act, you'd normally expect things to start going down hill much sooner than that. And it's also typical for things to tail off gradually as laziness creeps in, not just a sudden change in behaviour. He must be well aware of this change himself, he can't possibly be ignorant of it.

Only thing I can think is that he's trying to get back at you or 'punish' you for something you did or didn't do for him in bed on a previous occasion. That would be incredibly petty behaviour and typically a one off rather than a permanent change. And he's had an opportunity to raise any dissatisfaction on his side, but stayed silent.

I think if this sort of thing happened to me I'd want to get an explanation before dumping him. And having that conversation in person would be the best way of actually getting an explanation, but also of gauging his reaction/honesty of explanation. Otherwise, finding out after finishing the relationship would be quite unlikely, and curiosity would nag at me for a long time over it.

OP, he sounds completely repulsive.
He knows well he's fxxked up, treating you like meat.
Thats why you cried, it was your gut screaming at you that his treatment og you was so wrong.
I would end it by text and I wouldn't be nice about it.
He's not a nice man.
I would say under that mask there is an ugly man.

"Hi, this is not working for me. Awful sex is a deal breaker. Good luck."

Fxxk him.