Husband wakes me up and doesn’t like my natural reaction

[TheFluentViewer]

My husband will wake me up sometimes, knowing how incredibly tired I was before I had fallen asleep because we have a newborn and it’s 5 or 6 am, but he’ll wake me up by coming to cuddle me or touch and play with my face as I’m sleeping and for some reason since I’m coming out of a deep sleep I react by pushing him away or hitting his hand and seeming angry and violent, when in reality I’m not even conscious and have no idea what’s going on or what I’m doing. The same thing happens every time. He gets upset and asks me over and over why I did that and lectures me on how I need to get rid of that spirit that naturally comes out when I’m sleeping and he comes to me being loving toward me. I don’t know why I do that and barely remember what even happened and so I don’t respond the way he wants me to and he gets pissed and angry at me and sleeps on the couch but will swipe anything and everything that’s on the couch onto the floor first even if there’s something that breaks on the floor when he does, and I have to clean it up later. (We’re in a very small studio/guest house right now.) I haven’t been able to figure out the reason why I react this way and feel guilty about it and like something is wrong with me. Could it be some type of past abuse that I’m instinctually acting on? I can’t put my finger on it. He says every other girl he’s ever been with reacts lovingly by hugging back or just being nice.
I let him know how tired I am and that I need to go to sleep cause I work the next day, but I just teach piano and not for very long hours, so he says I’m fine because he used to get 2-3 hours of sleep and work hard labor for 10-18 hours a day. I’ve just been a little more sleep deprived compared to usual because I take care of the baby throughout the night and have to wake up every 2-3 hours to pump or make a bottle and feed him. My worry is that I’ll be so tired that I sleep through my alarms and don’t make it to work on time, or that I’m so tired on the drive to work and am all over the road or fall asleep at the wheel and get in an accident. I know I can teach fine without any sleep I’ve been doing it so long and it wakes me up, it’s more just about getting there on time and safely.

There’s people from all over the globe on this site. Most agree that your H is behaving like an abusive and controlling arse. It is not «loving» to deprive someone of sleep. It is torture.

Okay, so you've had previous abusive relationships.

Have you had any healthy ones?

Prick.

This has give me both the creeps and the rage. He’s touching you while you sleep and he’s upset when you react because you’re fucking exhausted? Holding your nose while you’re trying to soothe your child? Absolute fucking prick.

I can’t decide if it’s abuse, assault or both from him.

Then he smashes stuff, throws a wobbler and performative sleeps on the couch leaving more mess for you to pick up?

Maybe he’d like to fuck off to the couch for the foreseeable and then fuck off completely and leave you to sleep unmolested?

Oh and he’s not deserving of a single ounce of respect.

Bin this collossal piece of shit.

I don’t know what to think of it…it confuses the fuck out of me. I told him during one of these many fights it causes that whenever he’s sleeping I try my best not to create much noise or movement or light so that he doesn’t wake up and can get more sleep because I know he takes a longer time to fall asleep than me. All previous relationships were shit and way worse than this. This isn’t even that bad to me. I just know since we’re married we’re going to be together forever so we should resolve issues like this early on.

I just know since we’re married we’re going to be together forever so we should resolve issues like this early on.

Or you could tell him to respect your boundaries and if he doesn't, divorce him. And then get some therapy to work out where your utter lack of self esteem is coming from. Why do you think you deserve to be treated like this?

I don’t believe I have…maybe one but he was a fat ugly nerd and I broke up with him after two weeks. 🤷🏻‍♀️

How horrible of you, to describe a human being like this.

Looks fade..,Sounds like he was a better option than your current partner. That said, I suppose who really knows if it was only 2 weeks, perhaps his true colours hadn’t come out yet…

Youe husband is being deliberately weird. I get some men can be awkward but you’ve explicitly showed/told him that you don’t like the way he wakes you up and yet he continues.

And why is he comparing what his previous girlfriends have liked to what you like? It’s you he should be aiming to please not his exes.

He seems to he gaslighting you, pretending as if you being annoyed at being woken up in this strange way is somewhat unusual or unreasonable.

I'd rather have a fat ugly nerd who treats me with love and respect than a good looking abuser...

Oh dear.
So you've had a long series of abusive relationships.

Looks like you're in another. And no, you don't need to stay with anyone just because you're married to them.

You had my sympathies earlier, OP. This comment makes you look like an extremely unpleasant person. No-one deserves to be abused, but you might want to do some self reflection on how you speak to or about others.

I quite agree.

Fucking hell!

OK Op, learn to enjoy your husband waking you up. You deserve it .

Is this your idea of banter?

Are you serious? He's vile!

If my husband did this to me he would be told to fuck off. If he continued he would need to find somewhere else to sleep until he stopped being a dick. I am a person, not an object for his entertainment and neither are you.

I’d probably start by waking him up every single time I got up for starters and see how affectionate he felt after the 15th bloody time.

Be clear, you don’t want to put up with this crap for 20 years.

Seems he dodged one there.

Oh, OK, it's not just your husband who's vile. Your poor kid.

He sounds like a fucking creep!

Your husband is vile. He might look pretty, but he's an arse. Tell him he wakes you up again because he fancies a cuddle and you will divorce him. And do it. He needs to stop waking you up.

I'm starting to think that too 🤔

can anyone smell a cloying sweet smell wafting? and it isn’t success …

I just know since we’re married we’re going to be together forever so we should resolve issues like this early on.

Just because you're married doesn't mean you're going to be together forever. I know lots of people who were married and aren't any more. In 90% of those cases its because the husband turned out to be a gaslighting twat.

Or a violent POS.