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Original poster

Husband paying his siblings utility bills and council tax

113 replies

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 21:08

My husband has been paying the utility bills and council tax of his family home ( 7 bedroom house) which him and his two siblings inherited equally 10 years ago. The property is mortgage free and his two siblings (aged 60 and 50) have been living there for many years. My husband and I live in a 2 bed flat nearby with our 7 year old. My husband has been suffering from severe depression for the past 10 months and hasn’t been able to work due to which we are struggling financially. His siblings want him to continue paying the bills of their family home and he continues to do so. I don’t understand why my husband can’t say no to his siblings. Both of his siblings also have a huge hoarding issue and never want to sell their family home. I am beginning to resent my husband over this matter as I don’t have a clue why he doesn’t want to put a stop to paying their bills now that we are in huge financial difficulty ourselves. His siblings say it’s his responsibility to pay the bills no matter what. Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Doggymummar · 10/12/2024 21:10

Is he the eldest? Is it cultural? We pay sils bills, but only because we can afford it and she can't.

StMarie4me · 10/12/2024 21:10

It's not his responsibility. At all. It's a ridiculous situation!

BilboBlaggin · 10/12/2024 21:12

Well how's he going to continue paying if he has no work and no money?

He should be demanding the siblings either buy him out of his share or else they sell up.

RandomMess · 10/12/2024 21:14

Time to get legal advice and force sale or them to buy him out.

This could end your marriage tbh.

Coconutter24 · 10/12/2024 21:29

If he isn’t working where is he getting money from to pay for everyone?

HoundsOfSmell · 10/12/2024 21:36

DH needs antidepressants and therapy to really chat about these things.

You could tell them that payments will now stop as you don’t have the cash. Then move the bills over to his siblings

StrawberryWater · 10/12/2024 21:41

They need to sell the house if they can't afford it.

Your dh needs to go to the GP.

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 21:52

Coconutter24 · 10/12/2024 21:29

If he isn’t working where is he getting money from to pay for everyone?

He had savings which kept everything going up until now but the money is running out and his depression is not getting any better. I work as well. All the bills of his family home are under his name only. We have been married for 8 years. I never knew that he was paying his family home bills until after we got married. He was earning good money so I never stopped him but I don’t know what to do now as he is not in a fit state to make any decisions due to his depression. What hurts is that his siblings are blaming me for his depression. I never burdened him financially as I am independent and earning my own money. I feel trapped.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 21:55

HoundsOfSmell · 10/12/2024 21:36

DH needs antidepressants and therapy to really chat about these things.

You could tell them that payments will now stop as you don’t have the cash. Then move the bills over to his siblings

He has been on antidepressants for the last 10 months and has had some therapy but nothing is helping. He knows himself what he is doing is not right but afraid to take any step as his siblings are very dominating.

OP posts:

kiwiane · 10/12/2024 22:02

i would separate and ensure your income isn’t given away to this awful family. Please pay for legal advice and take steps to protect your funds. You can’t fix him and no one cares for your position.

heartbroken22 · 10/12/2024 22:13

Tell them he's not well and can't. Doctor said not to pressure him otherwise depression can lead to suicide. Do they not care? Do they get benefits if they don't work? Can they not pay with that?

Tell them what they're doing is financial abuse and if the police were to find out they'd go to jail.

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 22:18

StrawberryWater · 10/12/2024 21:41

They need to sell the house if they can't afford it.

Your dh needs to go to the GP.

his siblings also have a big hoarding issue. All of the 7 bedrooms are full of clutter. They don’t want to acknowledge this issue either. DH says it’s impossible to sell the house as no one will deal with the clutter and they are very attached to it. DH has seen GP and mental health crisis team but nothing is making any difference. He is on antidepressants.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 22:29

heartbroken22 · 10/12/2024 22:13

Tell them he's not well and can't. Doctor said not to pressure him otherwise depression can lead to suicide. Do they not care? Do they get benefits if they don't work? Can they not pay with that?

Tell them what they're doing is financial abuse and if the police were to find out they'd go to jail.

They both work but spend all their money on buying things for themselves and they also have hoarding issues. So they are constantly buying and filling up the house with things. They say they have no money for the bills etc. they get very aggressive if we try to talk about anything. Feel totally trapped 😢.

OP posts:

CharlotteStreetW1 · 10/12/2024 22:36

(Have you posted about this before?)

Would you be prepared to talk to the siblings - with your DH's agreement? Tell them the payments are stopping because you simply can't afford it. He's getting no benefit from this house. They should have bought him out.

What's the worst that would happen? They stop talking to him? Sounds like that would be a blessing.

Notsandwiches · 10/12/2024 22:39

So you could end up bankrupt or on the streets because H doesn't want to lose face by admitting he can't afford to pay siblings bills? Ridiculous.

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2024 22:47

I"'d explain to him that you will have no choice but to leave if this continues.

Go with him to the docs and get the meds reviewed

Tell him the family home has to be sold (I assume it does), give him a couple weeks to think about it, get a plan for yourself in the meantime, and if he doesn't see sense, move out. Your duty is to yourself and your child, so nothing else you can do. Get all you are entitled to financially, which probably means forcing a house sale, else his siblings will cripple him and you will be shouldering all childcare costs for ever

HereForTheAnimals · 10/12/2024 23:09

Surely the 2 siblings should be paying your DH a third of the potential rental price? Not him paying their council tax and utility bills. I'd be having words with my DH and I'd be getting a solicitor to either get them to sell up and split 3 ways, or buy my DH out of his inheritance. WTF?

unsync · 10/12/2024 23:33

Presumably his siblings pay your DH rent for his part of the family house they occupy?

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 10/12/2024 23:38

unsync · 10/12/2024 23:33

Presumably his siblings pay your DH rent for his part of the family house they occupy?

They never have and will never pay rent for his part of the family home.

OP posts:

coldcallerbaiter · 10/12/2024 23:44

If it is their home then only the siblings should pay the bills, so just stop paying. Tbh the house should be sold so you all get a share. Your own family needs this money.

caringcarer · 10/12/2024 23:59

Your DH can't pay what he doesn't have. It's that simple. Get the bills put into the names of the siblings who reside there. The stress and seeing his savings dwindle is likely making your DH depressed.

caringcarer · 11/12/2024 00:00

Your DH needs to force a sale on this home and take his third of the proceeds. The other 2 si linge could buy a smaller house and then it would need less heating.

Original poster

Sammie2006 · 11/12/2024 00:29

caringcarer · 11/12/2024 00:00

Your DH needs to force a sale on this home and take his third of the proceeds. The other 2 si linge could buy a smaller house and then it would need less heating.

DH is suffering himself and is making me and my child suffer but doesn’t want to force sale on his family home. The 7 bedroom property is full of stuff from top to bottom as his siblings are hoarders. DH thinks that a property full of clutter won’t sell even though it’s in a very expensive area. He also thinks he can’t force a sale as the other two siblings want to stay in the house but don’t want to buy him out either. It is a very horrible situation.

OP posts:

unsync · 11/12/2024 00:50

In which case he must stop paying. If he won't, you need to make a decision about your future.

At the moment, it would appear that his siblings are his priority, and that your and your child aren't. If he is unable to see or change that, you need to decide whether this is acceptable to you. If it is not, you will have to leave.

DoYouReally · 11/12/2024 01:05

He is due 1/3 of market rent as they are living there and he is foregoing rental.

The amount of this rental can then be used to offset any costs which a standard tenant would not be liable for.

Personally, I would force sale of the house of siblings are causing agro. If they weren't and I didn't need the money, I would probably let sit there.

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