Partner doesn’t drive.. resentment

[Feduptaxi]

nc for this.

My partner of coming up to two years can’t drive. He grew up in London, so hasn’t ever felt the need to, no other reason. He’s 35 now. I drive and own a car. Our whole relationship he’s been telling me he will learn, and had maybe 5 lessons over the summer.

It has now dropped off completely. For various reasons we are living out of the city at the moment and need to drive to the nearest station. For various reasons we are having to visit lots of family weekly, around 2-3 hours drive away.

I’m getting more and more resentful of it. He keeps telling me he will pick it up in the new year but hasn’t even booked his theory yet.

I’m finding it suffocating as public transport where we are stopping is sketchy so if he wants to go anywhere, it’s together (gym, shops, station). Any holiday we go on, if we have to hire a van, it all falls on me to make the arrangements and do the driving. If we go out to meet friends and need to drive, he can obviously sit and have a drink while I play taxi with a Diet Coke. He’s also quite happy to get lifts off his family when we go there, if I don’t bring the car.

No DC yet. He’s keen to start TTC but I’d like him to drive first, to help with appointments.

I don’t think he understands how tiring it is doing hundreds of miles of driving each week. He will buy the occasional tank of fuel but doesn’t contribute in any other way to the running of the car.

Money isn’t an issue, he could afford to do an intensive course if he wanted.

I’m thinking of gifting him a theory test booking for Christmas but I’m not sure if that will come across passive aggressive.

He is generally a wonderful partner. I don’t particularly want to start dealing out ultimatums but the reality is it’s starting to impact how I look at him as a partner.

Thank you for replying and sorry to hear that. Although glad you've been strong enough to end it.

Blimey that's a corker of an update. I'm really sorry OP but I hope you're in a better place for it

Wow. Sorry to hear about the cheating. What a time waster, in more ways than one. Onwards xx

You're not being unreasonable here.

My husband doesn't drive (we're 37) and has absolutely no interest in learning. That's fine - I like to drive. But the difference is, he never asks for lifts at all. He will graciously accept if offered a lift and obviously if we're both going somewhere I'm happy enough to be the driver - I think I'd want to be regardless cause I like being the one in control! But the only time he has ever asked me if I can take him somewhere was to a medical appointment that would require him catching multiple buses with a bandaged foot in the rain, or to visit his mum in hospital which was a stressful situation. Those of course are times I was ready to offer the lift regardless of whether he'd asked or not. Ordinarily, he will plan everything he wants to do alone around public transport. He never expects or demands. It's give and take, and respect. And that makes all the difference.

Oh you poor thing! I am so, so sorry but glad you acted with dispatch! Otherwise he would have been asking for lifts to his mistress. Totally shameless!

Wow, that's an update of note. I have to be honest, I'm not entirely surprised though, sadly. As I was reading this (and I may have been on the thread originally, I'm not sure, but it was familiar), I was thinking that it's not about the driing, it's the clear sense of entitlment he has that's the problem and his lack of consideration for you. so not entirely surprising that continued to him shagging someone else.

Well done for getting rid of him.

Given this was an 18 month old thread, it might have been wise to at least read the OP’s posts!

OP I’m so sorry to read your update, but you are well shot of him!

Wow what an update. Well done on binning him off! Bet he had no issues figuring out how to get to the OW without you having to drive him there - what a prince.

Oops - apologies. To be fair, we were into bad forum etiquette with someone necroposting. Ah well, sounds like you're well shot of him OP.

Is there something he can do but you can't. We can't all do everything, but relationships can work if you work as part of a team. You can each bring different things to the relationship.
If it's a otherwise good relationship I would leave someone over driving .There's far worse things happening out there. and driving isn't top of the list of bad things. Back when not so many women drove things were ok for families they managed Ok.

Old thread but I’ve updated- he’s gone. Turns out the driving was the tip of a very shitty iceberg

I’d really struggle with this. At best I would drive myself and get him to take public transport/taxis. Otherwise where is his incentive to change? Very unattractive. Sorry to those who have genuine reasons.

Great update. Every time a woman kicks a low value man to the kerb, I quietly rejoice.

EDIT - well done OP.

You need to withdraw your services- but I’d also be making it clear that he’s taking advantage of you. He comes across like a freeloader tbh. I think public transport should be prioritised but he clearly can’t hold his own there, so you need to be very, very clear with him and prepare yourself for the fact that he might not be bothered to sort.

Thank you ☺️

Thank you- not an excellent few weeks but I’m feeling an awful lot lighter for it now

Congrats OP on getting rid of this lowlife man. Onwards and upwards!