Husband paying his siblings utility bills and council tax

[Sammie2006]

My husband has been paying the utility bills and council tax of his family home ( 7 bedroom house) which him and his two siblings inherited equally 10 years ago. The property is mortgage free and his two siblings (aged 60 and 50) have been living there for many years. My husband and I live in a 2 bed flat nearby with our 7 year old. My husband has been suffering from severe depression for the past 10 months and hasn’t been able to work due to which we are struggling financially. His siblings want him to continue paying the bills of their family home and he continues to do so. I don’t understand why my husband can’t say no to his siblings. Both of his siblings also have a huge hoarding issue and never want to sell their family home. I am beginning to resent my husband over this matter as I don’t have a clue why he doesn’t want to put a stop to paying their bills now that we are in huge financial difficulty ourselves. His siblings say it’s his responsibility to pay the bills no matter what. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Who is the executor?

Why hasn't probate been discharged?

What inheritance tax is due?

Your husband is a fool. I honestly couldn't stay with a man who allows his family to struggle so that he can continue to fund two grown adults. He's showing you that he doesn't prioritise his child. I genuinely would divorce him over this and I never, ever give out LTBs on here.

Oh and I can assure you, at the right price anything will sell. So they either move out their crap or it's sold with the house.

Dh will not be able to pay legal fees if he is broke.

Another idea is that dh moves in to the house with the siblings. He can the clear it and make life difficult for them. Force the sale that way.

He or OP can pay their own bills legal fees by taking out credit - he’ll get the money back when the house sells.

I have heard of 2 situations like this both UK people who had the family property abroad though. Not paying bills for the home but the siblings took over. In both cases the siblings managed to take the home for themselves by living there and eventually legally applying to exclude the UK sibling from their inheritance completely through possession rights.

Have you thought about divorcing his stupid ass?

I would give him an ultimatum tbh!

His meds are not working so he needs to go and change those, then he needs to find a backbone and stop being intimidated by his siblings!

Force the sale of the house. It’s very simple, not easy, but the answer is simple. Then they can buy somewhere together and fill it to their heart’s content.

They’d have to sell it then, because you’d be entitled to a share of it… I have tolerated a situation with my husband, it makes me very grumpy indeed, but there’s light at end of tunnel, it’s coming to an end. You’ll end up very resentful, force the issue.

I think rather than go in at your husband at annoyed way is to go in it at a supportive 'lets do this together' 'i will help you' way.

He sounds like he is in a very bad way mentally. The house is just another thing for him to deal with. Because it is just a case of selling the house its all the other stuff that goes with it. Dealing with his siblings, knowing they wont contribute etc They sound like they have mental health issues as well with regards ti the hoarding.

Then trying to sell is another stressful task.

He deep down knows you are right but obviously there are other factors/family issues to consider.

Why kick someone when they are clearly already diown?

Yes i think you will need to help take charge in this. Your husband sounds like he is at breaking point already and doesn't know where to start.

They both work but spend there money on other things - surely if the 3 of them inherited it and it has not been sold they should be paying him some sort of rent not him paying the bills for them to live there for free?

I would sit your husband down and speak to him as this is obviously a big factor in his MH. I would also suggest seeing a solicitor. Do you know what the will said when they were left the property? Was there something in there to say it was expected for them to remain in house? I can't say how they can say it's his responsibility to pay the bills? They get a mortgage free house with no bills, your DH get no mortgage free house, pays the bills, and is in financial difficulty.

Or tell them to move into your 2 bed flat as its your DH's turn to live in the big 7 bed house and they can pay the bills

And for those saying to divorce this man, grow up, seems to be a large proportion of MN that this is their first response to anything and everything, so take no notice

I think I there’s a cultural factor in all this which OP isn’t telling us.

I’d be fuming!

Honestly, give him an ultimatum. He either puts you and his kids first, or you'll leave. This won't change otherwise.

He is very vulnerable and trapped.

He would be better handing the house over to his siblings and cutting all ties. Even with litigation it would take years to force a sale.

This is harsh but he is facing a very serious mental health spiral.

Help him cut ties.

Can you ask for a separation, he moves in to the big house with siblings and up to him if pays the bills there. This means you continue to have responsibility for the flat but without having to subsidise his choices? You would get the single person council tax discount which would help you out financially. He can then pay some (probably small) maintenance for your child. This may serve to focus his mind on what is important.

I have been supportive and have tried to help as much as possible but these decisions have to be made by him and he is not in a good way. He thinks it’s too late for everything and his siblings are too stubborn to deal with but he then feels sorry for them at the same time which I don’t understand at all. His siblings emotionally blackmail him that he should have done more for them in the past as he had a really good career. Prior to our marriage they talked DH into extending their family home and DH spent huge amounts of money doing that. After the extension they took over all of the extended space and filled it with their stuff. Both siblings are very well educated so I don’t understand why they act like this. I sometimes feel they are mentally ill as well but they are in denial.

They are effectively financially abusing you, your husband and your child. Who gives a shit if they’re mentally ill?

I’ve been there with the leeching siblings thing. The only language they understand is the lure of money and laziness. It may sound brutal, but if you want this to end you have to hit them where it hurts - money.

See a solicitor.

Now that you have identified the issue, is there anything you intend to do about it? Talking to your dh isn’t going to help by the sound of it as he’s too ill.

How much is the property worth?

All I see here is a long drawn out expensive legal battle where the only winners are the lawyers.

Stop paying the bills today. Tell the siblings firmly he can no longer afford to pay their bills. The liability for council tax & utilities would fall to the tenants. Get him name off the bills. If the siblings don't take them over cancel the direct debits and tell the company you are no longer liable.

Tell the siblings you don't expect any rent for your share, but will have your 1/3 when the property is sold.

Brief. Factual. And time for them to stop taking the piss.

Siblings are mentally ill and hoarding is a mental health disorder and really an impossible one to manage (in my family also). It’s likely DH poor mental health is a genetic tendency also.

You have good advice here re: taking name of bills and forcing sale. Maybe you could also try mediation/dispute resolution? But I think you need to follow the correct legal channels now for dh sake (and you and dc).

All of them live together.

Personally I'd sign my share of the house over, it's a millstone as someone else pointed out.

Wow, his siblings are really special.
Trying to get his value out of the house - not quick or easy, would need protracted court proceedings.
But stopping paying the utility bills - is easy. As PP has suggested, contact utility companies and council, tell them he's not resident, tell them who is living there, stop the payments. The whole thing could be done in just a few minutes.
Sounds like the siblings will never agree to it - so they need to be given no choice. If the payments are coming from a joint account with you, you could just stop them now. Otherwise it does need your husband to do it - and quickly, before you get into serious financial problems.