Page 5 | Partner lied about "surprise " would you be mad?

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 17:30

loropianalover · 12/12/2024 11:29

I’ve read all of your updates OP. At this point I’d tell him to cancel his train tickets, and you just book a nice hotel for yourself on Saturday night. One with a pool/sauna and room service.

I disagree with other opinions here that you are being grabby or demanding. He can pay for Tenerife and Manchester but when it’s something for you and your birthday occasion, all of a sudden the hotels are too costly. Lying about having booked a ‘surprise’ is also quite cruel and frankly a bizarre way for a grown adult to act.

But did he want a night away on his birthday or did the OP want that? Was his birthday night away really just a night away she wanted to do.
The OP seems to want to go away a lot. Maybe they can't afford it. We haven't really got the full picture here

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 17:43

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 17:26

Without knowing your financial situation it's impossible to say. Are you a crazy spender? You say you've recently been to Tenerife, Manchester and a night away for his birthday. Maybe you just spend too much money?

If he felt that way, then he should have said that and they could have discussed it. What he’s done instead is underhand and weirdly controlling. It wouldn’t be acceptable to me.

I agree that OP seems to want to go away rather a lot by most people’s standards. That doesn’t make it okay for him to lie to her.

lifelist · 12/12/2024 17:49

I mean, I'm probably going to get flamed here but I can't really see what the problem is!?
He didn't lie - he said he wasn't going to pay for a night away.
He's planned and booked train tickets for a lovely sounding day out in a beautiful city with cocktails and a Christmas market.
You just got back from a sunshine holiday last week and you're going away again overnight soon.
I think you are being unreasonable here OP. Hotels are expensive - I would imagine he's thinking that the budget has been blown for nights away already.
I think you don't know how lucky you are.
Some people never get to go away for one night in a hotel.

lifelist · 12/12/2024 17:52

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 17:43

If he felt that way, then he should have said that and they could have discussed it. What he’s done instead is underhand and weirdly controlling. It wouldn’t be acceptable to me.

I agree that OP seems to want to go away rather a lot by most people’s standards. That doesn’t make it okay for him to lie to her.

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What is controlling about him saying no to a night away and booking a day out instead? He didn't lie - he has booked a day out. The OP is being a Princess and needs to count her blessings. Jeez people Mills & Boon is not real!

Terrribletwos · 12/12/2024 18:11

ohohohho · 11/12/2024 16:41

It's my Birthday on Christmas Day.
I was hoping to have a night away this weekend and maybe a nice meal.
I did this for my partner last month on his birthday.
At first he said the hotels are a waste of money on a Saturday night (only night we could stay over ) and he would look into it.
After a week I asked if he found anything he said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay.
Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced.
He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.
He has paid for the train on Sunday (he knows we can't stay over as we both have work Monday )
Would you be annoyed ?

No, not really. I think he has tried his best and prices in york are ridiculous. Appreciate his effort.

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 18:20

lifelist · 12/12/2024 17:52

What is controlling about him saying no to a night away and booking a day out instead? He didn't lie - he has booked a day out. The OP is being a Princess and needs to count her blessings. Jeez people Mills & Boon is not real!

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Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced. He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.

That was the lie. And he freely admits he told it to stop her doing what she wanted - that’s controlling. I’m not sure what part you’re questioning? Or why wanting a partner who doesn’t tell weird lies is straying into Mills and Boon territory.

AskJateace · 12/12/2024 18:37

I can understand you being a little annoyed. Maybe you feel like the plans that was made was not what you really wanted to do. Maybe you should have been a little more specific about what you wanted. But I truly think that he was trying to make real effort and that his heart was in the right place. But on a day like your birthday I can understand you wanting things to be perfect and a little extravagant. You believe that you could be doing something else and end up having more fun. You need to communicate that! It is your birthday and but nobody can truly read another's mind, so communication goes a long way. But whatever you decide to do, try to have fun and enjoy your day. And next time make sure you clearly verbalize what you want and where you want to go so the both of you can plan ahead next time.
Happy Birthday!!
Best Wishes!!

PuddlesPityParty · 12/12/2024 18:51

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 17:30

But did he want a night away on his birthday or did the OP want that? Was his birthday night away really just a night away she wanted to do.
The OP seems to want to go away a lot. Maybe they can't afford it. We haven't really got the full picture here

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This!

missod · 12/12/2024 18:59

A night in a hotel for your birthday, is just a night in a hotel if it's nowhere near your birthday.

