Sisters dil birthday gift

[Livinglifetoday]

My sister called me almost in tears. A year ago she gave her dil a bag for her birthday in the style & colour she always uses. She was disappointed she never saw her using it but never said anything. Last night during a visit her dil said this bag (old one) is done I'll need to fork out for a new one. My sister said I gave you a bag similar for your birthday last year, was it OK. Dil blanked the question & spoke about something else. I'm usually quite good at being diplomatic but this got to me. They get on well but she has a habit depending on her mood of behaving like this occasionally. My sister is the sweetest person & wouldn't hurt a fly but I'm lost as to what to advise her. WWYD

I agree, I think the sister ringing in tears over this is a bit much. Someone doesn’t like the gift you bought them, it’s not really a big deal. You win some, you lose some. Thinking about it, my boyfriend hasn’t worn the new sweater I bought him a couple of months back but I’m not gonna ring anyone and cry over it.

I don’t feel the DIL was moody at all over the bag, it sounds like two totally separate issues.

Sorry but you have totally misunderstood the whole thread. This was about the bag being the catalyst for my sister confiding in me for the first time about finding her dil sporadic moods hard to cope with recently. I've apologised for making it appear the bag was the only issue but I did mention about the moods. They do get on well but lately her moods have been worse. I'm putting it down to possibly early perimenopause. She's only 36 but I've heard that can happen.

I feel I need to add if anyone else feels like replying please stop referring to it being just an issue with the bag (my fault) it's about the whole picture recently so read the rest.

Stay in your own lane?

Good advice, in fact the best yet. Thank you

Advise your sister not to make a mountain out of a molehill and to replace difficult thoughts by doing something creative - where the hands go the mind follows.

Try not to encourage her and help her bring this none issue back down to nothing which it is.

If not Imagine you both when a real problem comes along. 😳😳😳

Oh for goodness sake we're not just discussing a bag here. We're talking about random moods for which I've already apologised for making it appear only about the bag

It seems your sister has made much of a non-issue and completely overreacted and is blaming the DIL's moods. We can never tell as we are not there, but maybe DILs "moods" are entirely related to your sister overreacting about other things as well? You all need to take a step back. None of us are perfect.

Just stop it, even her DH complains about her moods if she doesn't get her own way. Again that's not to say she's not a generally lovely person it's just that it depends on her getting what she wants at any given time,including money from my sister for holidays

It's almost like my sister is only as good as the last thing she gave whether that's money or babysitting. At least that's my understanding of this.My sister is soft so she will go with this behaviour to keep the peace.

Perhaps she should stop giving her money then? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do people really remember what they bought other people the previous year and check to see if they're using it??

You both sound like petty, nitpicking, old gossips honestly. And that's completely fine because it can be cathartic to vent frustrations with someone equally petty. Perhaps an outlet for nitpicking is all your sister needs to have a calm relationship with her DIL but, good lord, do so with the understanding that it's not that serious. Don't start analysing the poor woman's hormone levels, enjoy bitching about her behind her back and move on.

OMG. Stop discussing this poor woman.

Agree. I can sometimes be a bit moody and short around my mil cause she annoys me. If I knew she was then having phone calls with her sister (I’m 35, similar age to the dil) chatting away about how I must be peri menopausal, I’d probs be even more moody around her.

Could you sister speak to her son about it and ask what happened about the bag?

You've repeatedly told us how lovely the DIL is. But make even more of an effort to tell us her faults. Moody, sulky, likes to get her own way, spends unwisely, doesn't appreciate her MIL's generosity.

I'm sensing you don't like the DIL at all.

Whatever you do, make sure it's not this.

It's a bag. A bloody bag!

Can you put me in touch with the DIL? I'd like the bag please, and I promise to tell your sister how much I love it.

Everyone wins.

As far as the poster who said I'm being over involved I also accept that but in my family one person's issue is everyone's issue & we pile in to help each other.

I hate that!!! My DPs family is exactly like this and my family really aren't which can sometimes make me feel a certain way. I am still polite and I generally enjoy their company but I have a few icks that only I see, but none of them see about each other. Example - MIL will always look for validation (not maliciously, just lacks confidence I think) 'oh my dinner doesn't taste nice I'm so sorry' when dinner in fact tastes nice, 'oh I bought grandchild that' pointing at an item of clothing etc etc just things that nobody in that family would pick up on about each other but I do.

In a real roundabout way what I'm trying to say is that you and your sister have a completely different view of how you say things and for what reason than she would as an outsider. Her moodiness might come from places of being fed up of her digs, which you view as concern, or ways in which she says something, topics she's involved in.

I can see there are typical mil haters here when I've also repeatedly said my sister has a great relationship with her dil but even her DH finds her unpredictable moods hard ro cope with. Again I will say thanks to the posters who have understood this post. I don't hate the haters but I do feel sorry they can't understand or admit there are dil who do hurt those who only try their best including giving them money for holidays & babysitting at every request. To the poster who said we gossip about the dil, it's the first time my sister has ever spoken negatively about her and only out of concern. I can see this will land on deaf ears so it's a bye bye from me. I will carry on helping others here.

we should be able to see things from both perspectives. I always can but that's me 😊

That’s funny, you can’t see anything from the DIL’s point of view at all.

Currently the poor woman is gossiped about on the phone by her MIL and her sister and the subject of a MN thread as well as being diagnosed on a whim of yours as perimenopausal.

She clearly didn’t like the bag. At all. If she had, she’d have used it.

Nearly a year later, her MIL brought it up, so she pretended she hadn’t heard her say anything rather than come up with a lie on the spur of the moment.

She obviously blanked the comment from your sister because she didn’t know what to say.

So her choices were ignore and be thought even more moody or blurt that the bag was naff so she got rid (or whatever).

As you say, it’s not really about the bag. It’s about not knowing what to say when your sister put her on the spot.

If you’d bother to read my comment and those of others you would have noticed I gave you tips on coping with moods and managing the problem.

I know it’s not just about the bag but it is about her over the top reaction which triggered her mood.

Dont snap at people who are doing their best to help a stranger.

we should be able to see things from both perspectives. I always can but that's me 😊

Yeah try and see it from DILs pov as well, poor woman is allowed to be a bit short or snappy sometimes without being associated with peri menopause. I’m not surprised there’s a lot of MIL bashers on here when this is how the MILs behave towards their DILs!

OK, I get the picture,it's all down to my sister. I'll give one more example of the moody behaviour. During a family wedding DH & I were sitting at the same table as my sisters family. Unfortunately dil was in one of her moods. I asked her if she would like me to take the toddler for a walk in the pram as she was having trouble settling her. The reply was I can take care of my own child thank you. I apologised for offering but felt awful so I know how my sister must feel.This is the type of behaviour my sister puts up with when the mood strikes. Those of you who are blaming my sister here,I'm sorry but you are wrong. I'll stress again she is mainly lovely & I like her so does my sister but in this ocassion there are 2 sides to the coin & I understand my sister confiding in me for the first time asking what I would do. In the bigger picture it's no big deal. She's just wants ideas on how to help defuse moods & situations she doesn't deserve.