Should I tell his wife?

[Unicornsfordays]

Not a huge deal, but a random guy messaged me on Facebook this evening wanting ‘sex chat and to swap pictures’.

He sent me unsolicited dick pics and wanted me to send pictures of me. I literally barely said anything apart from to ask what he wanted (given I didn’t know him). His profile picture was of him and his wife.

It took me two minutes to find her, and I called him out straight away and he blocked me.

He wasn’t ‘cheating’ in a serious sense, but I am so sick of men and the disrespect. It’s just gross. Does his wife deserve to know? I don’t know her. They have kids. My general feeling is everyone has the right to the truth, but I don’t know if it’s just mean.

Do I message her and let her know what an arse her husband is or is ignorance bliss?

I've noticed a lot of posts on here from upset/uncomfortable women saying they're aware their partners browse through Facebook profiles of attractive young women (whom they have no other reason to be looking at).

They're invariably told by some MNettrs they might be just "nosey" like them.
Their noseyness somehow doesn't extend to non attractive young women however.

(The lack of understanding among some wonen of how a significant portion of men think and operate never fails to amaze me. They project their own thought processes and motivations onto men, not realising what an utter fallacy that is. They don't seem to have twigged that the vast majority of porn is made by and for men, that the vast majority of prostitution is for male clients, that nearly 100% of sex crime is by men, that there are permanent strip clubs in nearly every large city, used by nearly 100% men etc. etc.).

Anyway, there was one lady on here who became so aware of it that she suspected he'd be searching for a young coffee shop worker whom she saw him staring at when they were out for a coffee, and sure enough; she confirmed he was searching for her Facebook etc profile some time later that night.

They could look up a million explicit images online but those aren't of "ordinary" women they see/meet/know/feel like they could meet. That's what motivates them.

The men like this one take that to another level (or two) by trying to communicate and by sending explicit pics etc.

His wife will know from the picture, surely?!

I also think they get a kick out of the non consensual element. There are plenty of avenues to engage with willing participants in sex chat / picture exchange online.
I think they get a thrill from knowing you’re just someone unsuspecting on a normal social networking site.

On one hand, you’d think, sure, she should know. But honestly, do you really want to open that Pandora’s box? I can already picture the chaos—both of them blowing up your phone, dragging you into their messy drama like you’ve got nothing better to do.

You've probably got more important things to worry about than playing referee for some random people you don’t even know. Personally, I wouldn’t waste a single second of my energy on someone else's circus....

I can always block if they try to create drama. I’ve sent a clear message with evidence, and apologised for having to do so. I’ve reported it to Facebook and the police and that’s all I need to do.

it’s very clear I do not know him and did not invite it. She really has no reason to talk to me about it other than to ask for the uncensored pictures if she wants to verify it’s him from his penis and his hands.

Very possibly.

I suspect they also get carried away and fool themselves that they're going to hit the jackpot with an attractive young woman who is "up for it".

A certain type of man tends to interpret women dressing up for a night out and posting pics, or posting bikini pics on holidays etc. as seeking attention and "up for it".

They would interpret her posting anything other than a head to toe sack s seeking attention and up for it, tbh.

In most cases the young women are most definitely not, or if they are trying to attract the attention of a man with some flattering/nice pics on SM; it's likely to be someone they have in mind, not some randomer who is, in fact, not even single.

Anyway, I'm not saying you even had pics dressed up etc. ....just pointing out his these "men" tend to think. They really do convince themselves it's for their attention/benefit and advances from them night be welcome. They send the dick pics because they think the women might want to see their size, be impressed etc.

@Unicornsfordays Cyberflashing is an offense under the Online Safety Act, so it’s definitely worth looking into.

If I were in your shoes and felt strongly about it (though, this didn’t happen to me, so just going off the assumption), I’d report that creep and report on FB as well. But I’d definitely steer clear of getting involved in other people’s personal messes.

This is vile. As soon as I got to the sentence about receiving unsolicited dick pics my mind was made up that you should absolutely tell the wife. Teach the dirty bastard not to do it!!!

Yes that’s probably true, and not that that would be an excuse anyway, but I literally have no pictures like that on Facebook. My profile is just a headshot (very similar to my LinkedIn one so professional).

Do men not realise that penises in the abstract are really unattractive anyway?

Does he know you somehow? Has he seen you somewhere?

Obviously it could be totally random but I'm wondering why he choose the profile of a young woman with just a headshot on FB.
They usually creep over photos where they get to see the woman's figure etc before they do things like this.

I'm just wondering if there's some reason he's zero'd in on you.

(Not that he might not be doing it scatter gun to lots of profiles).

I thought this was illegal now, dirty little grubby man ! Report him!

Maybe someone has hacked his account?

Also a crime, if you’re talking about the photos.

Do men not realise that penises in the abstract are really unattractive anyway?

No, they are extremely fixated on them and impressed by them; they are turned on by body parts like boobs, asses and vulvas ..... and presume women feel the same.

(Kind of like the opposite of the women on here who read a poster saying they keep seeing their partner browsing young, attractive womens SM profiles and say "I'm nosey like that, he's probably just nosey like me". Nah, he's not, mate.)

Perhaps set your privacy settings to friends only

Maybe but I’ve addressed why that’s unlikely upthread

I have - we had a mutual friend (who I also don’t know but may have been added years ago!) so I assumed I might have known him when I accepted the request and message.

No I definitely don’t know him IRL and I live at the opposite end of the country.
I do get quite a lot of messages from men on FB that get filtered into my spam. Again, literally not inviting it from the style of my picture but I’m not entirely unfortunate looking 😂 even happens on LinkedIn tbh, not dick pics but messages that have no professional basis.

I think they just like to try their chances and message a lot of women hoping one will bite.

Yes this is possible especially on Facebook. My dd and a friend have been hacked more than once. Both on Facebook. The fact that the profile photo is of him and his wife might well be a clue. How easy it would be for him to use another account just for himself.

If you share a FB friend/contact in common, then presumably you popped up in his "people you might know".

(If FB still does that).

You obviously have a good looking head shot so he thought he'd have a go; I'm sure you're right in saying this is extremely unlikely to be isolated behaviour.

You have to wonder if these guys are under the influence when they're doing stuff like this too.

even happens on LinkedIn tbh, not dick pics but messages that have no professional basis.

You must have one great looking head shot lol

Yes but if the penis is his it’s him isn’t it, so I said if she wanted to verify I would send the uncensored pics, though she may be able to tell from his hands anyway

😂 I just think a lot of men are chancers!

Sending someone else’s explicit images even with the consent of the forwarding recipient is also a crime OP. I would not send these to her, in case you also risk being reported for a sex crime.

It’s not - it’s there to stop acts of revenge. It’s a very necessary law in these days of social media.