Husband paying his siblings utility bills and council tax

[Sammie2006]

My husband has been paying the utility bills and council tax of his family home ( 7 bedroom house) which him and his two siblings inherited equally 10 years ago. The property is mortgage free and his two siblings (aged 60 and 50) have been living there for many years. My husband and I live in a 2 bed flat nearby with our 7 year old. My husband has been suffering from severe depression for the past 10 months and hasn’t been able to work due to which we are struggling financially. His siblings want him to continue paying the bills of their family home and he continues to do so. I don’t understand why my husband can’t say no to his siblings. Both of his siblings also have a huge hoarding issue and never want to sell their family home. I am beginning to resent my husband over this matter as I don’t have a clue why he doesn’t want to put a stop to paying their bills now that we are in huge financial difficulty ourselves. His siblings say it’s his responsibility to pay the bills no matter what. Any advice would be appreciated.

When his savings have ran out what does he plan to do? He can’t pay with fresh air so will have to stop. His siblings sound awful and if they can raffled the bills because they spend money on more stuff to hoard then they need to learn to pay bills first and then waste what money they have left. Your DH needs to stand up to them

OP your husband would be able to force the sale and probably get the court to state that the house must be cleared back to basics if the stuff in it affecting the value. He would need to shell out for legal fees and it could be expensive if they drag it out, but just starting the process may give them to kick up the arse they need.
If yoi were to divorce him make sure the courts take his share of this equity into account as part of the financial settlement,

I think you’ll have to wait for your husbands money to run out.

you might want to consider you’re own property too without him.

Of course the property will sell at the right price, and also of course they won't get top dollar for it if the condition is poor and it's hoarded. There is also auction as an option.

It’s nuts your dh - and you - have let this slide for so long. The house will sell. Just at a reduced price. Your dh is unwell. Can you take care of the finances and take over? Or alternatively leave? A divorce would force a sale.

I think the time for a softly softly approach has long past.

Tell him you will leave him unless he sees a solicitor and forces a sale. You need to do this TODAY for the sake of your child because she’s the most important person in all this. Maybe the leeching siblings will pay their own bills once they’ve read the solicitor’s letter. If not then you get a ton of money, after all fees have been paid. The house is in a desirable area so will sell sooner than you may think.

You can’t reason with unreasonable people. It’s outrageous they are taking such advantage of your family. Rent free and bills paid. Of course they don’t want change!
Start the conversation with them by stating you can’t afford it any more. You’re happy to accept the loss of rent and the bill contributions over the years but they now need to buy him out or sell.

I'm not surprised his siblings want to stay in the house. But that's not the issue.

How did he get in this mess? I know it predates your marriage but it's quite alarming and I'd imagine is contributing significantly to his depression.

Whoever left the house to them (the surviving parent?) didn't make a very good job of writing their will because your DH has effectively been diddled out of his inheritance here. It's no good thinking he'll get it later - the sibling is only 50! The house should have been sold once probate was granted and the monies split according to the will. I realise it's difficult when adult children live there, but that's essentially their problem unless they have significant special needs and it doesn't seem that is the case.

Could you break this into 2 steps? Step 1 is move all bills into the names of the people living there. Then step 2 is not oay them. Then if DH could just do step 1 right now that's a good start.

I always find it difficult to understand how these situations came about. The three siblings inherit a house, two fully competent working adults decide they want to live there. How did DH end up paying the bills for a property he doesn’t live in while they live there mortgage free? They should have bought/be buying him out by paying him some ‘rent’ for his share, or they should sell up and each buy something more sensibly sized - it would have given each of them a decent chunk of a smaller property of their own.
Why is this inheritance which should have been a huge asset to him and a leg up for your family become a millstone? Why is he obligated to support working siblings?

Honestly the siblings are not the core problem. They are taking advantage of DH but only because he lets them. He needs to take some action and if at the moment he’s feeling too ill and demoralised, his best option might be to hand the situation to some kind of agent. The cleanest way out of this could be to force a sale of the house, divide the money between the 3 of them and let them buy a small property they can afford to maintain. But DH needs advice and possibly someone to act for him if the siblings kick off.

You need legal advice on this, with your DH, to settle the house situation as soon as possible.

Anything else will probably lead to the end of your marriage. You should also see his GP regarding his ongoing depression.

