Does a day off mean sex?

[MarvinTheMarshall]

DH had a day off work yesterday to do some Christmas shopping then present wrapping whilst DCs are at school.
DH suggested a “quickie” when we get home from shopping. I didn’t want to. He was quite grumpy then.
I have no sex drive since having DCs. We do it about once every fortnight in bed on a morning. He doesn’t ask for more. It just saddens me this day off I looked forward to became about that and now ended on a bit of a low note.
Does an empty house (kids out) mean sex in your world?

I was writing out potential possibiliies - the original post is pretty short, so there are possibilities for disappointment vs coercion depending on what 'grumpy' meant. You might be right, maybe he was just disappointed for a few minutes. But I don't think there's anything wrong at all with alerting the poster to the possibility of behaviour being coercive if it went further than that.

The OP has stated he was just a bit quiet after she rebuffed him, and that he wasn’t being nasty, abusive grumpy. Please at least read all the OP’s posts before jumping to conclusions about abuse or coercion.

It sounds like you might be a bit imbalanced hormonally, which is pretty standard after kids. How old are they?
I'm currently feeling in a low libido stage due to breastfeeding and as much as I'm not often in the mood I know when I'm doing it I enjoy it and feel better after, and am so glad I have done it because I feel closer to my DH and less stressed etc. It's just the getting to it stage my DH instigates and is completely aware of how I'm feeling. Do you feel the same after you've had sex?

I wish it did here. Dh is on a mixture of sertraline and Statins and so is rarely in the mood. Miss it.

If you are rarely in the mood and not interested in sex, then you need to be honest with your husband about that. Having a set schedule once in 15 days is not romantic and it is possible that your husband does feel rejected. I know I would. At the same time, you shouldn't be having sex as a chore. You both seem too young to resign to a dull, sexless life. This could become problematic in the future. Might be good to go for relationship counselling to uncover the issues and see what that means for your relationship.

Christ I feel for your male parter if you have one.

Do you know how soul destroying it is to be rejected constantly, to your spouse? He's more than justified really.

No, being in a stop shouldn't be a way to gain authority and take OPs autonomy. But she owes him, herself and their marriage to get it sorted or go to the GP, or have a conversation and end the marriage if they cannot be compatible.

The OP has given no signs that her husband is foul and disgusting, whatsoever. It's just yet another man hating womanz

100% this for me.

You might need bloods done.
If it's just a case of no interest fair enough but it's best to ensure there's no other reason.

I am almost never in the mood for sex and could happily go without. But I think it's important so crack on to DH and accept his advances. I always enjoy it when I get going and think it's worth "forcing" yourself to start.

I'm sorry for your situation OP, for you and your husband. Unless you're about 60 or over, have other health issues or injuries, I don't get how you're not more motivated to change this, but it doesn't sound like you've ever been much of a sexual person in the first place.

You feel for my male partner because I don't feel women should be emotionally blackmailed into having sex when they don't want to? I feel for everyone in your life.

"He's more than justified really. No, being in a stop shouldn't be a way to gain authority and take OPs autonomy."

Make up your mind. Either she is allowed body autonomy or not.

Hello all

In my many months of lurking on MN this thread is without doubt the most sense I've seen talked on the subject of a low sex marriage. Reading through it has been a tonic. Sincere thanks to all

He's "emotionally blackmailing" her into having sex by being disappointed and a bit grumpy about being rejected yet again?
The OP has already said he doesn't press it once she says no. She gives him pity sex every 2 weeks or so. What's he supposed to do? Smile politely and say "ok honey, I'll just roll over and have a wank instead"? Masturbating while thinking of the relationship you wish you still had is a very lonely place to be.
I was in that place when my DP was made redundant from work during the financial crisis in 2008/9. He couldn't find work and ended up very depressed, on medication and completely disinterested in any sort of intimacy, it was heartbreaking. He saw himself as a complete failure who didn't deserve my love as he could no longer provide in the way that he had.
So we've seen both sides of the same coin in different ways at different times.

Op, I've been in a similar situation for about the last 12 years since we had our son. I'd happily not have sex again, but I know that would probably mean the end of my marriage to my wonderful DP.
He tries it on, I knock him back because I don't want/feel like it and, like your DP, he's disappointed and maybe a bit grumpy once it happens 3 or 4 time, but he doesn't press the issue. But, now and then, maybe once a week or every other week I make an effort to be who I used to be and make him happy. I actually really enjoy it too and still don't understand why the hell I don't want to do it 3 or 4 times a week!
Yes, no-one should be forced to have sex that they don't want, but once you enter a monogamous relationship with another person you should care enough about their feelings and needs to at least make an effort to get to the root cause of the problem and try to fix it. If you can't be arsed to do that, then there's only separation or "extra marital liaisons" of one sort or another left.

Why should you? I wouldn't.

I'd say I'm similar in the sense I don't mind going without sex these days because I'm tired/peri menopausal but I do love the affection/cuddling and low level intimacy. It wasn't like this early on but life gets busy/tiring and it's easier not to. When we do have sex, it's amazing though.

Whilst my DP wouldn't leave me, he'd be miserable if we didn't have sex and would be worrying whether this had longevity.

My DPs previous LT relationship ended because she became a bit like this, they then had got into a friendship zone where he was ok with the lack of sex, and I suspect she then cheated. So I think he's paranoid about that happening again so wants to have sex whenever we are together as much as possible (once a week). I do this because I fancy him but mainly because it's important to him.

it would mean sex for me. I think it is sad you have lost your joy for that area of your life. Also I feel sad for your DH once a fortnight would be upsetting for me. Maybe try and spice things up a bit.

I honestly feel sorry for you that your joy in that area isn't there. It must be hard.

Yes a day off together with no kids around for us means sex because we both enjoy it. It's sad that you don't, and it's difficult because sex is usually part of a healthy relationship and if you don't want to have it you're either going to make your husband sad or have to have sex you don't want. Are you perimenopause age? Have you considered you may have a hormonal imbalance?

There's no 'should' but she chooses to in order to make her husband happy. Don't you think it's a problem in a relationship when one partner decides there will be no more sex? Nobody should feel obliged to have sex they don't want but no sex often leads to the end of the relationship.

Umm no it's not! None of this is universally true!

Oh I feel really sorry for you. Honestly nothing more intimate and raw than a quickie sometimes.

I often have 1:1 sex on a day off, sometimes twice, but rarely on a work day.

But penetration without foreplay? Seriously? There is no passion or sharing in that. Likewise, l could not handle someone sulking because l’m not in the mood, that would put me off more.

Hold the phone - husband wants sex with his wife when he has a day off work! I’d be more surprised if he didn’t!

It’s not always the man’s fault you know. Classic MN.