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Original poster

She seems to reject me because of political views

102 replies

Komarowsky · 15/12/2024 11:43

Hi!

A woman started chasing me with what seemed to me genuine interest. We went out on several dates and had a lot of fun. She started calling/texting quite often.

In our last date she asked me about previous relationships and seemed very invested. However, at some point, as if checking the boxes in a list, she started talking about politics. When she realized I do not strongly support her political views she became kind of aggressive and dismissive.

Ever since, she has kept the contact - she still calls and contacts me from time to time and is cordial with me, but has become distant.

For me political differences are not a red flag, as long as I have a decent person in front of me. Furthermore, we did not discuss ideas or values, so I feel she is a bit bigoted and has reduced me to a stereotype.

I assume at this point I don't stand a chance, but I really like her and think she is a great person. Any idea what I could do to tear down the wall she has built between us?

Thanks!!!

OP posts:
anniegun · 15/12/2024 11:47

People tend to prefer friends and partners who agree with their political outlook. the phrase "Never kissed a Tory" is pretty well known. I would move on

WhyDoesDenisNotRhymeWithPenis · 15/12/2024 11:47

Don't date aggressive people. Don't try to tear down a woman's boundaries.

Mangocity · 15/12/2024 11:50

What exactly is the difference? I think it matters. Are you not left enough for her or what?

DepartingRadish · 15/12/2024 11:52

Komarowsky · 15/12/2024 11:43

Hi!

A woman started chasing me with what seemed to me genuine interest. We went out on several dates and had a lot of fun. She started calling/texting quite often.

In our last date she asked me about previous relationships and seemed very invested. However, at some point, as if checking the boxes in a list, she started talking about politics. When she realized I do not strongly support her political views she became kind of aggressive and dismissive.

Ever since, she has kept the contact - she still calls and contacts me from time to time and is cordial with me, but has become distant.

For me political differences are not a red flag, as long as I have a decent person in front of me. Furthermore, we did not discuss ideas or values, so I feel she is a bit bigoted and has reduced me to a stereotype.

I assume at this point I don't stand a chance, but I really like her and think she is a great person. Any idea what I could do to tear down the wall she has built between us?

Thanks!!!

"tear down" is an odd choice of phrase. She doesn't want to date someone who isn't aligned to her politics. You can't force a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you, whatever the reason. Move on.

sprigatito · 15/12/2024 11:54

"Political differences" sounds innocuous, but it generally isn't. It's about basic values and how you relate to the world and other people. I would struggle to have a loving relationship with someone who believed refugees were "invaders", for example, or someone who thought sick and disabled people were a drain on society (these are views I've encountered from right-wing acquaintances). Maybe she's just realising you're not the person she thought you were. There will be someone out there who is more compatible with you.

TwistedWonder · 15/12/2024 11:54

Tbh there’s certain opinions I couldn’t get past because they’re so incompatible with my view of the world and so that would be real breaker for me.

You can’t force someone to date you when they’ve made it clear they’re not interested so move on and leave her alone.

Figsandwalnuts · 15/12/2024 11:55

I think different political views are usually an insurmountable obstacle.

sonjadog · 15/12/2024 11:57

You can't force her to accept something. Dating is about discovering if you are compatible or not. It has to work on both sides. She has discovered that you are not compatible with what she wants in a relationship. Therefore you two don't have a future together. It sucks when it is someone who fits what you are looking for, but such is life. You have to move on.

mindutopia · 15/12/2024 11:57

I wouldn’t have a relationship with anyone who didn’t share my political views. It’s an important part of my values and my identity. It just sounds like you are compatible and that’s okay. I’d just give her the fade and look for someone who is a better fit.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 15/12/2024 11:57

Depends on your political views. Personally I wouldn't date someone who supported Reform or the Conservatives in the current form because I don't date people with such poor critical thinking skills.

YesterdaysFuture · 15/12/2024 11:58

Considering that all the political parties are rather nasty at the moment, my suggestion would be to move on.

