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Original poster

Partner lied about "surprise " would you be mad?

117 replies

ohohohho · 11/12/2024 16:41

It's my Birthday on Christmas Day.
I was hoping to have a night away this weekend and maybe a nice meal.
I did this for my partner last month on his birthday.
At first he said the hotels are a waste of money on a Saturday night (only night we could stay over ) and he would look into it.
After a week I asked if he found anything he said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay.
Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced.
He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.
He has paid for the train on Sunday (he knows we can't stay over as we both have work Monday )
Would you be annoyed ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ohohohho · 11/12/2024 19:21

His justification is that we just got back from Tenerife last Thursday and the 27th we are in Manchester for a night so he said why do we need a overnight this weekend as well.
Even tho it's what I want for my birthday

OP posts:
godmum56 · 11/12/2024 19:35

ohohohho · 11/12/2024 19:21

His justification is that we just got back from Tenerife last Thursday and the 27th we are in Manchester for a night so he said why do we need a overnight this weekend as well.
Even tho it's what I want for my birthday

so its your fault because your birthday is at the wrong time? Usual question from me. Apart from being a sneaky lying weaselguts, what does he bring to the party?

dothehokeycokey · 11/12/2024 19:43

@mustardseedandmoonshire

And do you really enjoy your birthday doing this?

See I'm always happy in my own company so am always saying to my lot not to do anything and book time off as il do something on my own but they insist and then it ends up absolutely shit to be perfectly honest.

I put a lot of effort into everyone else's birthdays and yet my two eldest who are both adults now really don't and dh is just shit at it to be honest.

He doesn't really like to celebrate his birthday and says that every year but I make a big effort and cost and he always says how lovely it was and how he's glad I made the effort and yet mine comes round and it's shit shit shit

Even my own dmum just gave me a card this year,no flowers or chicks or anything and usually she does.

My dsis card was two days late and sil was a week late so fuck em all I say

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/12/2024 19:47

So you’re not worth spending on a hotel for? Even though it’s what you want on your birthday? He’s a tight ass and that’s a very unpleasant quality op. I’ve got the ick for you!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 11/12/2024 20:56

So he has enjoyed a hotel stay for his birthday, a trip to Tenerife and a night in Manchester, but is stopping you from having one night's hotel stay for your birthday? Why are you with Prince Charming??

Oodydoody · 11/12/2024 21:11

This is your life if you want to accept it.
He's a tight liar.
ICK.

Onlyvisiting · 11/12/2024 21:16

What a manipulative cock!
He disagrees with what you want for your birthday so not only doesn't offer to organise it he deliberately blocks you from organising your own trip? That's so shitty.
That being said, it's not actually your birthday, so if he'd said our finances are pretty tight (?) And hotels are so overpriced in December let's go away for a night a couple weeks after your bday instead (ie in Jan) then I would think differently. But the lying and manipulation is vile

Stinksmum · 11/12/2024 21:17

My birthday is the on the 23rd, I was saying to DH just tonight that I'm not getting fobbed off again with a bad takeaway because it's not my fault I've an "inconvenient birthday". It's no-one's fault, but all my friends are usually busy so no-one can meet for drinks or a meal out. (The inevitable Christmas set menu). But I do expect my DH to make an effort. On a side note, I live outside York and got a train in last Saturday for some drinks with my sister. It was a bloody nightmare, we couldn't even get in the door of 50% of the bars, even the Sam Smiths old man pub, down the side street, and usually empty was 4 deep at the bar. And usually the nicer York hotels have a 2 night minimum on a weekend.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 11/12/2024 21:19

I'd book myself a nice expensive hotel and meet him the next day at the train station 😂

Onlyvisiting · 11/12/2024 21:19

Is this a DH or boyfriend? Do you have kids? If you have separate incomes and can afford it I'd just say OK, book a weekend away without him. Is there a friend or family member who would go with you?

