Boyfriend being stingy with money but used OF

[PinkBlossom92]

I (31) have been living with my boyfriend (43) for a year, had a bad car accident in October and had to buy a new car which I wasnt planning on doing this year, due to the high outgoings from buying a new house etc.
My dad in the end said he will pay the car off upfront (8k) and I can take a loan out and pay him back, so I don't get hit with high Apr from HP and i gave my dad 2k from my savings so the loan wouldn't be as big.

When my partner and I sat down to look through loans, he said he will let me 'borrow' 2.5k from him and pay it back to him over 18 months so that I don't have to take out such a big loan. I was a bit shocked if I'm honest. I said to him, when we spoke about me getting the car, you said you would GIVE me a grand toward it so I didn't have to clear my savings (the 2k). He denied this and I got pretty angry. I said you had no problem paying for your ex to be off work for a year after she got fired and then gave her 4k for house furniture when you split up and paid OF girls in 2020-2022 AND gave another woman huge amounts of money, who was basically scamming him for 5 years - but we have a mortgage together and are rasing my son together and yet you can't even help me with some money toward a car I need to have? I said I'm not taking a 'loan' off you, I'd rather a bank as that's insulting to be 'in debt' to the person I apparently have a life with.

I have a son that my partner doesn't pay toward eg after school clubs, clothing, shoes, activities or days out for us as a family, as I use child maintenance for this. My partner pays the majority of the niggly bills like tv licence, house insurance, internet due to not paying toward my sons expenses but I pay my share of the mortgage and the other bills like gas and electric.
I feel like a bit of a mug tbh, living with a bloke that spends money on other women but not me. It's embarrassing. I'm wondering if I maybe over reacted or if I'm within my rights to ask for him to help.
info: he’s on 50k I’m on 29k

How is ignoring everything else and focussing on one aspect helpful. Youre manufacturing the answer you want. A weird Tah dah Told you so moment

Doesn’t your car insurance cover you getting a new car?

More of looking at it there could be much worse problems than just financial ones tbh. If he is gaslighting her then she needs to leave and actually him giving/lending the money actually only gives him something else to hold over her making it harder to leave. Maybe im over cautious but that’s where my mind went.

I think OP is taking this too much to heart and I don’t think her partner has done an awful lot wrong.

There could be lots of reasons why he backtracked on the money, he could have needed the money for himself or he what he said initially could have been misunderstood. To accuse him of gaslighting is really harsh.

I don’t understand why you mentioned he doesn’t contribute towards your kids. I’m sure he helps with days out etc but he has no financial responsibility towards your children, even less so if you are getting child maintenance. You say you don’t expect him to pay which is fine, but I’m confused why you mentioned it in your initial post?

souls be grateful and thankful that he was kind enough to lend you the money.

the salary difference should have no bearing on whether he lends you money or not. You say he pays for the ‘nightly’ bills so I would suspect , along with your child maintenance payments your disposable income is roughly the same. £50k a year really isn’t a high wage these days.

finally, what he gave/lent before he met you is irrelevant. I lent a friend £1000 3 years ago and I’m still waiting for it to be paid back. I no longer see said friend but it now means I won’t be lending any friends money again unless I alts under exceptional circumstances.

I disagree if you are living as a family unit and take on a child as your own as an extra co parent you share expenses especially if you have a mortgage with their parent.

Get out OP this is not a nice situation for you or your DS and will only get worse and more apparent if you have children together he will always feel 2nd class x

Yes its funny how less is expected of step fathers than step mothers

I'm someone who thinks if you are in a long term relationship and you live together then you should operate as a 'family' unit.
This includes children & pets.

Shared responsibility including all bills, finances, housework, admin, childcare, pet care.

If you don't want to be a family then don't live together. (I'm not necessarily talking about relationships in your early 20s etc if you aren't likely to stay together) but anyone who has children and moves in with another adult that thru are in a relationship with I would have thought wants to build a future with them.

Otherwise it's much easier living alone, yes more expensive and you may have to downsize or find like minded friends/family you'd be better off living with.

1. What are you doing having a mortgage with a man who was in another relationship two years ago??

2. He doesn't have to give you a grand

3. Why are you with a man who was 40 paying for OF 🤢

4. You're 31 and your savings total is only 2k???? You sound like a spoilt princess who now has to grow up.

I'm someone who thinks if you are in a long term relationship and you live together then you should operate as a 'family' unit.
This includes children & pets

So does the DWP!!!! and posters on here would have no problem classing them as a couple if they were on Universal Credit