There is one other option which on the face of it might sound really stupid.

He signs his third over to them. He drops the millstone. It’s been decades, he’s had no benefit from his inheritance and has probably been costing him £500?? Ish per month for decades. He then has zero responsibility for it at all. Ultimately if they are child free, which it sounds like it might be the case it will come back to him eventually anyway.

My advice would be for you to move into the family home too and give up your apartment. Then at least he is getting some of the benefit of paying the utilities and council tax.
The 50 and 60 yr old siblings are having a laugh here, even if there is some sort of bizarre cultural arrangement that your DH feels he must do this. Unless there is a weapon held to your DH's body somewhere, there is NO reason under the sun why he must pay this. He might want to or feel he needs to but by paying for their utilities and their council tax, he is making himself ill and he is also taking money away from your child and gifting it to two grown adults. It simply must stop for those two reasons alone.

If the 50 & 60 yr old refuse to take on the bills, then your husband just stops and the house will have to be sold. Then each take a 3rd of the return of the sale (I'd even go so far as to say that your DH should get a bit more as he's been covering their bills for so long) but that is what I feel should happen here.

Therapy sounds like a good start but this is a complex, enmeshed family, so it's not likely to be quick. I feel for your husband, it sounds very tough for him.

You keep saying he can't sell as they won't sell, have you or he sought legal advice for this? Unfortunately that could be an expensive option, but if they are difficult having an intermediary deal with them could also be a benefit. At least it might help clarify what he can and can't insist on. He might then be able to put the options across.

Hoarding is also difficult to intervene with. Unfortunately, forceful interventions and pressure tend to increase anxiety which actively results innmore resistant behaviour. If they're already hostile to you, it's likely they already feel that anxiety, which makes it hard to get on the same page (the legal advice route is likely to result in more anxiety). If there is someone who has a better relationship with them (another family member or friend, perhaps?) they could start looking at resources to help people who hoard. Mind has some advice.

No wonder he is depressed in that situation. He needs to seek legal advice on his options re the house and then ACT. Counselling might also help him address why he feels he has to support his siblings as well as his own family unit and empower him and give him the tools to make the necessary changes to lighten his load of responsibility.

If DH won't change can he move back in with his siblings? And pay for your bills still instead?

Is the money for the bills now coming out of your earnings? If I were you I would want to move into the property (it does sound as if they would be plenty of room) and let your flat out.

So where are the siblings going to live? They're living the lives of Riley, they won't go willingly.

@Sammie2006 ao they could afford the bills if they prioritised their budgeting instead of buying crap. He needs to take his name of the utilities ans force them to at least pay the bills first.

id be dragging him to counselling to see that it’s not just him being impacted by this.

Sort out the bills. Take that first step.

next year review the will and see what was meant to happen and get some legal advice.

What a difficult situation. I imagine the bills on a 7 bed house are a lot.

If it's in an expensive area I would think it will sell regardless. Just for less than market rate.

I know you have a lot on your plate but can you take over comms with the siblings?

And definitely seek legal advice. ASAP.

Your DH can simply contact the bill companies and say he is no longer responsible for the bills at the property. I was in a similar situation with my parents house after they died - I had been paying their utilities for around 10 years. My waste of space brother lived there, and continued to live there after they died, but I was not prepared to pay the bills. I simply contacted all the companies and said I was no longer the bill payer, gave his name as the house occupant and cancelled all Direct Debits.

If he's paying the bills, move back in.

Take over 3 bedrooms, hire a large skip and start throwing. Only way.

One of you needs to be responsible and change things and this sounds like it lands on you.
They are already blaming you for his depression, so surely it doesn't matter what else they say?

Would your husband be prepared to give you PoA so you can sort it out?

You need to find your inner warrior OP and support your husband through this.

As the account holder, get your DH online with the utility companies and advise that DH is not living at the property and wishes to end his contracts. Don't deal direct with siblings if they're aggressive. See a solicitor instead and have them write a letter to the siblings advising that DH will no longer be paying the bills and that they must either buy his share of the property or sell up. Who was executor in the will that left this property? They've not done their job if they haven't ensured the assets were split according to the terms of the will.

Above all, it's not what the siblings 'want', it's what is legally right in the circumstances. They're being aggressive as they know you and Your DH will back down.