MIL and colleague just cutting me off for having a different opinion.

[Timeforcake9]

What is going on here? On two separate occasions 2 women who I thought were being kind and we got on well completely cut me off.

1. Someone I worked with. They are known in the workplace for being overly helpful and accommodating. They do charity work and pride themselves on being fair etc. One conversation one day with others and I simply didn’t agree with one of the discussions. Nothing major I just had a different perspective, not negating hers but offered mine. That was is, never spoke to me at work for years.

2. My mother in law. We were absolutely fine until my daughter was born (or so I thought). She offered me her thoughts about how I should do things, like who changes the nappy, which milk. I kindly said I had my own thoughts, I’d like to do it this way. Then again I’m being totally ignored. She is another pillar of the community, charity work, most people like her. She can barely acknowledge me anymore. It seems ridiculous, I don’t mind opinions at all and I take up the ideas I like.

And it could be that this lady was just a mean bitch and didn’t talk to you because of something completely different.
We are throwing different POSSIBLE explanations but of course we don’t know the real reason.
And after something doesn’t mean because of something so that conversation about Christmas rota can be completely unrelated.

Yes I have learned to not share opinions. She is not child free but I know she has issues with her daughter as she self admitted to a mental hospital after this. I don’t share at work anymore, I did need to learn that I over share sometimes.

You seem to be stuck on the unfairness (in your opinion) of it all and this thread seems to be going in circles.

Either the opinions you expressed or the manner in which you expressed them were offensive enough to these women for them to cut you off. We are not in a position to state whether or not this was your fault. However, they (your MIL and colleague) clearly do think you were in the wrong. From their perspective, that’s all that matters - so they cut you off. Whether or not you think that was fair or warranted is irrelevant.

Thats really all there is to it. If what you’re hoping for is advice to stop this from occurring again, you’ll need to analyse how you speak to people and honestly appraise whether there is room for improvement. That’s not really something anyone here can help with.

Some people are funny , I once had a school mum come over and invite dd to hers. The date offered my dd had dance class, I explained and said we could do a different day. She stared at me a few seconds then said, I'll let you know. That was nearly twenty years ago she never spoke to me again and blatantly ignored me if in a group.

It's possible the work colleague is similar. Your mil probably dislikes you putting her In her place.

Not everyone has to agree. Just do the things you choose to. If anyone wants to share their opinion on it you can just say thanks but I'm happy doing things this way. People should stop trying to influence eachother so much.

Yes I probably do get stuck on the fairness. My MIL is a lot like this lady at work and it’s made me wonder why we seem to have issues connecting. Both with my MIL and this lady we were close until an event where we didn’t agree and then that’s it, it’s all gone. I don’t have this issue with my mum or any other female. My MIL and this lady like I said are pillars and very how do I put it “important”, “prominent”.

They are/were relationships that were important to me and I wanted to repair. But I respect that others don’t see it this way.

But this is what this type of person is chasing: to silence you. Because you got an early shift that year. Maybe it meant she had less chances to get an early one too or be off that day. It has nothing to do with you expressing your opinion that that Christmas was all about children for you, at that time. Nothing to do with your opinion. All to do with flipping manipulation from the righteous ones.
Nobody seems to mention your MIL. Your child = your way of bringing them up. Now, this discussion can get really heated up. But ignoring you for putting your feet down regarding the upbringing of your own child. She is in the wrong. Well done to you for defending your way, your relationship with your children. I hope your partner has not sided with Mum.
Do not stop using your voice to fight for yourself and your family OP.

You don’t seem to have actually engaged with what I’ve said, OP.

Yes I have and I haven’t spoken to anyone in a manner to deserve this. I have to accept this and concentrate on the good relationships I have. I’ve been ruminating on nonsense I think.

So, no, you haven’t engaged with what I said.

Well, I tried.

I think that is right for you to do here. If you have analysed the situation and found that the pattern was you challenging overbearing women who don’t take well to that then your course of action is probably right.

If you got word from some kind of oracle of wisdom that you were indeed correct to approach these situations the way you have then the two women in question would still feel how they feel and be highly aggrieved at their perception of how you spoke to them.

If you have indeed reflected on this and you still believe what you feel is right in those circumstances then the outcome is as it should be and the lesson was these women were never your friends.

Having talked on here and in thinking I’m thinking that perhaps I don’t/didn’t mean to them what they meant to me. They are relationships I would have been willing to repair. You make mistakes you pull over and say look Im upset by what you said “Anne” and you repair. Of course I would have been willing to say I’m sorry it was not my intention to upset you and I’m sorry I did. But neither of these will talk to me. The MIL says she is doing nothing wrong, she simply thinks some of the ways I raise my kids is pointless and it could be done differently. The lady wouldn’t even look at me to even start a repair. It seems differing opinions are not allowed with certain people.

If your MIL won't talk to you as she has different opinions about how to bring up your children, does she still see your kids?

No not really, only if my partner goes but that’s not often anymore and they don’t EVER come to us. When they did long time ago there was always something wrong….oh why do you clean so much, why do you dry in the tumble dryer..why this and that. You should do that my way, do it this way. It wasn’t much fun.

So basically it looks like you were complaining or bitching that you had to do this and she didn't. And your reason is young children. Christmas Eve is a normal workday in the UK. She doesn't have to justify why she wants to spend time with her elderly mother to you.

Well it's her loss then. She does sound like a complete pain in the arse.

At the time there were about 10 people in this discussion all saying things. Some said the same as me and kids some said they want to go away in a cottage and not have to come in. Everyone had a reason why they wanted off. No one said that there’s was more important.

But you are on here implying she is wrong and you are right. 🤷‍♂️

You see, now it isn't "just a conversation" about working at Christmas. You had, whether fairly or not, a bit of an axe - that probably came across in what you were saying. If you think something is not fair then you should raise it with a manager and explain your case.

What I have said is it’s not fair of her to take such an extreme reaction about an opinion. Especially when this person has not worked the lates like some of us have. If we were all stood and all worked the same number and someone said they deserve if off more then that is wrong. But I’m stood with someone who hasn’t done half the number that I’ve done and they have a massive issue with me saying that Xmas in my life is for my children and I want to have an early shift to be with them. Why given the fact that I’ve done 6 and they only 1 or 2 not say you know what you’ve done way more then me go and enjoy your kids this year and I will swap.

You don't even work with this woman anymore! Why are you still so angry and caught up at the situation? She didn't like what you said/how you spoke to her. You don't have a relationship of any kind with her anymore. It's over. You need to let go of this.

You are right.

The OP has learned absolutely nothing from this thread

It would seem not. Such a pity.