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Original poster

He has asked me to move in with him, how can I say no nicely?

133 replies

Badwitch222 · 29/11/2024 10:50

I am currently in what I would class as a situation-ship.
Long story short we was speaking & dating he would always be hot and cold with me. The first time we met he was telling me that he loves me and then the day after he just wanted to be friends.

we had sex for the first time, we spoke for a few days after. He then started ignoring my messages just opening them and ignoring them so I blocked him last week. I ended up unblocking him yesterday as I had a pregnancy scare my periods are usually like clock work but I have missed my period. I asked him if he would be with me when I did the test to which he said yes.

I told him I would contact him tomorrow with a time and place to meet he said okay and then 20 minutes he kept sending me messages asking if I had been okay, asking me how life has been ect…

So I just told him about life, my landlord is currently wanting to sell up so wants me out. I told him I’m just looking for houses at the moment because of this. He has now offered me to come and move into his flat with him. Whilst the idea is really nice I really don’t think this is a good idea. We spend so much time arguing and that’s just over text message now imagine if we’re just in each others space constantly and his flat is only small.

I tried to brush it off the first time he said it, but he must of noticed because he kept mentioning it either how he’ll be able to look after me ect ect ( not like I do need looking after, I am very independent and I work myself). I just said yeah I’ll have a think about it he wants me to come over today to discuss it.

I also asked him why he was ignoring me on purpose, he said he wasn’t ignoring me at the start but he started to ignore me when I messaged him asking why he was ignoring me. He ignored me 2 days, just kept opening my messages and reading them but no reply. It was completely out of nowhere so I blocked him.

OP posts:
Beastiesandthebeauty · 29/11/2024 13:40

The nice way would be ' No thanks you delusion man' you need to hope you aren't pregnant and move on. Block and leave blocked.

Normallynumb · 29/11/2024 13:52

This all reads like teen drama. Blocking then unblocking, leaving messages on read, and you've only met twice( and had a pregnancy scare)
Are you actually a teen or a woman who doesn't know what a normal relationship should look like?
Obviously do not move in and I wouldn't bother meeting him for a third time.
In answer to your question, " No, thank you" will suffice.

Bananalanacake · 29/11/2024 13:56

If you see him again and have sex insist on condoms, even if you are on other contraception, best to be doubly safe, you don't know who else he has had casual sex with, he could have Syphilis or HIV.

ComputerHELP · 29/11/2024 14:01

Also OP, no one falls in love quicker than a man who needs somewhere to live or needs someone to split the rent with.

ObtuseMoose · 29/11/2024 14:04

This is your second thread about this so-called relationship; the first one didn't sound very believable either.

MrsAga · 29/11/2024 14:07

“Thanks, that’s really kind of you to offer, but I’m sure I’ll find somewhere suitable before I have to move from here”
then disentangle yourself from this mess.

thatsawhopperthatlemon · 29/11/2024 14:16

Well he probably said it on the spur of the moment when you told him you had missed a period and might be pregnant, so it was what I would describe as a gentlemanly gesture on his part, to show that he was going to stand by you, as it were.

All the rest of it though, what a pain.

Mmhmmn · 29/11/2024 14:31

he would always be hot and cold with me
We spend so much time arguing and that’s just over text message

Just say no thanks. You don't need to be nice. You need to look out for yourself. You don't sound like a good match so you're right, living together would be a disaster.

RosaMoline · 29/11/2024 15:01

ObtuseMoose · 29/11/2024 14:04

This is your second thread about this so-called relationship; the first one didn't sound very believable either.

Is that the one about the bloke that wanted to ‘fill her up with his babys’ (sic)
🤮

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 29/11/2024 15:21

I am unable to read that as anything other than he wanted to fill her up with his baby's sick

And now I feel queasy too.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/11/2024 15:27

There is absolutely no need for you to say 'no' nicely. And given his repeatedly ignoring you, I think that's what I would do - just ignore that he asked the question at all. Give no answer. Just keep looking for your own place. And block all contact with him.

Do not for one second risk giving this man any power over you. Moving in obviously gives him the power to eject you and leave you homeless.

ObtuseMoose · 29/11/2024 15:30

RosaMoline · 29/11/2024 15:01

Is that the one about the bloke that wanted to ‘fill her up with his babys’ (sic)
🤮

Show quote history

Yes, hard to believe that anyone would want to pursue a relationship after that.

BellissimoGecko · 29/11/2024 16:16

Badwitch222 · 29/11/2024 11:18

We have known each other for about 2 months, I’ve met him once properly & the other time was the time that we actually met

😱😱😱

What on earth are you doing? You don't get on, he's a lunatic, and you're both too immature to be parents.

Do the test by yourself. Don't move in with him. FFS.

Original poster
Badwitch222 · 01/12/2024 08:36

Hi, so just an updated I am not pregnant, I am so happy about this & I will be making sure to be extra careful in future.

We was supposed to meet up on Friday night however he said he didn’t want to see me he sent me a text saying he’ll have to rain check on me this week but I can see him some time next week & he said “ Anyways its better when I make you wait too see me, we can talk alot more and when you do see me you'll never want to let me go xxxx“ .

