Upsetting encounter with friends husband

[UmbrellaEllaEllaElla]

Went out on the weekend with a big group of friends to celebrate a birthday.

Friend was there with her husband, they've been together 10 years plus and have kids.

Her husband touched my bum, hand around my waist, curled his finger through my hair. Then he leaned in and said 'you're so cute, so gorgeous.'

I've found myself so upset by this. Only earlier in the night she was talking about how happy they were and how wonderful he is.

I dont know whether to say anything. He only did this when she wasn't around. I've been invited to see them before Christmas and not sure it's a good idea.

Should I say something or leave well alone?

Leave well alone.
Don't pop round at Christmas.
Make some excuses for a while.
Your friend might get the hint that something's off.
That's okay.
You won't have been the first and you won't be the last if he's got an attitude like that.

Its so upsetting.

My friend is so brilliant and this just makes me so angry.

I would definitely say something - to him!!

Along the lines of 'keep your fingers off me you lecherous creep otherwise I will tell your wife that you are groping me'.

I would break his bloody finger

How did you respond?

The person you to be saying stuff to us him. He doesn’t get to grope you.

The obvious question is what did you say to him when he sexually assaulted you?

The person to address it with is him. Like ‘I’ll break all your fingers if you don’t get your hand off my ass’.

This is terrible, sorry this happened to you OP. Personally I feel his wife deserves to know, but whether she believes it or not is another matter. Definitely keep distance from him, and just meet your friend individually.

He's counting on you saying nothing as he knows you won't want to upset your friend. That's how creeps get away with this stuff over and over again.

You must have been totally shocked and disgusted. Similar happened to me once, it was an older colleague’s husband at a Christmas do. I just froze, pretended it didn’t happen and then avoided him for the rest of the night. I have to say I was too embarrassed to bring it up with colleague or anyone else and luckily I left the job not long after.

Since this is a friend, I would be more inclined to speak to him or her about it depending what you feel more comfortable with - of course it will be very uncomfortable and awkward no matter what.

Tell her.
She needs to know he's a creep.

Well yes that's exactly it. I dont want to say anything because I don't want to upset her. My gut Instinct is to avoid for a while. And no I didn't say anything at the time, I just moved away.

At the same time she's my friend and I don't want her to be one of those people that thinks she's got a 'Not my Nige' when he is a total sleeze.

How is this obvious? OP may have been in shock. Sometimes when something shocking like this happens it's v upsetting and one can be at a loss for words. Totally victims blaming.

It’s so difficult as it could affect your relationship. I’m not sure what I’d do. It’s bad either way. Sorry 😔

Say nothing. Everybody shoots the messenger.

Avoid avoid avoid, and only see her without her husband. If she asks you say he makes you feel uncomfortable and you find his behaviour inappropriate.

This sort of thing happened to me once too, and it really makes you feel awful knowing that your close friend is married to such a bastard. The options are limited though, because if you remonstrate with him and say you'll tell your friend if he ever does anything like that again, he is most likely to get in first and tell her that you've been making eyes at him and he's had to rebuff your advances.

Won't end well I imagine.
I would avoid him and if for any reason you can't and he touches you again say loudly "get your hand off my arse you creep"
You may still get the blame as it was "only a bit of fun"

I can understand you being too shocked at the time to do anything. I'd tell her exactly what he did but be prepared to lose a friend over it. But at least she will know, what she chooses to do with the information is up to her.

I have said I can't make the date for the Christmas meetup so I won't have to see him. Still unsure if I will say anything at this stage but I'm just left with such an icky feeling.

Okay?

Give him a slap

You must tell her! She needs to know she is married with a disgusting pig.

I think you should tell her immediately. Give her the facts and say, if he ever so much looks at me again you are both going to see a side of me you don’t like.