NotSureAboutThisWhatDoYouThink ·
30/11/2024 17:56
I'll he honest. I do have some self esteem issues. I find it difficult to tell when something is the sort of thing other people would be bothered about (eg reasonable) or whether I'm making a mountain out of a molehill (eg unreasonable).
I find that other people saying how they would feel/what they would do helps to get a clearer perspective, if that makes sense?
Until last weekend, I hadn't been out socially since August. Before then, I went out every Saturday night but I just lost my confidence - almost overnight. Some of it was, I suspect, down to perimenipause (I'm 49) and some of it was because I felt that, when I went out, my partner would 'forget' about me. Eg we would arrive together and he'd spend time with me but, once people he knew had arrived, he would wander off to chat and I wouldn't really see him again.
I had a thread in the summer about it and whilst some people felt I should just follow him, tag along and join in conversations with people I didn't know, the majority agreed that it was a bit off of him to leave me on my own.
We had a conversation about it. I gave examples of times when it had happened and how it made me feel. He apologised unreservedly and said he'd been selfish and hadn't seen it from my perspective and promised to "do better."
So, last weekend, we went to a gig. It's one of the things we like(d) to do together. It was an all day thing with 5 or 6 bands on from early afternoon until late evening but we were both really looking forward to seeing the headline band - they're one of my favourites.
The whole day was absolutely fine.
Just before the last band played, we both went to the loo at the same time. The toilets are located at the back of the main room, up some stairs and along a short corridor (in case it matters). As we went in, he said, "I'll see you here in a minute," and gestured towards a specific area meaning outside the toilets.
I came out and waited for him. I didn't really have much sense of the time, but was probably only there for 5/10 mins or so. There were a lot of people we both knew, so I assumed he must have got talking to someone. So I waited. I didn't want to leave in case he came put and thought I was still in the loo and waited himself - given that he said he'd "do better" before.
Eventually, his friend's wife came up to the loo and told me he was downstairs chatting to her husband.
I went down and there he was. No longer chatting but waiting for the band to start. And completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn't there.
When I asked him about it, he said he'd got talking to someone in the loos (a stranger) about the bands and they walked out, past the place we were supposed to meet, still talking, and went downstairs - still talking. He then left the stranger and started talking to is friend and had completely forgotten about me. Just forgotten I was even there to fhe point me not being there didn't remind him.
It really soured it for me. It was the first time I'd been out with him in months and the first opportunity he'd had to consider me. And he forgot about me. Forgot I was even there.
Am I being over sensitive about this or is it something I actually should be concerned about?
And before anyone makes this point - yes, I'm quite capable of going to the loo on my own but, at that point, we had both gone at the same time so he said we'd wait for each other and go back down together.
Thanks.