She seems to reject me because of political views

[Komarowsky]

Hi!

A woman started chasing me with what seemed to me genuine interest. We went out on several dates and had a lot of fun. She started calling/texting quite often.

In our last date she asked me about previous relationships and seemed very invested. However, at some point, as if checking the boxes in a list, she started talking about politics. When she realized I do not strongly support her political views she became kind of aggressive and dismissive.

Ever since, she has kept the contact - she still calls and contacts me from time to time and is cordial with me, but has become distant.

For me political differences are not a red flag, as long as I have a decent person in front of me. Furthermore, we did not discuss ideas or values, so I feel she is a bit bigoted and has reduced me to a stereotype.

I assume at this point I don't stand a chance, but I really like her and think she is a great person. Any idea what I could do to tear down the wall she has built between us?

Thanks!!!

I don't think having different political views is a problem, the trick is not to get into pointless arguments where you know the other will never agree with you.

My OH and I definitely have different views even though we do agree on some issues, we never discuss voting but I suspect we have voted for different parties much of the time (married 30+yrs).
My late parents were at different ends of the political spectrum but it clearly didn't bother them too much as they were married for 60+yrs. Poling day was always amusing as they would gleefully announce how they had voted opposite to the other. Likewise canvasing, they would shout from the door that "your" party would like to talk to you.

You sound incompatible. She doesn’t sound that interested in you, and it could be because your political views don’t align, or your general attitudes are different. Maybe she feels she is more intelligent than you and that could be a deal breaker for her even if not for you. It sounds like it has run its course.

@Komarowsky I'm afraid that sounds as if you think you are much more intelligent than her and you despise her a bit. That's not having different political views.

Some people seem to like to hold the fashionable opinion and not want to discuss - I always think it belies a shallow thinker.

Gosh, you sound awful.

She doesn’t want you. She doesn’t need any further justification than that. It doesn’t matter what you think of her reasons, it’s a unilateral decision.

Move tf on.

My parents always voted differently, but I think their values aligned - they just disagreed on how they should be implemented. I don't know how my current partner voted, but I have a good idea. I certainly know how he feels about certain policies. I know he did politics at A-level; I did history to degree level. We've had lively discussions, but it's to understand where each of us is coming from, rather than to force the other to change their mind.

She's allowed not to date you for any reason she likes. It might be because she thinks you don't align politically. It might also be because she doesn't like the way you pick up your keys when you leave the pub, or the way you ate a piece of bread or something daft. If she's decided it, it's her choice, and you can't force her to change it.

Just what every woman wants - a man who thinks she’s intolerant and irrational 🙄

Move on. She doesn’t want a relationship with you and that is her right.

You don't see a problem she does.
It's done.

The reason why I think she is being a bit intolerant and, in my view, irrational (which is quite common in politics) is that she never speaks about policies, ideas or values, but about supporting or not critizising her party.

Intolerant and irrational are rather negative, judgemental words. Are you sure she isn’t just shutting down that particular conversation with you?

Some people do not enjoy any form of confrontation, intense debate, or political sparring. They politely disengage if you try. It may be their character, or maybe years of living with an overbearing partner or parent who are ‘always right’.

Some people are happy to support a broad ideology but find the detail of politics boring. If you are keen on policy detail (the majority are not), and this type of person isn’t your type, move on.

Maybe she feels it is pointless to give her actual views because you care more about putting across your views than listening to hers.

Or alternatively, she might find your actual views distasteful and beyond debate, so has decided not to invest any more into this potential relationship.

You won’t know the truth without discussing these things with her, and only then if she chooses to enlighten you. But it sounds as though she has checked out. I would move on, and be slower to judge in future interactions.

Tbh there’s certain opinions I couldn’t get past because they’re so incompatible with my view of the world and so that would be real breaker for me.

Same.

Might be a bit simplistic but I've realised a lot of men aren't really put off by what women think about things because they don't really care what a woman thinks about things at all.

But women often do care quite deeply because it gives them an idea of the measure of a person and how they can expect a relationship to progress/how that man might view their respective roles in a relationship/whether a man values women.

Political differences would be a total deal breaker for me in a romantic relationship. There are very few things that I could simultaneously disagree on and still think the person in front of me is a 'decent' person.

I think you are avoiding telling the whole story. For me, it looks like you deliberately created the whole narrative as “she is as a staunch leftie while I am a critical thinker”. It’s hard to believe she didn’t even ask your political stance/views, or which political party you are more inclined to trust or vote for in the future, especially in the context where the politics seems to be an important aspect in a relationship for her.

After my mid twenties I probably wouldn't date someone who's politics were quite different to mine. It does hint at an ethos, which is likely to be echoed in a domestic setting.
DH & I also think that if one of us found religion that would be a divorce.
I wouldn't date someone who voted a certain way for Brexit so I guess that halves my pool.

Life is too short to have someone you disagree with strongly in your home.

Agreed. I'm flexible on religion, but politics would be a deal breaker, as it is how you view the world and the people in it.

In this instance, I am imagining the OP thinking he is looking into things in more depth and with more critical thinking than his date...and this very much coming across in conversation when all she wanted was a surface level chat. I think most women can very much picture the tone, content and presentation of this conversation, even down to facial expression.

She doesn't want to date you, move on.

Absolutely this

It’s also hard to believe for me; that’s why I’m so puzzled she does not even want to know my opinion

Tbh if you came across in conversation the way you have here then she won’t need to know the finer points of your opinion - your condescending superior tone will have been off putting enough.

She’s not interested - leave the woman alone

Don't stalk the poor woman. You've been dumped; it happens in dating; move on.

I see what the problem is. You should leave her alone.

My husband and I have some differing political views, but aren’t in disagreement about major philosophies and I don’t have to deal with him voting for people who want to take away my rights as a woman. If I were dating, I absolutely would be checking in I see where men stood on certain issues. The stakes have are increasing for women’s rights and partnering and/or procreating with men who don’t support us is simply unwise.

She doesn't want to know your opinion because she doesn't care what it is. She isn't interested in you. Move on.

I think you're being judged too harshly here.

If I understand correctly, she was very much into you until you had a conversation where she expressed her affiliation/alignment with a left-wing party, and you said something like 'yes, but their policy on XX is awful'. And after that she stopped contact?

If that's the case, it's a shame, but there is nothing you can (or should) do. Fanatical/uncritical positions are common on the left. I was (am?) one of them.

Sorry but I burst out laughing at you not being able to believe that a woman doesn't want to hear your opinion on herself. Move on man, she's counted you out.

That's it, you've convinced me. All she needs is another date with you which you spend mansplaining to her how exactly she is wrong about everything, and she's bound to change her mind.