Partner lied about "surprise " would you be mad?

[ohohohho]

It's my Birthday on Christmas Day.
I was hoping to have a night away this weekend and maybe a nice meal.
I did this for my partner last month on his birthday.
At first he said the hotels are a waste of money on a Saturday night (only night we could stay over ) and he would look into it.
After a week I asked if he found anything he said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay.
Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced.
He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.
He has paid for the train on Sunday (he knows we can't stay over as we both have work Monday )
Would you be annoyed ?

Yes. Tell him he needs to book a weekend away for you or else it’s over and that’s as he lied.

Have you seen the tickets?

Yes, that is rubbish. He seems to be very tight with money.

Yes he has showed me them saved to his phone.
Deffo booked for Sunday

So he's bought train tickets to York? And what is he planning to do when you're there?

Well
Op after another shitty birthday this year due to lack of planning on dh part and adult dd being late and then being flakey and changing her plans last minute I've told them all next year don't bother taking any time off for my birthday.
Il be booking the day off work,booking a massage and facial somewhere and have lunch out on my own

I'm bloody sick of every year being the same
I put effort into everyone else's and yet mine is always a flop

I even ended up paying for everyone's lunch on MY birthday this year so I made it v clear it wasn't happening again.

Festive markets and then go for cocktails and food somewhere.
I wanted to go down on Saturday and stay overnight but he didn't want to pay the hotel prices on a Saturday night as in his words "they taking our eyes out "

@ohohohho the youth hostel at water end is quite cheap. They have a lovely bar and good food. Or there are two premier inns in York centre and lots of bed and breakfast places

Ill get flamed but this would be a dumping offence from me. I can't stand tightness. Sorry he's treating your birthday like this OP.

The day itself sounds lovely but for me it has been almost ruined by his meanness and dishonesty. If you both can’t afford the hotel then fine but to deliberately mislead you to stop you booking something you wanted to do for your birthday. What a git. I’d be really hurt and tempted to tell him to stick his day trip up his arse and book a weekend with friends instead.

How long have you been together?

Having different ideas on how much to spend is pretty normal. Even though seeing your b’day is on Christmas Day, I’m not sure how he is going to cope with ‘it’s just such a rip off at this time of the year’ every single year.

But lying so you can’t book a hotel?
Thats very controlling and snacks of just wanting his own way.

Which makes me think this is probably not the only time he has acted like this (wanting his own way at all cost)

As someone whose birthday this week was utterly disappointing so this is a very raw nerve, please insist that he organise and pay for some decent activities for Sunday in York. I hope you have a lovely birthday, OP.

Feeling your birthday disappointment.

Book yourself a nice hotel for the Saturday night, and your own travel and if you want him to join you on the Sunday with the train tickets he's bought then fine, if not, tell him not to bother.

I'm fed up of being let down on birthdays whilst spending lots of time and effort on everyone else's. So from now on, I'm just going to buy myself gifts/trip away etc. whatever I fancy instead.

Your DP's attitude would be very disappointing for me, is your relationship good otherwise? Or is he generally a disappointment?

Nah he’s a twat. We did York the Friday before Christmas last year, 5* hotel really wasn’t that expensive! My Dh would never behave like yours, and I’d leave him if he did. That’s not compatible to me!

So what, though? Tell him you want to stay over, that you're past the stage of finding day trips that much fun.

And tell him meanness is deeply unattractive.

I'd be annoyed, assuming you can both actually afford it and he's just bring cheap. It's your birthday and, within reason, you should get to do what you want, especially without someone lying to you to prevent you getting on and making your own plans.

I'd call him on it and tell him not to bother doing anything since he's so worried about money. Then go do you own thing without him.

I'd be annoyed about it being Sunday. Trains seem really unreliable on Sundays, maybe he's banking on that and getting the train fare back. There's tight and then there's...........your partner.

Yeah, that's a horrible thing to do to the person you're meant to love. Number of issues going on here:

• lying to you, thus humiliating you/making you seem stupid and uptight when you asked about it. If he genuinely can't afford a hotel that's fine, but instead of suggesting your desire was stupid, he should have had an adult conversation with you and said 'I really want to do something nice for you, but can't afford a hotel. Is there anything else you'd like to do?'. It's never ever ok to make your partner feel small/stupid, and his actions were clearly intended to do that.
• a LACK of desire to want to do something nice for you. Last time it was my partner's birthday, I was genuinely so excited to take them out as I knew they'd really enjoy it. I couldn't afford anything, so I took them to the park for a picnic which I made. Your partner seems to view doing something nice for you as a chore, rather than something he wants to do. That's a problem.

Hope you either tell him to sack it, or have a conversation with him where he genuinely apologises and never does something like that again.

It’s not my thing to put pressure on other people to plans things for me or to nag about surprises so I do think you sound quite annoying.

Maybe you could book a joint weekend away in future since your birthdays are quite close.

York is expensive to be honest on a weekend to stay over, going for a day is nice but make sure you book some where for food etc as it is heaving and everyone wants the same thing (get out of cold and rain!)
Next year save your money and book yourself into a top spa, with a friend.

So your birthday is in on Christmas Day and you are going for a day out to York this Sunday?

Sounds like a nice day to me 🤷‍♀️

Tell him to cancel your ticket. You might meet him there if you’re still together. Cheap bastard.

I'd leave him to it and go and do my own thing - book somewhere nice, have a massage and a nice dinner, and leave the lying twat at home.

The deal breaker for me would be using your birthday surprise as the reason for lying. Really shitty behaviour.