She seems to reject me because of political views

[Komarowsky]

Hi!

A woman started chasing me with what seemed to me genuine interest. We went out on several dates and had a lot of fun. She started calling/texting quite often.

In our last date she asked me about previous relationships and seemed very invested. However, at some point, as if checking the boxes in a list, she started talking about politics. When she realized I do not strongly support her political views she became kind of aggressive and dismissive.

Ever since, she has kept the contact - she still calls and contacts me from time to time and is cordial with me, but has become distant.

For me political differences are not a red flag, as long as I have a decent person in front of me. Furthermore, we did not discuss ideas or values, so I feel she is a bit bigoted and has reduced me to a stereotype.

I assume at this point I don't stand a chance, but I really like her and think she is a great person. Any idea what I could do to tear down the wall she has built between us?

Thanks!!!

The thing is that we are not so far apart when it comes to values and ideas, but she is unconditionally supporting the left and I am much more critical, assessing policies and politicians individually and being critical when I observe contradictions or mistakes.

While I could feasibly be romantically involved with someone who voted differently to me, I would absolutely never in a million years get involved with someone who would write that sentence. Condescending pillock.

You are extremely condescending about a woman you profess to care about.

You have no right to try ride roughshod over her boundaries. It looks like she was right, you are incompatible. She dodged a bullet.

@Ja428 she isn't requiring him to conform to her views, she expressed her views and found that this man didn't share them. She's then simply decided to politely withdraw from seeing him. That's all.

This ^

So she requires a partner to conform. Otherwise that person can’t be her partner. Doesn’t matter how it’s worded, it’s extremism.

Absolute nonsense. They’ve talked, found their views don’t align and she’s decided not to pursue a relationship with him

How you’ve seen that as her wanting him to conform and extremism is beyond me. She’s not asked him to agree with her, he’s the one pushing it.

They’re incompatible and he needs to leave it.

If she's such a left woke warrior, and you're not, then why would you want to go out with her anyway
I'd find it a massive turn off.

It is also her choice. When it comes to dating, we don't have to justify our choices, if we say "no" to someone, then they need to respect it, even if they think the reason is stupid. So yes, it seems she does require her partner to conform to her political views, and that is her prerogative.

I agree. People like this are a pain.

I would choose not to date a fox-hunt supporting, binge-drinking estate agent, for example. That is my personal preference, not expecting the person to change, or extremism.

The poor woman has simply backed off, as she is in her rights to do.

I do think political views would need to be pretty aligned for some people. Too far either side of central wouldn’t sit well with me really. The more time you spend with someone the more obvious their stance is if it’s too far either way. People that are middle of the road are more chilled out about it I’d say.

The media has been promoting a political divide and conquer agenda for a while now. Some people are smart enough to see through it, some people aren’t. Shrug and move on.

It’s a question of how important your politics are in your lives.

If, like many people, you aren’t that bothered about politics, you could live happily with someone whose interests similarly lie elsewhere.

If, like many other people, you support one political party, or have strongly held political/social beliefs, you won’t get on with someone whose beliefs are different.

Bit of a reach to assume that the OP is an abusive prick, let alone is asking for advice on how to be one. You also assume that it is a man speaking, as you wouldn’t call a woman a prick I would imagine.

Perhaps the issue with your post, and generally in response to OP, is that too many people stereotype. I vote conservative as i believe they are all as bad as each other but in my position i would be worse off under labour. Selfish? Perhaps. I also give to charity, volunteer and don’t see disabled people as scrounging. Stereotypes don’t always work.

The tolerant left seem to be the least tolerant of all the persuasions.

It depends on the differences. I’m quite left and can get along fine with a Tory, but not be in a relationship with a UKIP supporter. Not would I want to go far left and be ungluing them from the motorways on a weekend.

Agree with you. I wouldn’t date a very right wing fox hunting type but also couldn’t go near a very left wing ‘women can have a penis’ type either - as I find both ends of the political spectrum a long way from my view of the world.

But equally I couldn’t date a Spurs fan or someone into heavy metal music do we all have our preferences as far as dating is concerned and it’s not wrong to draw our own boundaries.

No, I do not think she is less intelligent than me (but even if this was true, I do not see the problem. When two people date chances are that one is more intelligent than the other, the same way one can be more athletic, funnier, prettier, etc.)

The reason why I think she is being a bit intolerant and, in my view, irrational (which is quite common in politics) is that she never speaks about policies, ideas or values, but about supporting or not critizising her party.

English is not my mother tongue, so maybe the "tear down the wall she has built" does not sound the way I intended. Just saying that she showed a lot of interest and connection and it is difficult to believe for me that someone rejects someone on political grounds without having discussed politics at all, just by not accepting the possibility of questioning her party at all. I feel like in a if-you-are-not-with-me-you-are-against-me situation.

Not trying to play any tricks on her or being disrespectful with her or the members of the forum, just asking an open, maybe naive question to the forum, as I find myself rather bewildered.

Agreed. "Blind adherence" indeed.

I suspect it is this attitude, not just the politics that is causing an issue.

Leave her alone, she gets to choose who she dates.

It's not a problem for everybody, there's more to life than politics.
But it seems that it is to her, so let it go.

It's very simple. Once she experienced more of your interactions she has decided not to pursue a relationship with you. That's it. Nothing more to it, and you should accept that and move on with good grace. She has not been unkind to you or unpleasant.

You have called her intolerant, bigoted, irrational and so on. Why would you want to pursue anyone who isn't interested in you and who you think is intolerant, bigoted and irrational??

Unless you are the type who can change your political outlook at the whim of others in the hope of attracting a partner, you'd be better off dating someone you've more in common with. She's made it plain it's turned her off, so leave it.

Of course ‘political differences’ can be a reason not to date / red flag. For example, what if someone’s politics were extreme far right or totalitarianism? There must be a point a which political differences matter.

Sooo, she knows your views roughly align - how does she know you like to critically assess each policy and view point? Have you told her? Have you discussed policies and positions not just “you voted x party? Me too.”

could it be, you are someone who likes to talk about politics out loud? Who would actually talk about policies and ideas?

if you aren’t into political debates - you like a particular party that line up to your ideas and that’s that - then you may well find someone who likes debates /debating issues tiresome.

have you ever made her feel she has to justify or explain her position on something? That could be the case if you assume everyone critically assesses all policies and therefore already has a position thought out on them.

essentially you aren’t compatible. this isn’t a left /right issue- If you do like to talk politics and debate issues, you also wouldn’t be comparable with say, the sort of person who says they don’t do politics, then vote Tory because that’s what they’ve always done and their local Tory MP was pleasant when they spoke to them at an event once.

go find yourself a lass who did A level politics or was in the uni debating club. You’ll be happier.

You may see there are similarities in your politics - but from her point of view you may have crossed a line. My in-laws, for example, are left wing and mostly vote Labour and on the surface similar to me on a basic level of left/right politics.

They are also casually racist and quite homophobic which grates all the time - the kids pick them up on it too. If I was in first few dates with someone who said some of the things they say, I'd wind things down too.

They wouldn't really see what is wrong in what they say but to us it us awful and if they weren't my in-laws we'd see less of them because of it