OP, I literally created an account just to comment on this post.
I was your DD. I didn’t have autism or ADHD, but instead I had extreme anxiety, depression, ocd & ptsd. I grew up with severely dysfunctional parents, a verbally abusive and “grumpy” dad who was quick to lash out at all of us whenever the wind blew the wrong way. I don’t know how many times he threatened to send me away, said he was done with me, hated me, etc. Telling you now, we never recovered from that, and my relationship with my mother was irrevocably damaged for her not intervening too.
I refused to open up in therapy because I truly believed everything was my fault and talking was no use. Talking wouldn’t undo my trauma. I also couldn’t trust anyone, as my therapist once mentioned something I’d said back to my mom about an argument my parents’ had had that I’d overheard. I spent the rest of the evening being lectured by both parents about how embarrassing it was to have someone know their business - even though I was literally in therapy to handle this business.
I also refused to go to school, because I believed I had to be at home to remain in control. I believed I’d lose everyone around me to death because I already had lost most people. I had also been SA’d as a child, a memory that was lost in the back of my mind until I was about 17. My parents still don’t know about that. So being outside of my home was literally (in my mind) as dangerous as a war zone. Everyone and everything was out to hurt me. I had bigger issues than schooling, and felt unfortunately that I didn’t have capacity for it because I was focusing all the energy I had on simply surviving.
I was constantly terrorized, traumatized, and ready to fight. Constantly suicidal, or disassociated. Can’t remember 2 whole years of my teenage years. Always angry. I would have easily swung at my father if he had tried to manhandle me - still would. That’s self defense. Just because your DD is his child, doesn’t mean he can physically grab her. You’re being way too lenient about that. My father was an asshole but he’d never do that, and my mother let a lot of things slide, but she wouldn’t have let that slide.
Taking away my things also never helped me. All it did was reinforce the idea that 1) everything was my fault and I was always in trouble and 2) what was mine did not matter, whether it was belongings, feelings, thoughts, etc.
As an adult, I am severely protective of my things, my freedom, etc. I worked through my issues alone because to this day, I still don’t trust anyone. I speak to my parents, but I don’t trust them all that much. I have forgiven but not forgotten.