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Original poster

He's become selfish on the bedroom * tmi for some warning

141 replies

Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 19:34

I've nc for this one
Apologies if its a bit crude

  • there may be a little too much information for some so just warning ahead.

I'm literally at my wits end with this one.
I've been in a relationship with a man for just over a year now.
We are very compatible, or we're, up until recently we have a very good sex life and really equal. For example if one evening it was more about pleasuring him , it would then be reciprocated the following time and the rest of the time it just flowed and seemed a very healthy loving passionate sex life.
The last month I'd say he has been really really selfish and it's driving me nuts.
He won't go on top, won't go down on me and he hasn't even touched me down there in over a month.
I've always bigged him up on his skills down there so it's definitely not a confidence issue.
The first couple of times this happened I thought I won't say anything as he will be all over me next time... but no this has not happened 😕 I saw him last night and thought ill just see what he's like .
So he still kisses me lots and tries it on so to speak he's actually all over me beforehand. We banter and flirt he fancies me , I dress up in lingerie, we go out for meals and have lovely evenings together.
Then we got into bed last night and we were kissing and undressing , he guided my hands towards his penis so I started touching him, he was hard so he's definitely turned on. He then pulls me on top and because I feel so starved lately I do it as I fancy him and really want to have sex. I'm ontop for about 5 minutes he then lifts me off and initiates me giving him a bj so I start thinking it will lead to more ..... he comes 😏 this has happened a few times now but last night afterwards I felt so so sad and obviously sexually frustrated I felt really used and unattractive.
I don't know how to approach this?
But I'm starting to feel like he isn't into me anymore although he constantly says he fancies the pants off me, compliments me and tells me he loves me all the time. What is going on?

OP posts:
fatphalange · 17/12/2024 20:36

Instant gratification is the cause. He's realised he can get sucked off on the regular with little to no effort on his part. Selfish and lazy but if it suits him it probably won't change now.

orangegato · 17/12/2024 20:41

There’s no fixing this. He was faking giving a shit and mask has slipped. This is the real him.

smithey85 · 17/12/2024 20:46

Can you imagine if a husband came on here and was contemplating ending his marriage because his wife no longer wanted to give HIM oral? There would be uproar , he’d be told to respect her wishes, she’s not a sex object, and nobody should do anything they feel uncomfortable with.

why the disparity in this scenario?

OP, I really don’t mean to be blunt, or cause offence to you ( or anyone else) but there may be a genuine reason for him suddenly going off oral. The obvious one that springs to mind is you might not have been ‘clean’ or you might have an odour he didn’t like ( again, I’m so sorry for being so crude but not sure how else to put it ) which has made him withdraw from oral - I had an ex and it was like playing Russian roulette when I went down there, 50% it was great, no issues, 50% it was pretty repulsive so I gradually did it less and less.

I can’t answer the lack of hands down there or the reluctance to do missionary, I’ll have a ponder and come back from suggestions 😜

Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:47

Sceptical123 · 17/12/2024 20:36

He wants to spend more time with you bc sex is now 100% about him and to most men that’s amazing

Show quote history

Interesting point

OP posts:
xyz111 · 17/12/2024 20:48

smithey85 · 17/12/2024 20:46

Can you imagine if a husband came on here and was contemplating ending his marriage because his wife no longer wanted to give HIM oral? There would be uproar , he’d be told to respect her wishes, she’s not a sex object, and nobody should do anything they feel uncomfortable with.

why the disparity in this scenario?

OP, I really don’t mean to be blunt, or cause offence to you ( or anyone else) but there may be a genuine reason for him suddenly going off oral. The obvious one that springs to mind is you might not have been ‘clean’ or you might have an odour he didn’t like ( again, I’m so sorry for being so crude but not sure how else to put it ) which has made him withdraw from oral - I had an ex and it was like playing Russian roulette when I went down there, 50% it was great, no issues, 50% it was pretty repulsive so I gradually did it less and less.

I can’t answer the lack of hands down there or the reluctance to do missionary, I’ll have a ponder and come back from suggestions 😜

I thought this too!!

Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:50

smithey85 · 17/12/2024 20:46

Can you imagine if a husband came on here and was contemplating ending his marriage because his wife no longer wanted to give HIM oral? There would be uproar , he’d be told to respect her wishes, she’s not a sex object, and nobody should do anything they feel uncomfortable with.

why the disparity in this scenario?

