Sisters dil birthday gift

[Livinglifetoday]

My sister called me almost in tears. A year ago she gave her dil a bag for her birthday in the style & colour she always uses. She was disappointed she never saw her using it but never said anything. Last night during a visit her dil said this bag (old one) is done I'll need to fork out for a new one. My sister said I gave you a bag similar for your birthday last year, was it OK. Dil blanked the question & spoke about something else. I'm usually quite good at being diplomatic but this got to me. They get on well but she has a habit depending on her mood of behaving like this occasionally. My sister is the sweetest person & wouldn't hurt a fly but I'm lost as to what to advise her. WWYD

Whilst I'm sure your sister meant well a bag is a present that's quite tricky to buy for someone else (unless they've told you the exact one). Style and colour is one thing, but so is brand, material etc.

It sounds like the DIL was being fairly tactical by switching up the conversation.

If your sister is on the verge of tears because someone didn't like a present she gave a year ago, I'd try to be supportive but also realistic - it's not the end of the world!

You can advise your sister to just give your DIL gift vouchers from now on. But it sounds as if a quite sensitive MIL and an unpredictable DIL is a bit tricky.

If she hasn’t used it in a year, your sister must know that it wasn’t to her taste. It was a bit awkward of her to bring it up.

Honestly? I'd tell your sister she needs to grow up.

She's a full grown adult who bought someone a gift they obviously weren't fussed about. It's utterly trivial.

Oh dear it sounds like the DIL didn't like the bag and had forgotten all about it when she mentioned getting a new one. She was probably embarrassed she had been caught off guard with that and wanted to change the subject and move on quickly.

I get all this but it was almost identical to the one she had. As mentioned she has history of doing this type of thing if she's in a mood about something unrelated,turning her face away or ignoring things my sister has said. I can see why my sister would be confused cause if she isn't in a mood she's lovely. I know her well too,family parties etc so I totally get this. I'm just not sure how she should handle it.

It was practically the same style as the one she has.

It's a build of similar behaviour if she's in one of her moods

“It's a build of similar behaviour if she's in one of her moods”

Is there a typo in there?

I told my sister to ignore the moods & just be grateful they get on well in general. I agree my sister is more sensitive to this type of thing & worries if she thinks her dil isn't happy but she has no control over that. She's always lovely to me but it's a different dynamic. I have actually witnessed her blanking my sister during chats at functions but I never thought it was a regular thing until last night.

Build up

My sister is understanding.It was just the way she felt at the time when she called. A bit frustrated with her at times, no big deal.

But wasn't the same. Your sister may have bought a cheap, non leather version of a nice bag that the DIL simply didn't like. Simjlsr bags aren't the same as!

Your sister needs to accept she made a wrong choice. Does your sister frequently overreact and is that why DIL ignores her behaviour perhaps?

I wonder if your sister is trying too hard and comes across as too anxious to please? Because unfortunately that can be very irritating and maybe DiL is turning away and biting her tongue at what she percieves to be a bit too much fussing and fluttering? Tbf your sister massively put her on the spot asking directly if she liked the bag when obviously she didn't (people don't not use a nice bag just because they're moody. Not for a whole year!) If I were your sister I'd tell her to relax and dial back her worry about DiL. Just treat her as she would any other family member. Don't fuss around whether she's happy or not, and if she's rude, politely challenge it with a 'DiL, I just spoke to you...' at the time.

Is it something like the river island dupes of the beige print Gucci bags?

Absolutely not & it was the same bag from the same shop,a couple of changes to the studs pattern on it,nothing drastic. I don't think people are accepting this is not a one off,hence the call.My sister bends over backwards when she's arrives in one of her moods.Ive told her to stop trying so hard with her. Incidentally they get on brilliantly most of the time.I feel like it's when someone has upset her ( often her mother) she gets in a mood & in turn upsets my sister. It's a bit complicated from what I hear.

The bag isn't the same. You have said so more than once. If she liked it she would use it. Your sister brought it up a year later that she hadn't used the gift she bought her a year ago. Her DIL ignored the comment because I presume she thought MIL was looking for a reaction from her and she didn't give her the satisfaction of rising to her being goady about not using the bag she didn't like

Your sister really needs to stop bending over backwards. If she finds her DiL in one of her moods, she needs to say "I'm getting the sense that you're not up for socialising with me today DiL, so I'll leave you to it".

She is a bit of a fuss pot 😂 but like that with everyone, never puts herself first but to be fair she never interferes, rarely calls unless they call her & they do. I'm probably similar hence my post concerned about it. I think I'll forget it now 😂

Not goady in the least. She's terrified of doing that 😂

I am really particular about bags and if someone bought me one I didn’t like, I am really sorry but I wouldn’t use it.
It was very nice of your sis to buy it, but it doesn’t mean her DIL has to be forced to use it.
However, she does sound moody and that shouldn’t be something she should take out on her MIL
Now that shouldn’t be happening.
As a people-pleaser it is hard to speak up but sometimes you need to.

Then why bring up the bag she bought? It seems to me she was doing just that.

I think people have to accept this lovely lady is known to be moody. Everyone is ignoring this part of my post for some reason but hey ho all I was doing was asking for advice on how to handle moody women that take it out on others sometimes those closest to them & using the bag story as an example.

this 100 per cent.

Your sister needs to stop caring what SIL thinks and stop being so invested in pleasing her with what are probably quite lavish presents, which fusspot SIL is being a bit of a bee about.
She needs to dial down the presents and the people pleasing and be a lot less bothered about SILs moods and sulks. Sil sounds like a bit of a bully tbf.

This has nothing to do with a sil, it's my sisters dil but thanks for the advice which I generally agree with