Est1990 · 12/12/2024 19:07

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 17:30

But did he want a night away on his birthday or did the OP want that? Was his birthday night away really just a night away she wanted to do.
The OP seems to want to go away a lot. Maybe they can't afford it. We haven't really got the full picture here

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Exactly.
Plus he told her first time he wasn't going to book a hotel and she said 'okay'

And one week later she went asked again. So her original 'ok' was just dismissive.

lifelist · 12/12/2024 19:12

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 18:20

Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced. He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.

That was the lie. And he freely admits he told it to stop her doing what she wanted - that’s controlling. I’m not sure what part you’re questioning? Or why wanting a partner who doesn’t tell weird lies is straying into Mills and Boon territory.

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The surprise that he did organise (which was a surprise because the OP didn't know about it initially) was train tickets and a day out. He didn't lie. The OP thinks this is a lie because it is not what she wanted. She was pressuring him to organise a night away and he sad no - I think she is controlling.
Expecting your DH/DP to arrange mini-breaks when you've already been spoilt (even if you spoilt yourself!) on holidays and nights away is expecting too much imo. The poor guy is possibly up to his neck in credit card debt to fund his portion of the holidays. Which is very un Mills & Boon!

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 19:36

lifelist · 12/12/2024 19:12

The surprise that he did organise (which was a surprise because the OP didn't know about it initially) was train tickets and a day out. He didn't lie. The OP thinks this is a lie because it is not what she wanted. She was pressuring him to organise a night away and he sad no - I think she is controlling.
Expecting your DH/DP to arrange mini-breaks when you've already been spoilt (even if you spoilt yourself!) on holidays and nights away is expecting too much imo. The poor guy is possibly up to his neck in credit card debt to fund his portion of the holidays. Which is very un Mills & Boon!

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If even he agrees that there was no surprise, then you saying otherwise is a bit baffling. And, again, if he’d just said ‘no’, that wouldn’t be an issue. That’s not what happened.

If you’re not seeing that, then I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree.

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 21:56

@ThatTealViewer

If he felt that way, then he should have said that and they could have discussed it. What he’s done instead is underhand and weirdly controlling. It wouldn’t be acceptable to me.

I agree that OP seems to want to go away rather a lot by most people’s standards. That doesn’t make it okay for him to lie to her.
I agree but again we don't know what's led up to this. There may have been countless discussions about overspending. This might be a massive issue that's turned into this craziness

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 22:00

@ThatTealViewer
The OP said he said no night away and she agreed. She then was planning to book one anyway. So he knew her and knew that she would go against their agreement so he did this to stop her from doing so. I'm very much getting the impression the OP has no control and just books stuff up and spends all their money and he has got to the point where he has to do crazy stuff to stop them going into debt

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 22:11

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 21:56

@ThatTealViewer

If he felt that way, then he should have said that and they could have discussed it. What he’s done instead is underhand and weirdly controlling. It wouldn’t be acceptable to me.

I agree that OP seems to want to go away rather a lot by most people’s standards. That doesn’t make it okay for him to lie to her.
I agree but again we don't know what's led up to this. There may have been countless discussions about overspending. This might be a massive issue that's turned into this craziness

That’s a very fair point that hadn’t actually occurred to me.

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 22:15

burntheleaves · 12/12/2024 22:00

@ThatTealViewer
The OP said he said no night away and she agreed. She then was planning to book one anyway. So he knew her and knew that she would go against their agreement so he did this to stop her from doing so. I'm very much getting the impression the OP has no control and just books stuff up and spends all their money and he has got to the point where he has to do crazy stuff to stop them going into debt

I don’t think she said she agreed (if I missed it, my apologies). As above, it’s possible that this is the climax of massive issues around overspending (which is an entirely different scenario), but lying is still unacceptable to me. As is ‘I lied because if I hadn’t you’d have done X’. Tell the truth, have the row, etc.

litepop · 12/12/2024 22:16

I'd be slightly annoyed about the lying.

My level of annoyance re not staying over in a hotel for my birthday would depend:

1)Is he being tight and miserable? If so I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

Or

does he (and you if joint finances) not have the money for it? It's and expensive time of year, especially with dc and presents etc and it sounds like you've both just had birthdays. If money is right and he's doing the best with the money he does have, I'd be more understanding