OP, I really don’t mean to be blunt, or cause offence to you ( or anyone else) but there may be a genuine reason for him suddenly going off oral. The obvious one that springs to mind is you might not have been ‘clean’ or you might have an odour he didn’t like ( again, I’m so sorry for being so crude but not sure how else to put it ) which has made him withdraw from oral - I had an ex and it was like playing Russian roulette when I went down there, 50% it was great, no issues, 50% it was pretty repulsive so I gradually did it less and less.

I can’t answer the lack of hands down there or the reluctance to do missionary, I’ll have a ponder and come back from suggestions 😜

I get where your coming from... mind the pun 🤣 but I can assure you I am squeaky clean and very vain about that sort of thing at all times. I'm actually in the shower more often then him.
I know that's not the issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:52

smithey85 · 17/12/2024 20:46

Can you imagine if a husband came on here and was contemplating ending his marriage because his wife no longer wanted to give HIM oral? There would be uproar , he’d be told to respect her wishes, she’s not a sex object, and nobody should do anything they feel uncomfortable with.

why the disparity in this scenario?

OP, I really don’t mean to be blunt, or cause offence to you ( or anyone else) but there may be a genuine reason for him suddenly going off oral. The obvious one that springs to mind is you might not have been ‘clean’ or you might have an odour he didn’t like ( again, I’m so sorry for being so crude but not sure how else to put it ) which has made him withdraw from oral - I had an ex and it was like playing Russian roulette when I went down there, 50% it was great, no issues, 50% it was pretty repulsive so I gradually did it less and less.

I can’t answer the lack of hands down there or the reluctance to do missionary, I’ll have a ponder and come back from suggestions 😜

I should have also added that he isn't interested in any other positions , doggystyle included. Just me on top at all times them he wants to cum orally. I can't imagine any other women only having sex with thier fella with the man ontop only and then moving him off for her to cum in his mouth within 5 minutes. It's quite different

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:53

xyz111 · 17/12/2024 20:48

I thought this too!!

Show quote history

So if it was the other way around a woman would only have sex with the man on top and then move him off so she could finish in his mouth? I think many people would have alot to say about this

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 17/12/2024 20:55

I think you need to come up with it and say what do you think does it for me sexually? Which part of the other night do you think I enjoyed most?

healthybychristmas · 17/12/2024 20:55

You could say are you used to going out with women and not giving them any sexual satisfaction?

Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:57

healthybychristmas · 17/12/2024 20:55

You could say are you used to going out with women and not giving them any sexual satisfaction?

Well I would have thought that if he had always been this selfish but he hadn't so it's making me feel like he's not bothered about me any more

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:57

healthybychristmas · 17/12/2024 20:55

I think you need to come up with it and say what do you think does it for me sexually? Which part of the other night do you think I enjoyed most?

Brilliant thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 20:59

orangegato · 17/12/2024 20:41

There’s no fixing this. He was faking giving a shit and mask has slipped. This is the real him.

Unfortunately I think you are correct about this

OP posts:
Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 17/12/2024 21:01

You should be honest. Next time you are with him say that you weren't feeling the last few times you had sex for x,y and z. His reaction to this cab then guide your decision.

Ladyof2025 · 17/12/2024 21:02

When I read your words about how he pulls you on top and then pushes you down for a blowjob it really turned my stomach.

It gave me the impression that he treats you like a blow up doll that he can just pull this way and push that way to please himself.

You must draw a line under this immediately: no more sex until you have discussed what's been happening and told him that you're not standing for it.

Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 21:05

I'd just end it.
Tell him why if you like but the thing is, the men you have to point this out to are never going to be good lovers. They just made you cum because they wanted to impress you not because it genuinely turns them on or they view it as an integral part of sex. This is something that will be ingrained in them. They are no good for any woman. Get rid. Even if he apologises and tries, it won't last because once again he will just be doing it as a favour.
Find someone for whom sex is a mutually enjoyable experience as a matter of course and don't waste your precious time on men like this. However nice they appear.. it's just not worth it.

Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 21:05

Ladyof2025 · 17/12/2024 21:02

When I read your words about how he pulls you on top and then pushes you down for a blowjob it really turned my stomach.

It gave me the impression that he treats you like a blow up doll that he can just pull this way and push that way to please himself.

You must draw a line under this immediately: no more sex until you have discussed what's been happening and told him that you're not standing for it.

