Boyfriend being stingy with money but used OF

[PinkBlossom92]

I (31) have been living with my boyfriend (43) for a year, had a bad car accident in October and had to buy a new car which I wasnt planning on doing this year, due to the high outgoings from buying a new house etc.
My dad in the end said he will pay the car off upfront (8k) and I can take a loan out and pay him back, so I don't get hit with high Apr from HP and i gave my dad 2k from my savings so the loan wouldn't be as big.

When my partner and I sat down to look through loans, he said he will let me 'borrow' 2.5k from him and pay it back to him over 18 months so that I don't have to take out such a big loan. I was a bit shocked if I'm honest. I said to him, when we spoke about me getting the car, you said you would GIVE me a grand toward it so I didn't have to clear my savings (the 2k). He denied this and I got pretty angry. I said you had no problem paying for your ex to be off work for a year after she got fired and then gave her 4k for house furniture when you split up and paid OF girls in 2020-2022 AND gave another woman huge amounts of money, who was basically scamming him for 5 years - but we have a mortgage together and are rasing my son together and yet you can't even help me with some money toward a car I need to have? I said I'm not taking a 'loan' off you, I'd rather a bank as that's insulting to be 'in debt' to the person I apparently have a life with.

I have a son that my partner doesn't pay toward eg after school clubs, clothing, shoes, activities or days out for us as a family, as I use child maintenance for this. My partner pays the majority of the niggly bills like tv licence, house insurance, internet due to not paying toward my sons expenses but I pay my share of the mortgage and the other bills like gas and electric.
I feel like a bit of a mug tbh, living with a bloke that spends money on other women but not me. It's embarrassing. I'm wondering if I maybe over reacted or if I'm within my rights to ask for him to help.
info: he’s on 50k I’m on 29k

He sounds horrible whatever the money situation. You shouldn’t be sharing a mortgage with him. It sounds like he has finally figured out how not to be a mug himself after overpaying all his previous gf.’s. So he is going to be tight with you because he was loose with them.

his Money is his,he’s not here to sort your loans or car purchase
You really shouldn’t have expectations of men keeping you or sorting you financially

Yes I agree he's probably learnt from his mistakes and you will suffer because of it.

However, I would never expect 1k from a partner unless we had joint funds.

You sound horribly entitled. Stop relying on men to pay for you,

As I said he offered to GIVE me 1k and then changed his tune. Pls read the post properly.

You seem to begrudge that he doesn't pay for your child? Why would he? You get maintenance.
If it was the other way around you would not expect to contribute to his child if he had one.
Also, you're lending off your dad yet you don't expect a free handout from him?

You both sound different in terms of values, I'd move on.

Frankly the salary differential isn’t relevant.
Nor is what he spend his own monies own (odious as it is it’s his money]
Stop relying on men hoping he’ll spend his money on you
All your priorities are skewed you expect him to pony up,because he’s a boyfriend and earns more
You don’t seem to be compatible. Break up. In your next relationship don’t be so passive expecting a man to pay for stuff

But it’s ok for men to rely on her to
bring up
the kids, run the house and pay the mortgage for free, right?

Cos she’s a woman?

Ignore Isabella Incel, OP.

What was he reasons for changing mind?

You do sound like a bit of a mug yes. He is showing you with his actions how little he thinks of you so not sure why you would stay in this relationship. I don't think he should have to give you money for a car though.

BF’s a twat OP. Ask for K£1.

Absolutely do not begrudge him not paying for a kid that isn’t his. Was simply letting readers understand how we split finances.
My father helping me out financially and expecting to be repaid is legit. If he said the same to my mother I know she would be offended and upset. Our family are traditional and yeh, maybe my partner is not so traditional and so we’re experiencing problems cos of that

Are you addressing me? IsabellaIncel, has a priddy ring to it . Thanks!☺️
Yes, just you continue advising women to be financially dependant upon men. That’s a great life choice. Path to empowerment and autonomy that is

So he has changed his mind re giving you £1000. It happens. it is his money and how he chooses to spend it now and how he has chosen to spend it in the past is exactly that - his choice, his money.

You are doing well not paying 50% of the ' niggly ' bills, so he is already subsidising you.

Why’re you commenting twice? If you can’t pay for your woman and feel offended I expect that, just say that.

I hear you but equally don’t say I’m doing well not paying 50:50 cos I’d be living with about 400£ a month left if I was doing that and he’d still have about a grand so what’re you on about? Couples are supposed to support each other so why would he want me scratching around with no money?

Do you understand the premise of mn. You post, I and others respond. Multiple times if I so wish

Why is a man on mumsnet go away

Wrong place for this OP. Mumsnet seem to think that if you ask your life partner for money then you are unreasonable and entitled.

I however could never be with a man who wasn't willing to help me out in financial situations. So I'd be pissed.

Is that the best you have? Really try have a think about your values & expectation in relationships regard finances.
You have some work to do. Learn to address and challenge your outmoded stereotypes and don’t passively depend on men or gripe when your boyfriend doesn’t give you handouts
How did you get here?

She’s bringing up her own son, and paying 50% of the mortgage on a house she half owns.

That’s not being an incel, it’s fair, surely.

I’ve paid 50% of every household bill I’ve ever shared with a man, salary difference or otherwise. We’re women, not charities.

Forget all the rest of it.

Why would a woman with an ounce of self respect be with a man who uses only fans?

Why’re you commenting twice? If you can’t pay for your woman and feel offended I expect that, just say that.

What the fuck? Is it 1942?

I wish maybe women would be treated with more respect from men