He's become selfish on the bedroom * tmi for some warning

[Spaklestarflower]

I've nc for this one
Apologies if its a bit crude

• there may be a little too much information for some so just warning ahead.

I'm literally at my wits end with this one.
I've been in a relationship with a man for just over a year now.
We are very compatible, or we're, up until recently we have a very good sex life and really equal. For example if one evening it was more about pleasuring him , it would then be reciprocated the following time and the rest of the time it just flowed and seemed a very healthy loving passionate sex life.
The last month I'd say he has been really really selfish and it's driving me nuts.
He won't go on top, won't go down on me and he hasn't even touched me down there in over a month.
I've always bigged him up on his skills down there so it's definitely not a confidence issue.
The first couple of times this happened I thought I won't say anything as he will be all over me next time... but no this has not happened 😕 I saw him last night and thought ill just see what he's like .
So he still kisses me lots and tries it on so to speak he's actually all over me beforehand. We banter and flirt he fancies me , I dress up in lingerie, we go out for meals and have lovely evenings together.
Then we got into bed last night and we were kissing and undressing , he guided my hands towards his penis so I started touching him, he was hard so he's definitely turned on. He then pulls me on top and because I feel so starved lately I do it as I fancy him and really want to have sex. I'm ontop for about 5 minutes he then lifts me off and initiates me giving him a bj so I start thinking it will lead to more ..... he comes 😏 this has happened a few times now but last night afterwards I felt so so sad and obviously sexually frustrated I felt really used and unattractive.
I don't know how to approach this?
But I'm starting to feel like he isn't into me anymore although he constantly says he fancies the pants off me, compliments me and tells me he loves me all the time. What is going on?

I am puzzled as to why you did not simply speak to him about it at the time.

No I don’t think so. The issue is also that he is physically moving her into positions without even speaking to her. If a woman posted that she physically lifts her sexual partner off of her after 5 mins of PIV and then sits on his face until she comes then gets off and sex is over she would be told it is weird.

@Spaklestarflower it sounds like you’ve had a good year sexually with him but he just likes a woman on top until he’s just about to cum and then get sucked off. He’s not interested in satisfying you or even different positions. He’s a one trick pony, who only satisfies someone when it’s all new.

I think she felt really uncomfortable. I recall feeling this way. It’s not like you can trust that person has your best interests at heart, they ignore you when you speak to them so what’s the point? She just wanted to get out of his house. Tbh I think that she did the right thing. And that he won’t listen he doesn’t really care. A lot of men just see women as a hot wet hole. Sorry that’s gross but this kind of sex is so demoralising and degrading

Sounds like a porn addict to me

I did during sex I asked him to do things to me he ignored me and carried on. Without sounding too crude I was in utter disbelief that he moved me from ontop of him amd ejaculated in my mouth after we had been having sex for around 5 minutes if that.
He then fell into a deep sleep.
I would have thought before this happened to me that I would also be very vocal straight after also however I wasn't I just felt a bit numb. I left so early and I think he could clearly see I was upset this morning but all he's msg today is asking about tickets for a new years party. Fuck spending new years with him now

This is exactly it. I was feeling like I can't trust this man he's either having an affair, showing his true colours now ( which means he has conned me and a fake) I couldn't wait to leave this morning. We normally have breakfast together but I ran

This is correct.

I would end this now.

How fucking selfish that he comes and you don't - he knows full well and has no shits to give. It's not even worthy of a discussion because he already knows what he's doing. He's a user. These are not things that even need saying.

@Spaklestarflower trust your gut. Where are you meeting him on Thursday? Don’t go to his house or you to his house just don’t put yourself in an uncomfortable position? Do you have to meet him or can you just tell him outright you aren’t happy about it.

That feeling you have is disgust, he has made you feel degraded. Don’t ignore it. The only correct response from him is to be absolutely fucking mortified

He used you last night and knew you were upset because you didn’t have breakfast with him and all he has messaged you about was tickets to a party.
That says everything!

Don't meet him. Dump him by text with no reason given.

I'm getting the ick more and more as time goes on . I think i need to end this b4 Thursday. He's just msg me to say his mum asked what I want for Christmas... oh no😒 I have been invited to Christmas party's with his family between Xmas and new year. I gotta end this. I feel sick. Also thanks for letting me vent

If he could clearly see you were upset when you left so early and hasn't even bothered to ask why/are you ok/apologise for upsetting you that shows what an insensitive person he is. He is probably just hoping you get over it and carry on as before.
Tell him to buy a blow up doll as a date for his New Years party, then dump.

You're just imagining it and trying to push an agenda. It hasn't cropped up because women don't tend to treat their sexual partners this way.

Anyway, I disagree. I think anybody posting about an equivalent scenario would be told similar. There's no reason to think otherwise.

All this talk of xmas presents and parties is almost like he knows he's fucked up and trying to bribe/guilt you into staying.
His mother asks what you want for Xmas? To be newly single thank you!

I’d be tempted to buy him the karma sutra for Christmas

Yeah, he knows it's going wrong and you're unhappy, but rather than checking in with you or apologising or doing better, is trying to get you to stick around by upping the ante in the entanglement/future together aspect instead.

I know. It's tough 😞

He knows he's done wrong here and he's trying to hook you and love bomb you back in again. Do not fall for it. Ring or text him to tell him it's over and tell him why!

If you haven’t completely gone off him, which I think you might have, I’d call him. Ask him why he ignored you during sex, treated you like an object, and didn’t care about whether you enjoyed it.

He made you feel so bad you cried on your way home 😔. This to me suggests there’s no repairing it.

If you have now got the ick, I’d send a ‘This isn’t working for me anymore. Best wishes etc ‘ text and wouldn’t be waiting until Thursday.

I felt this was a bit love bomby too, I've got some training in domestic abuse because of my job. It's frightening to see how easy this could happen without open eyes .

I don't think this can be repaired. I won't look at him the same. I know I want to end it now. This post has helped me see it for what it really is. Would I be a really bad person doing it over text?

Yes I agree

🤣

It definitely feels this way