That's exactly how I felt
I felt really used
That's why I left as soon as I could in the morning
I won't be ever letting it happen again
I went along with it last night because I thought we were leading onto doing other things , bit no he just came. End of . I was left totally unsatisfied and really low and depressed. The more comments I'm reading on here the more I just feel like ending it now as I feel really icky and like I've been treated like utter shit

OP posts:
Pensionswew · 17/12/2024 21:06

His mask has dropped.
He's selfish and shit in bed.
He can't be arsed.
It's all about him.
If he really cared, he would want you to enjoy it too.
He doesn't care so is unbothered by your enjoyment.

PrincessPeache · 17/12/2024 21:07

I had similar with my DP about a year into our relationship too. Our sex life is about 90% oral so when he didn’t go down on me a few times in a row I brought it up with him and asked if there was a reason for it. He apologised and admitted he’d just been getting lazy and he was gutted to realise he’d been so selfish. Years later and it’s never been an issue since! I’ve definitely been in the receiving end of several more orgasms than he has 😂

Definitely worth a discussion and giving him another chance, so to speak. If it happens again though it’s not worth the hassle, just end it.

Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 21:08

Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 21:05

I'd just end it.
Tell him why if you like but the thing is, the men you have to point this out to are never going to be good lovers. They just made you cum because they wanted to impress you not because it genuinely turns them on or they view it as an integral part of sex. This is something that will be ingrained in them. They are no good for any woman. Get rid. Even if he apologises and tries, it won't last because once again he will just be doing it as a favour.
Find someone for whom sex is a mutually enjoyable experience as a matter of course and don't waste your precious time on men like this. However nice they appear.. it's just not worth it.

Exactly my thinking right now! I don't want to have to ask or beg my partner to want to touch me and make sure I have been satisfied too. Why should I? He's not 20 inexperienced man. He's 38 and been married, proved he knows what to do for months and now stopped. Aggh I'm feeling angry with myself now

OP posts:
Original poster
Spaklestarflower · 17/12/2024 21:09

PrincessPeache · 17/12/2024 21:07

I had similar with my DP about a year into our relationship too. Our sex life is about 90% oral so when he didn’t go down on me a few times in a row I brought it up with him and asked if there was a reason for it. He apologised and admitted he’d just been getting lazy and he was gutted to realise he’d been so selfish. Years later and it’s never been an issue since! I’ve definitely been in the receiving end of several more orgasms than he has 😂

Definitely worth a discussion and giving him another chance, so to speak. If it happens again though it’s not worth the hassle, just end it.

But i did ask him during to touch me and go down on me

OP posts:
Fargo79 · 17/12/2024 21:10

smithey85 · 17/12/2024 20:46

Can you imagine if a husband came on here and was contemplating ending his marriage because his wife no longer wanted to give HIM oral? There would be uproar , he’d be told to respect her wishes, she’s not a sex object, and nobody should do anything they feel uncomfortable with.

why the disparity in this scenario?

OP, I really don’t mean to be blunt, or cause offence to you ( or anyone else) but there may be a genuine reason for him suddenly going off oral. The obvious one that springs to mind is you might not have been ‘clean’ or you might have an odour he didn’t like ( again, I’m so sorry for being so crude but not sure how else to put it ) which has made him withdraw from oral - I had an ex and it was like playing Russian roulette when I went down there, 50% it was great, no issues, 50% it was pretty repulsive so I gradually did it less and less.

I can’t answer the lack of hands down there or the reluctance to do missionary, I’ll have a ponder and come back from suggestions 😜

I think that's nonsense tbh and you've just totally made it up. If a man posted "my girlfriend of a year will only have one specific type of penetrative sex that she favours, and then physically guides me to go down on her and make her orgasm, but she never touches me, never reciprocates oral sex, and I never have an orgasm" I highly doubt that there would be "uproar". Can you think of a single thread where this has happened? He'd be told the same as OP - you're not compatible and your partner is selfish.

LondonFox · 17/12/2024 21:11

Before you decide to let him go think if you have any, like any small dominatrix prefrences.
If you do, tell him to fuck you while you both stand, stop it, make him go down on you and then he can finish himself off.

Some blokes do need a woman ordering him around to do something.

If he cannot do couple sex and he Isn't into this it really may be time to send him on his marry way.

PullTheBricksDown · 17/12/2024 21:11

Start the conversation with 'The last few times we've been in bed, it hasn't been great for me, to be honest' and see how he reacts. That will tell you a lot.

cantthinkofausername26 · 17/12/2024 21:14

Personal hygiene issues??