ODFOx · 11/12/2024 21:29

I feel the same as him about hotels in York at the moment. Saturday nights are twice the price of Fridays because of the Christmas markets and it is absolutely ridiculous. However as a birthday present, in his shoes, I'd have booked a nicer hotel outside York on a db+b deal and then gone in to the city for the next day.
TLDR. He's not wrong about the mad pricing. He's a thoughtless arse over your birthday present. He should have said that you could have a lovely weekend somewhere in January, a fortnight after your birthday instead of the weekend before.

Left · 11/12/2024 21:57

Aw OP that’s rubbish of him! He’s deliberately scuppered your plan for a night away by lying.

How is he normally, is this a one off that’s a bit thoughtless, or a pattern of behaviour?

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 11/12/2024 22:23

The hotel prices in York are hideous without Christmas coming into the mix. Have you seen how much they cost?!

honeysucklebelladonna · 11/12/2024 22:50

Your birthday is once a year, he should make an effort if it within his budget, if it’s something he really can’t afford then that’s a different matter. If he can afford it but doesn’t want to spend the money on you then he’s tight and doesn’t really give a shit what you want. If he can’t afford a night away then there not much you can do but either way lying makes him an arsehole and I wouldn’t put up with it.

We came back from holiday a few days ago, my birthday is in a week, DH has booked a show, dinner, a night away and an activity I really want to do the following day. He makes a huge effort for my birthday, this time of year everything is about Christmas so he wants to make sure my birthday isn’t an afterthought.

AnonAnonmystery · 11/12/2024 22:57

What an awful combination of deceit and tightness rolled into one.

AnonAnonmystery · 11/12/2024 23:01

My ex H would make a point of not only not doing anything for me but also ruining anything others did for me or kicking off. One birthday my meal was cheese on toast at 10.30 pm after coming home, collecting kids then ex kicking off. Never brought me a birthday cake once in 17 years together.
I am now with someone lovely .., on my first birthday with him he brought me my favorite cake ( hard to source post lockdown) and took me to overnight spa retreat, I haven’t looked back but had 17 awful birthdays with ex.

P0larBearT0ys · 11/12/2024 23:06

I recommend looking at
Extreme Day Trips on Facebook

Book yourself a trip, with 1 or 2 nights away

Imisschocolate17 · 11/12/2024 23:13

Sorry OP but I don't think this is entirely on your DP.

You are coming across (to me at least) as grabby and demanding and stomping your feet when you don't get what you want. In that sense I don't particularly blame your DP in trying to manage your expectations. Those saying he has deceived you and is tight is a bit full on. You've asked for something, he doesn't want to give it, we can't all have what we ask for just because we want it otherwise every kid would have the full Smyths catalog and Apple store under the Christmas tree.

He told you with notice that he was planning a day in York and not staying over, you knew that was the plan and that is what you are getting.

If you wanted a night away then you needed to book and pay for it for yourself when it was clear he didn't want to do that. Why expect that of him, do you let people dictate to you what you get them and do for their birthdays?

From your update you have clearly had other trips away and holiday very recently, another one so soon is a lot, even if it is something you want. No mention of finances and if this is something he can actually afford anyway. It sounds more like he is trying to reign in excessive behaviour to me.

Dawncleo62 · 11/12/2024 23:48

Book somewhere for yourself & tell him & go!

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 11/12/2024 23:51

Imisschocolate17 · 11/12/2024 23:13

Sorry OP but I don't think this is entirely on your DP.

You are coming across (to me at least) as grabby and demanding and stomping your feet when you don't get what you want. In that sense I don't particularly blame your DP in trying to manage your expectations. Those saying he has deceived you and is tight is a bit full on. You've asked for something, he doesn't want to give it, we can't all have what we ask for just because we want it otherwise every kid would have the full Smyths catalog and Apple store under the Christmas tree.

He told you with notice that he was planning a day in York and not staying over, you knew that was the plan and that is what you are getting.

If you wanted a night away then you needed to book and pay for it for yourself when it was clear he didn't want to do that. Why expect that of him, do you let people dictate to you what you get them and do for their birthdays?

From your update you have clearly had other trips away and holiday very recently, another one so soon is a lot, even if it is something you want. No mention of finances and if this is something he can actually afford anyway. It sounds more like he is trying to reign in excessive behaviour to me.