CandyLeBonBon · 15/12/2024 12:01

Ultimately whatever those differences are, she's decided you aren't compatible. I couldn't date someone who believed men who think they're women belong in women's sports/prisons/spaces for example, and knowing you believed that would massively affect my opinion of you. I've no doubt that for some, that would change their opinion of me, and that's fine.
We're all entitled to our own beliefs and opinions op, but if it's her hill to die on then that gulf is probably too wide to bridge and you're better off walking away.

Original poster
Komarowsky · 15/12/2024 12:06

The thing is that we are not so far apart when it comes to values and ideas, but she is unconditionally supporting the left and I am much more critical, assessing policies and politicians individually and being critical when I observe contradictions or mistakes.
Besides we have never talked about concrete items, so I feel for her it is not a question of ideas or values as much as of blind adherence.
That said, the connection so far was so overwhelming that I find this is a real pity and would like to find a way to her without becoming what I am not or provoking a head-on confrontation.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 15/12/2024 12:08

Komarowsky · 15/12/2024 12:06

The thing is that we are not so far apart when it comes to values and ideas, but she is unconditionally supporting the left and I am much more critical, assessing policies and politicians individually and being critical when I observe contradictions or mistakes.
Besides we have never talked about concrete items, so I feel for her it is not a question of ideas or values as much as of blind adherence.
That said, the connection so far was so overwhelming that I find this is a real pity and would like to find a way to her without becoming what I am not or provoking a head-on confrontation.

You clearly have very little respect for her intelligence. The way you speak about her is incredibly condescending and unpleasant. Maybe she's picking up on this? It's a massive turn-off.

TwistedWonder · 15/12/2024 12:11

Sorry OP but maybe she’s just not interested and using political differences as a get out excuse.

Accept they she’s not into you and stop trying to push her boundaries.

TepidBathofManagedDecline · 15/12/2024 12:12

She could chose not to date you because you do (or don't) pronounce the T at the end of restaurant. She could chose not to date you because you were late. She could chose to date you because you think she's a silly little woman who isn't critical enough in her political thinking ... it's totally her choice. You need to move on.

NantesElephant · 15/12/2024 12:14

Ask her if she will meet you for a coffee to talk about it. If you have never talked about concrete items, how can you know if it is ‘blind adherence’ on her part, or a reflection of her actual values?

Dotto · 15/12/2024 12:15

You do not have a right to her. You may not tear down anything.

You will not get any advice as to how to be an abusive prick, here.

SilenceInside · 15/12/2024 12:16

Just leave her alone. Your criticism here of her intellectual failings is deeply unpleasant. She owes you nothing, you don't have any right to her time or attention.

sonjadog · 15/12/2024 12:17

Your last post reads that you think her less intelligent than you and that you want to meet to persuade her to bend her beliefs to suit you as you couldn't possibly bend yours to suit her.

Just leave her alone.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 15/12/2024 12:17

but she is unconditionally supporting the left and I am much more critical, assessing policies and politicians individually and being critical when I observe contradictions or mistakes

Well.....aren't you a catch? 🤣

You're way too condescending for me. I imagine that your ex, who is obviously an intelligent and intuitive lady, thinks so too.

You're welcome 😊

Meadowfinch · 15/12/2024 12:18

It's up to her who she dates.

And why would you want to be with someone who blindly follows political dogma (of any flavour) without considering the implications. I couldn't date someone like that. Too many flash points.

it doesn't sound like you are suited.

skilpadde · 15/12/2024 12:20

Dotto · 15/12/2024 12:15

You do not have a right to her. You may not tear down anything.

You will not get any advice as to how to be an abusive prick, here.

Yes, exactly this. His "what I could do to tear down the wall she has built" speaks volumes. No "what can I do to reassure her that I'm politically moderate" happening here, just straight to how do I tear down her boundaries.

OP, leave this woman alone and move on. Be open to finding someone who is more compatible with you.

Ja428 · 15/12/2024 12:21

Just ghost her. Me and DH sometimes vote differently. Between me and my siblings we voted for 3 different parties. She sounds like an extremist if she requires you to conform to her views. You should see this as a big red flag, rather than seeking to overcome it.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/12/2024 12:22

You've dodged a bullet op.
Anyone who can't accept that other people have different opinions to them is worth avoiding.