Husband wakes me up and doesn’t like my natural reaction

[TheFluentViewer]

My husband will wake me up sometimes, knowing how incredibly tired I was before I had fallen asleep because we have a newborn and it’s 5 or 6 am, but he’ll wake me up by coming to cuddle me or touch and play with my face as I’m sleeping and for some reason since I’m coming out of a deep sleep I react by pushing him away or hitting his hand and seeming angry and violent, when in reality I’m not even conscious and have no idea what’s going on or what I’m doing. The same thing happens every time. He gets upset and asks me over and over why I did that and lectures me on how I need to get rid of that spirit that naturally comes out when I’m sleeping and he comes to me being loving toward me. I don’t know why I do that and barely remember what even happened and so I don’t respond the way he wants me to and he gets pissed and angry at me and sleeps on the couch but will swipe anything and everything that’s on the couch onto the floor first even if there’s something that breaks on the floor when he does, and I have to clean it up later. (We’re in a very small studio/guest house right now.) I haven’t been able to figure out the reason why I react this way and feel guilty about it and like something is wrong with me. Could it be some type of past abuse that I’m instinctually acting on? I can’t put my finger on it. He says every other girl he’s ever been with reacts lovingly by hugging back or just being nice.
I let him know how tired I am and that I need to go to sleep cause I work the next day, but I just teach piano and not for very long hours, so he says I’m fine because he used to get 2-3 hours of sleep and work hard labor for 10-18 hours a day. I’ve just been a little more sleep deprived compared to usual because I take care of the baby throughout the night and have to wake up every 2-3 hours to pump or make a bottle and feed him. My worry is that I’ll be so tired that I sleep through my alarms and don’t make it to work on time, or that I’m so tired on the drive to work and am all over the road or fall asleep at the wheel and get in an accident. I know I can teach fine without any sleep I’ve been doing it so long and it wakes me up, it’s more just about getting there on time and safely.

Also, he doesn't get to tell you you're fine with so little sleep. That's your call, not his.

Oh dear, you’ve married a jerk.

I’d react the same as you OP if I had a baby to care for too. He’s invading your personal space when it’s not wanted or needed, you need your sleep at this time. He’s selfish and childish. You have more right to be angry than he does. What a twat.

Tell him if he wakes you up again you will leave him and then he won’t have to worry about you swiping him away.

I’m actually serious. He sounds unhinged.

@TheFluentViewer it is not you that has a problem, it’s him not being able
to leave you alone while you’re barely awake. The complete muppet needs to grow up and if he won’t understand that he needs to change, please get rid.

He's disrespecting you though, by continuing to do something you don't like. He's disrespecting you be telling you how other people allegedly behaved in this situation. He's disrespecting you by putting his need for attention above your need for sleep.
That isn't loving behaviour.

You can't disrespect him but he's disrespecting you every time he touches your face isn't it?
Frankly, I'd be murderous if that happened to me
He's not loving and kind at all.

I react like you and it's not unconscious! My husband can show his love by letting me sleep.

What an absolute fucking creep. Who does that? Don’t bloody pander to him with the whole “oh no, how can I lovingly respond back” nonsense. You need to wake up and roar “FUCK OFF, YOU TWAT” and see if that makes a difference.

He won't take No from you?
Would that include sex?

Lots of new mothers get touched out from their babies and can't put up with much touch from anyone else at all. That is normal (teachers of the very young can feel similar at the end of the day). How would he cope if you reacted like that!

He sounds gross, why did you have a baby with him ?

He sounds like a twat

"Every other woman" who he's had a baby with and has been kept up in the night by that baby has been fine with him randomly waking them up from much-needed sleep??

How many babies does he have? And with how many women?

so he says I’m fine because he used to get 2-3 hours of sleep and work hard labor for 10-18 hours a day

This is incredibly damaging to someone's health. Most people need between 7 - 9 hrs of deep, uninterrupted sleep for optimum health.

I'm trying to decide if your partner is just really thick or abusive.

At the moment I'm leaning on the fact he knows exactly what he's doing. He may call it 'affection' but it's an incredibly manipulate, way of inflicting suffering on you, which hiding it as love or affection. It's cruelty.

I'd bet he hold incredible resentment or even hate towards you OP, for some reason, and I predict it will rear its ugly head in other ways in your relationship, sooner or later. I couldn't trust a man who did this to me. AT ALL.

That is an abusive arsehole right there.

My ex used to gran my nose «playfully» and other parts of me too. Abusive and fucking awful.

Your reaction is perfectly normal, apparently I become angry and aggressive when people try to wake me from a deep sleep, usually because I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa, I don’t remember it either, it’s insane to try and cuddle or touch your face though, he’s a weirdo.

Well, it is a predator that's sneaked up on her whilst she's sleeping, isn't it?

Just a human one.

your DH is an idiot. you are having a natural reaction that you cannot control. you are tired. you need more sleep. If he loves you he will understand you are tired and will go out of his way to ensure you get as much good wuality sleep as possible. Love is putting your partner first - he seems unable to do this. Dont let him tell you that you are not doing the same - you are asleep!!

Sorry to break it to you, he's a knob

Dickhead.

Perhaps American women are more tolerant of having their noses interfered with whilst asleep.

Given the lol and really random responses from OP I'm certain AI is learning a lot. It's a while to go to understand abuse of women but hopefully this will help anyone IRL who has a man of this
breathtaking sense of entitlement

Wait are you saying that I’m AI now?
that was 100% a joke btw 😅

It’s pretty funny that I happened to post on a British website unknowingly, because my boyfriend in highschool was British but one of the reasons we broke up was because of his “banter” which was just him insulting/making fun of me in front of other people and then when I respond with wanting to break up with him he said “it’s called B A N T E R” 🤦🏻‍♀️

No, I don’t know how it works.

I’m glad you returned @TheFluentViewer

Do you genuinely think his behaviour is remotely normal or acceptable?

What have your previous relationships been like?