Does a day off mean sex?

[MarvinTheMarshall]

DH had a day off work yesterday to do some Christmas shopping then present wrapping whilst DCs are at school.
DH suggested a “quickie” when we get home from shopping. I didn’t want to. He was quite grumpy then.
I have no sex drive since having DCs. We do it about once every fortnight in bed on a morning. He doesn’t ask for more. It just saddens me this day off I looked forward to became about that and now ended on a bit of a low note.
Does an empty house (kids out) mean sex in your world?

She probably loved sex when she felt loved, before children, domestic drudgery, being treated like a household appliance and only being shown affection when he wants sex. You could say that he trapped her!
See, we can all make wild assumptions.

Well yeah but only if we’re both up for it.

It's nice to be able to take advantage of situations like this when they arise, especially when getting time on your own, in your own house, is difficult as children get older and don't go to bed/sleep early any more.
I always have romantic ideas about DW & myself taking advantage of a lunchtime rendezvous when I am working at home, but she would never even think about it & would rather wash the floor!
It's good that your partner mentioned it but if you don't fancy it, then ultimately that's your choice.

Just want to say you are not alone OP. I lost any libido after my first baby 3 years ago. I don't think about it, it doesn't build up over time and I'd be happy never doing it again. I want to want it but will wait until I stop breastfeeding my second child to see if it changes. But yeah, right now my ideal romance would be PG13 hand holding, kisses and cuddles only however like you, I do still do it.

This!

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Nobody "trapped" anyone - life, children, work, hormones, one person picking up too much slack... all those things lead to fluctuations in sex drive.

We often make the most of a school day off together and have a “nice morning” post school run! But, we’re on the same page about it- and if either of us doesn’t feel like it then it’s forgotten about, certainly no one is taking the huff! That’s completely unfair on you.

No one should feel pressured or cajoled into having sex they don't want. BUT your husband needs to be aware you really don't enjoy nor want it then he can make a decision about wether he is happy with the situation. Sex is a big part of most marriages and relationships, if my DH or me decided we didnt want or like it anymore i think it would be game over, your DH deserves that choice

OP trapped a man simple. Certain women lie and pretend they like sex long enough to trap a man.

Take his choices away from him and then complain when he cheats or leaves .

@Imbusytodaysorry
Wtf??

This is the most ridiculous argument I've seen about a woman who doesn't want sex since her children were born!

What an ignorant and I thing misogynistic pile of crap.

Women go off sex after DC all the time. You think that's trapping someone?
Have you read a biology book?

Yes, a day off means sex.
All the people that have a day off must have sex, everybody knows that.

If I've got an empty house I'm up them stairs faster than a rat up a drainpipe

Sec?

Does for us if we find ourselves home alone in the day then it's pretty much top item on the list.

I agree! An empty house and no little ears flapping is a definite turn on for me!

I can see OP's POV - I fancy my husband to bits but I still want it less than him, we aren't always on tbe same page. And I lost my libido for a good 18 months after last DC arrived. It did return slowly though!

Yeah couple of hours of lazy sex and chilling of course!

Relax and enjoy it , have you read half the threads on here about lack of sex, it's good for the mind and you'll sleep well tonight ha

Have you ever liked or wanted sex ?

I used to have some degree of sex drive yes, because I remember that sex was more frequent and I enjoyed masturbating. Now I don’t masterbate. Urge has gone. My DH can get me off, which is nice of course. And I don’t mind the feeling of penetration. But I can do without the foreplay.

Im waiting to read what her answers are tbh.

Maybe she didn’t but for sure it’s not a husband problem. .

If you want to save your relationship then yes have sex

Waiting for OP to tell us all about how her dh is bad and neglectful

OP I suggest you go and see your GP. To put it bluntly, you don't want to be back on here down the line upset because your husband has cheated/left you

Could you try downloading some erotica onto your kindle/other reading app? I found it kick-started my sex drive when it vanished after having DC2.

I think you need to figure out why you're no longer wanting sex. You have changed no him. I can understand why he is sad. What I don't think is right is that you should pretend either. Surely you enjoyed sex before kids? X

You do need to figure out why your libido has vanished and whether there is something to do to right things. Constant sexual rejection is one of the biggest resentment builders in a marriage, and incredibly hurtful to the one being rejected.
No one should be having sex they don't want. That said, it sometimes needs a change of mindset, a conscious decision to do it, even if you start out indifferent. And the more often you do it, the more often you are likely to want it.

You don't say how old you are, so is it the post baby 'touched out' years have merged into the early perimenopause years? Are you shouldering the lion's share of the household and a full time job, so just tired and can't be bothered?

There are so many resources out there that can help you get your sex life back on track. First thing being a frank conversation with your husband.

I mean it can be sex, but also only if you want to???
At risk of overstepping, I will say that being 'grumpy' once your partner has said no to sex does technically count as sexual coercion. This doesn't neccessarily mean that your partner is sexually abusive, but it would be something to bring up with him as an issue.

Being grumpy after someone has said 'no' is a form of emotional manipulation, putting pressure on you to have sex with him next time he asks, as otherwise the implication is he'll submit you to the 'grumpy' treatment again. This isn't consent. Consent to sex is freely given, not given under any kind of pressure, which includes emotional pressure.

Probably best to have a conversation with him about, and tell him that pressurising you to have sex isn't cool.