MIL and colleague just cutting me off for having a different opinion.

[Timeforcake9]

What is going on here? On two separate occasions 2 women who I thought were being kind and we got on well completely cut me off.

1. Someone I worked with. They are known in the workplace for being overly helpful and accommodating. They do charity work and pride themselves on being fair etc. One conversation one day with others and I simply didn’t agree with one of the discussions. Nothing major I just had a different perspective, not negating hers but offered mine. That was is, never spoke to me at work for years.

2. My mother in law. We were absolutely fine until my daughter was born (or so I thought). She offered me her thoughts about how I should do things, like who changes the nappy, which milk. I kindly said I had my own thoughts, I’d like to do it this way. Then again I’m being totally ignored. She is another pillar of the community, charity work, most people like her. She can barely acknowledge me anymore. It seems ridiculous, I don’t mind opinions at all and I take up the ideas I like.

I think you were absolutely wrong on the first point with your colleague actually. Having children doesn't mean you are more special or more entitled to time off at Christmas, and I do have a child. It wasn't plain sailing getting to this point with my family and your comments regarding it are ignorant. I wouldn't want to engage further with you at work after that either.

Probably depends on how it was said.

I did not say that Xmas was only about children. I expressed as did everyone else in the room why Xmas eve was important to me at this current time. I did not say that there reasons to have Xmas eve off were any less worthy. I’ve got elderly relatives, a widowed mum etc, we all have these things. I simply expressed for “me” Xmas eve was to be with my children. I’d worked 6 out of 7.

Blimey, no wonder she was pissed off with you. I can’t believe you said this to her.

Sounds like you were a bit of a dick to your colleague, to be honest. If someone told me people with young kids should have priority over Christmas Eve because 'Christmas is for children' I'd probably give them pretty short shrift myself.

This says it better than I just did.

Why can’t I think that I’d like to put my kids first. I’ve done 6 out of 7 lates and she has done earlies. Why is it so wrong to want to have an early so that I can put them to bed for Christmas. Why does her mum make my wants less? I’ve got a widowed mum and her mum has dementia. Why is it wrong to want
to have this time with my kids. So she can do a late and I and others who also get lumped with the lates have an early. Why can’t it be fair. No one deserves it but we should all be treated fair.

You do not have to accept the wisdom of the crowd—sometimes its not very wise.

You were there and you have described fairly minor disputes with two women. You have also stated, and reflected on, your willingness to maintain a civil family or wirk related relationship. I think you should trust yourself and be a bit more sceptical of those who have given you the cold shoulder. The woman you worked with has moved on so just forget about her. Your MIL is just shooting herself in the foot. If you can manage it just pretend she never gave you advice at all. This may make it easier for her to climb down off her high horse.

You didn’t just say you wanted to put your kids first, though, did you? You said your family and your life were more important than hers.

This is what happens in a workplace when people are not treated equally. We all fighting over what we all want. If she was unhappy then she should have spoken to a manager and not took it out on me. I had spoken to the manager and did get my late swooped that year to an early. I shouldn’t have mentioned anything and it’s my stupidity for doing so. I mentioned that I was sharing my daughter and I had her this year so my manager was kind to me and swooped my late. This caused all hell to break loose, why was I given special treatment. Then this argument, then why didn’t she get special treatment over her mum. I have learnt to keep quiet now.

But the opinion you were giving her wasn't about fairness. It was about prioritising one group's Christmas (yours) over another groups. People without children hear this opinion all the time and those who do have children are often given preferential treatment.

Regarding your MIL, if I gave someone advice and they said that to me, I'd keep my advice to myself in future.

I'm not originally from the UK and my style of communication can be more direct, but I've not had someone cut me off because of it. I think your delivery may be causing some offense.

So you said you and your kids were more deserving than her and her mum, and you got special treatment 😅

Whatever the case, fair, unfair, whatever - she's not obligated to speak to you! If her avoiding you is interrupting your work that is one thing, but it's not her job to be nice to you.

She has a daughter though but she didn’t mention her.

Oh yes.
When I read that something has been explained " gently ' my mind's ear translates that to an insufferable patronising tone.

No I spoke to a manager and they kindly changed it. Anyone else with a problem could have gone and done the same thing.

‘ What has your husband said about/to his mother about her attitude?‘

It doesn’t sound as if OP lives with her ‘husband’, as she ‘shares’ her daughter. Or perhaps the MIL is from a successive marriage.

Yes you very kindly asked and your manager very kindly gave you special treatment 😆

I'm confused. Surely if it was supposed to be very fair you wouldn't be able to ask for a change, it would be done in a rota system or similar.

Sorry he just says to ignore her, she likes to be in control, always has done. Was quite high up in her job role and likes to control people and not to take it personally. She has always worked with men, never been too good with ladies.

That’s the issue, it is not and certain people always get the good shifts at Xmas and others not. Also the issue is that people
sit and complain and not go to management to sort it out. People always turn on each other and lots of whispers.

Ummm, from your second post "...it was over who looses out more if they work Xmas eve. I said that those with young kids as Xmas is about children." ?

Yep people struggle to accept others might hold different opinions than themselves. At an extreme level we have had two MPs murdered and many *mainly right of centre) assaulted over the last few years. At a lower level we have Rayner calling her opposition scum in the HoC.
When this behaviour exists at a national level it is hardly surprising individuals cannot agree to differ which is the sensible way to disagree.
Personally I love hearing different views and these may or may not make me modify my own viws (walk in someone elses shoes for a mile etc). But many people cannot be rational and have to cut off, insult or even assault. Sad in a democracy.

Well yes in my own case my children have lost out as 6 out of 7 years I’ve not been home to tuck them in. But that’s my life and in another’s life it will be something else. I never said that those people are any less worthy. This lady has been saying about her elderly mum for years and years and she has done early after early. It’s not fair really. We all have things that are important to us and time we will never get back but who gets priority. It needs to be fair at the very least.

I did learn from this, I didn’t mean to offend and I wanted to talk about it to her but she wouldn’t even forward on work related stuff to me.

You’re making it up as you go along. You’ve changed your story of how you spoke to her several times.

I don’t believe you really would apologise to move forward - you’re STILL arguing that you’re in the right here!

Oh, OP, ignore the comments saying it must be the way you are expressing opinions. These women sound oversensitive and have inflated ego's, 'how dare someone have a difference of opinion, I know, I'll ignore them until the end of time, that'll show them', absolutely ridiculous behaviour, and so immature of them. And, even if you were not so tactful in your delivery (im sure you were), their reactions are the issue. Not you.

People need to get over themselves.