Sisters dil birthday gift

[Livinglifetoday]

My sister called me almost in tears. A year ago she gave her dil a bag for her birthday in the style & colour she always uses. She was disappointed she never saw her using it but never said anything. Last night during a visit her dil said this bag (old one) is done I'll need to fork out for a new one. My sister said I gave you a bag similar for your birthday last year, was it OK. Dil blanked the question & spoke about something else. I'm usually quite good at being diplomatic but this got to me. They get on well but she has a habit depending on her mood of behaving like this occasionally. My sister is the sweetest person & wouldn't hurt a fly but I'm lost as to what to advise her. WWYD

😂😂

I feel like this is a wind up.

Thats a total fabrication. She's not like that at all. In fact it's the first time my sister has spoken about her to me in respect of advice about something. Mostly it's about how generally lovely she is but the bag scenario brought it to a head that her moods are getting worse.

This seems a non issue. The DIL didn't like the bag - she's entitled to her opinion. She also probably forgot about the present realised she put her foot in it so hurriedly changed the subject.
Your sister needs to toughen up.

DIL changed the subject when your DSis raised a point that could have led to an awkward moment.

I don't see any mention of moodiness here.

You say the bags were almost identical. How is that relevant?

Your DSis then called you almost in tears. That sounds like unpredictable moodiness to me.

Now you're starting to speculate about menopause.

Have you considered that maybe DIL didn't like the bag. Or didn't need another one at the time so decided to swap it for socks. And then didn't want to offend her MIL who has been known to become tearful for no apparent reason in the past.

I think you should take a step back. Accept that maybe DIL wasn't moody on this occasion. She was perhaps being diplomatic and your DSis misinterpreted the change of convo as moodiness. And consider that maybe it's inappropriate for you and DSis to be discussing perceived moodiness, menopause, etc.

Tell her to just buy flowers from now on they are relatively inoffensive

So where was it different?

Practically the same isn't The Same

Was it cheaper? Different make? Larger? Smaller?

What would it matter?

For heaven's sake don't do this!

Would anyone think that a dupe is ‘more or less the same than the original’?

I wouldn't toughen her up or change her in any way. She's a caring soul who regularly provides money for their annual holiday & was confused about the response on asking about the bag. I totally understand it was to remind her that she didn't need to spend money thats tight at the moment. People here seem to be making up their own narrative so I'll bow out & stick with my thoughts her dil moods are due to perimenopause.

I’d argue that your sisters moods can be quite erratic given she’s in such a stew and rang you almost in tears over a potentially missing-the-mark present and an awkward question being dodged. Putting her DIL on the spot like that may well have been innocently meant but very easily construed as rather passive aggressive. She’s being very dramatic imo.

Your sister gave a present to her DIL.
Your sister is a MIL, everyone on MN could have told her that MIL’s are always in the wrong.
It’s nothing personal, that’s just how it is.
😉😁😁.

If you've read the thread the call was due to a build up of recent moods now hard to cope with & the bag response was a catalyst for the call.

Thanks, I'm indeed gathering that now. It's a shame cause we should be able to see things from both perspectives. I always can but that's me 😊

Yes but your sister is overreacting about the bag to the extent that we're all thinking she's likely overreacting about the rest.

I think your sister is doing fine. Making the most of the times she is in a good mood and ignoring the moodiness.
she calls you to vent - you just need to be a sympathetic ear.

Actually I take the blame for not painting the whole picture. I should have made the story clearer from the start.

This, I’m afraid op. I did read the full thread and understand that naturally you’ll be ‘on your sisters side’ so to speak, but this isn’t a very good example of these apparently terrible escalating moods.
Ultimately sometimes people are ‘moody’, sometimes they overreact emotionally to perceived slights. That’s life. Focussing on the good is sensible.

Thanks, I agree

What stands out for me is that your sister is getting worried her DIL has an issue with her due to ‘her moods’. And she is worried about her DIL (and her ds I imagine) lack of money (as she has lent them money in the past etc…)

My advice to her would be to step back.

In some ways she is taking things too personally (aka DIL has moods/blanks people when things happen in her life. Your dsister should assume it’s out of her control and has nothing to do with her rather than the DIL has in issue with her iyswim). Grey rocking/ignoring the moods might well be that it will be enough to change the dynamics in the right way.

Id also advice her to not worry about the financials of her DIL+son.. They might or might not have issues. Her ds clearly trust her enough to ask for help if needed. And she’s happy to do so if she can. But it’s their issue, their responsibility and really none of your sister concern.
After that, a moan about having to buy a new bag might not have anything to do with not having enough money. But just not liking spending money on that.

Maybe It would help both if you ask your dsister when she calls if she wants advice or just to vent.
Then you know what will be most helpful to her?

I would say "Ok then" and move on with the conversation.
Don't give it another thought.

However if your sister is regularly providing this particular branch of the family with financial top ups or what not, I'd be slower to provide that financial top up going forwards. There is no call to be rude here and the DiL here was rude to her MiL (OP's sister).

As for what the DiL could have said - something like "Oh, yes, I had forgotten about that bag. I'll take some time tomorrow to fish it out from the back of the wardrobe. Thanks for the reminder" even if she had sold it on Ebay/given it away to a sale of work/donated it to the local charity shop, anything would have been better than the awkward silence or difficult stop in the conversation.

I think maybe people are “ignoring that part” because your original post was just all about the bag situation with only a brief mention of her moods, it wasn’t really the main focus of the post, it came across more like you were just asking for advice on how to make your sister feel better about the handbag situation.

As a caring soul, maybe your sis could approach it out of concern rather than in a ‘don’t talk to me that way’ reply?
I am noticing you aren’t quite yourself, are you okay?
Or…
I always love your company but you seem on edge / anything on your mind I can help you with?
Sometimes it can diffuse a situation and sometimes the other person might open up a bit?

This is a non issue. You and your sister sound oversensitive.

Thank you to the posters who gave constructive advice about handing moodiness in general when things don't go your way for whatever reason. My apologies for making the bag situation the forefront of my post although I did mention in my first post about moody behaviour in general.

I agree being overly sensitive is not a great trait but it can help with knowing somebody is suffering & spotting it. We are a close knit family & help each other when necessary. My sisters dil is a lovely person but she is inclined to have moods & strops when anything goes against her. They'll cope.