Wow! Grabby and demanding for wanting her partner to celebrate her birthday the way she would like it to be celebrated - after having enjoyed his birthday beautifully organised by her? And he lied to her - what a prince he is, and what a weird post from @Imisschocolate17

Est1990 · 12/12/2024 05:10

'Said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay'.

You literally said okay to the plan of not staying over?

I'm on the fence on this one. He should have been more clear about his plan BUT

  • you agreed with him when he said he planned something but not staying over;
  • you guys just arrived from Tenerife;
  • following week already have a night away again;

Did he request a night in a hotel for his birthday or was it your idea?
Ultimately, finances are important too. Who is paying for all these holidays and nights away, and can you afford them comfortably? Is it only you and that's why you feeling he is being tight?
From an outsider perspective there isn't enough information but can't really say you don't do anything together as a couple

Candy24 · 12/12/2024 05:40

ohohohho · 11/12/2024 16:41

It's my Birthday on Christmas Day.
I was hoping to have a night away this weekend and maybe a nice meal.
I did this for my partner last month on his birthday.
At first he said the hotels are a waste of money on a Saturday night (only night we could stay over ) and he would look into it.
After a week I asked if he found anything he said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay.
Today he has told me (after me asking for hints ) that there's no surprise and he just said that to stop me booking a hotel somewhere that was overpriced.
He said by telling me about a surprise it stopped me rushing ahead booking stuff.
He has paid for the train on Sunday (he knows we can't stay over as we both have work Monday )
Would you be annoyed ?

Id be really hurt and upset.

PuddlesPityParty · 12/12/2024 05:50

TheignT · 11/12/2024 17:21

I'd be annoyed about it being Sunday. Trains seem really unreliable on Sundays, maybe he's banking on that and getting the train fare back. There's tight and then there's...........your partner.

Trains are unreliable full stop to be fair 😥

PuddlesPityParty · 12/12/2024 05:51

Est1990 · 12/12/2024 05:10

'Said no but had booked me a surprise in York and we were going but not staying over.
I said okay'.

You literally said okay to the plan of not staying over?

I'm on the fence on this one. He should have been more clear about his plan BUT

  • you agreed with him when he said he planned something but not staying over;
  • you guys just arrived from Tenerife;
  • following week already have a night away again;

Did he request a night in a hotel for his birthday or was it your idea?
Ultimately, finances are important too. Who is paying for all these holidays and nights away, and can you afford them comfortably? Is it only you and that's why you feeling he is being tight?
From an outsider perspective there isn't enough information but can't really say you don't do anything together as a couple

I agree with this. I also know a lot of hotels in York have put their prices up because of Christmas.

borntoblossom · 12/12/2024 05:58

Imisschocolate17 · 11/12/2024 23:13

Sorry OP but I don't think this is entirely on your DP.

You are coming across (to me at least) as grabby and demanding and stomping your feet when you don't get what you want. In that sense I don't particularly blame your DP in trying to manage your expectations. Those saying he has deceived you and is tight is a bit full on. You've asked for something, he doesn't want to give it, we can't all have what we ask for just because we want it otherwise every kid would have the full Smyths catalog and Apple store under the Christmas tree.

He told you with notice that he was planning a day in York and not staying over, you knew that was the plan and that is what you are getting.

If you wanted a night away then you needed to book and pay for it for yourself when it was clear he didn't want to do that. Why expect that of him, do you let people dictate to you what you get them and do for their birthdays?

From your update you have clearly had other trips away and holiday very recently, another one so soon is a lot, even if it is something you want. No mention of finances and if this is something he can actually afford anyway. It sounds more like he is trying to reign in excessive behaviour to me.

Agree. I also don't understand why it needs to be before Christmas when for obvious reasons you don't get your own celebration on your actual birthday - surely after Christmas is also an option?

Though maybe OP enjoys the hustle and bustle of that time of year, I would find it an absolute nightmare, though I prefer things quiet. No way would I be paying double for that. Also if you've been away lots already recently, and it's a busy time of year with lots to do, I would want to wait.

The lying is terrible though, surely an honest adult conversation could sort this out?

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