He also followed that message up telling me that he’s working on Saturday, so that is another reason why he couldn’t meet me. He never works a Saturday just Monday-Friday.

He ended up at the pub drinking, I told him he couldn’t be that concerned about having to go to work to not meet me if he chose to go to the pub and get drunk. He kept ringing me of his phone and his mates phone, I told him I didnt want to speak to him he then just started accusing me of being with another guy because I didn’t want to speak to him. Anyway I ended up going to sleep I woke up to about 20 missed calls on Snapchat/to my phone/ WhatsApp/another number. The last call he sent was at like 4 am. He left me these texts “Tonight I've come to thev realization people are different on a different spectrum that's why I can never understand people”
”Drinking does not understand me but your out with your out with a guy haha your a fool”

He knows I was not out and Infact home alone as I sent him a picture.

I told him yesterday that I don’t want to speak to him anymore as I’m sick of the way he treats me and his reply was I could give 2 fks to be honest I haven’t spoke to him and he hasn’t spoken to me neither.

he is just causing me stress more than anything

OP posts:
WhimsicalGubbins76 · 01/12/2024 08:43

OP, in the nicest possible way, I really don’t understand why you’re posting about this absolute non-relationship
You've essentially had a one night stand with some idiot that you’ve only met twice. Block him and move on.

Shadesofscarlett · 01/12/2024 08:43

fgs just block him - why are you engaging with this manipulative manchild?

Redruby2020 · 01/12/2024 08:48

So what was the actual outcome from the test.
No you don't move in with someone like that, adding in how things have been and that you've met what? Two times unless I've got it wrong.
And for some reason you feel you can't just say an outright no! To his moving in proposal, so that says a lot too.

Original poster
Badwitch222 · 01/12/2024 08:48

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 01/12/2024 08:43

OP, in the nicest possible way, I really don’t understand why you’re posting about this absolute non-relationship
You've essentially had a one night stand with some idiot that you’ve only met twice. Block him and move on.

I have met him twice but the 2nd time of meeting him we actually spent the whole weekend together from the Friday - Monday. He wanted me to go home and get some stuff & then come back but I didn’t end up doing this as things came up and we sort of drifted.

He has said he wants to be in a relationship with me but then he starts acting like he doesn’t care so that’s why I’m getting confused I don’t see where I stand at all. He tells me one thing and then when the weekend hits he goes out drinking and tells me a different thing

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 01/12/2024 08:51

Why are you wasting so much head space on a casual shag who treats you like shit?

Raise your bar out of the gutter, block the loser and stop dating until you’ve found your self respect otherwise you’ll continue to attract useless twats.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 01/12/2024 08:59

Badwitch222 · 01/12/2024 08:48

I have met him twice but the 2nd time of meeting him we actually spent the whole weekend together from the Friday - Monday. He wanted me to go home and get some stuff & then come back but I didn’t end up doing this as things came up and we sort of drifted.

He has said he wants to be in a relationship with me but then he starts acting like he doesn’t care so that’s why I’m getting confused I don’t see where I stand at all. He tells me one thing and then when the weekend hits he goes out drinking and tells me a different thing

Show quote history

Op, he doesnt want a relationship. He wants sex on standby when he feels like it.
A man that is interested in you for more than a shag does not blow extreme hot and cold in the early days
You're worth more than that. I stand by my previous comment. Block him and move on

DaisyChain505 · 01/12/2024 09:05

The relationship I have with my postman is more serious than this.

grow up and move on.

Tagyoureit · 01/12/2024 09:09

Badwitch222 · 01/12/2024 08:48

I have met him twice but the 2nd time of meeting him we actually spent the whole weekend together from the Friday - Monday. He wanted me to go home and get some stuff & then come back but I didn’t end up doing this as things came up and we sort of drifted.

He has said he wants to be in a relationship with me but then he starts acting like he doesn’t care so that’s why I’m getting confused I don’t see where I stand at all. He tells me one thing and then when the weekend hits he goes out drinking and tells me a different thing

Show quote history

That's still classed as a one night stand, it just lasted a bit longer! This is not a relationship of any kind whatsoever.

Block the twit, take a step back and really evaluate what you want from someone else.

All this drama makes you both sound like you're 15! You have a lot of growing up to do if you think this shit show was any kind of relationship.

Expect better!

Ladyj84 · 01/12/2024 09:33

This is not a relationship it's a shag when he wants it, you don't even know the guy. You need to grow up block him and find someone who does want to be with you. It's sad you met and had sex so quick clearly you don't have to much self esteem

TunipTheVegimal24 · 01/12/2024 10:41

Congratulations on the non pregnancy OP!!

It doesn't seem like you are good at dealing with the emotional aspect of ONS (lots of people aren't!). I would steer well clear in future, and work on your boundaries before starting a new relationship.

I'd get an STI test ASAP too, as the guy sounds like a shagger and you didn't use barrier contraception. Whilst you're there, get the implant fitted.

But the headline is no pregnancy!!! That's great news!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 01/12/2024 11:22

Thank fuck you're not pregnant.
Tell him to piss off and block him.
Stop entertaining this drama bullshit.
There's absolutely no need for it.