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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I report this, or respect teen DD’s wishes?

130 replies

Safeguardingdilemma · 03/12/2024 05:56

Hi mumsnet. I’d appreciate some advice/perspectives/experiences, I feel completely torn and devastated. Name changed for this too.

my DD was raped. They are both under 16 and at the same school.

I have spoken to the local SARC who have impressed upon me the importance of reporting to the school/police. This will trigger a MASH referral and it will all be out of my hands what happens next.

DD is adamant she doesn’t want me to report it and that she just wants to move on.

I know reporting it is the right thing to do, but all the advice online and my gut feeling is to respect her wishes. I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone been through this? What is it like to report without pursuing a prosecution? My fear is it’ll be hellish but unproductive, I’ll regret it and DD will never forgive me.

OP posts:

Nat6999 · 04/12/2024 04:44

As a bare minimum you need to persuade her to go to a sexual health clinic to be screened for stds & if still in the time frame get the morning after pill just for her health's sake. You don't know how many times he has done this to someone else.

2024riot · 04/12/2024 07:46

isthesolution · 03/12/2024 06:59

I'd ask dd to think of the next person he does this to and try to protect them. What if it's her best friend? Or her little sister/cousin (someone relatable to her).

Give a statement and submit any evidence (clothes etc) so that he is on the radar if nothing else. Then get her counselling.

Why are you posting such bad advice ?

leia24 · 04/12/2024 07:49

Nat6999 · 04/12/2024 04:33

I was raped by my exh, I reported it, did the horrendous video interview & everything. I put myself through the trauma of all of that for the CPS to decide it didn't reach the threshold for prosecution, I wish I hadn't bothered. Contact Rape Crisis for support for her, speak to the police & ask if the evidence can be held on file without further investigation, less than 2% of reported rapes ever lead to prosecution.

Honestly if it would have got past the CPS it only gets worse after that anyway, the criminal justice system is awful and so victim blaming.

Soitis83 · 04/12/2024 09:27

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 03/12/2024 18:46

Statistically, you know at least one rape victim but don't know it. We don't tend to wear t-shirts saying "I was raped".

Show quote history

Okay. I'll be more specific. No one has ever shared a rape experience with me. As far as I'm aware, I don't know a single rape victim.

Catoo · 04/12/2024 11:15

Soitis83 · 04/12/2024 09:27

Okay. I'll be more specific. No one has ever shared a rape experience with me. As far as I'm aware, I don't know a single rape victim.

Show quote history

So what?

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