Should I tell his wife?

[Unicornsfordays]

Not a huge deal, but a random guy messaged me on Facebook this evening wanting ‘sex chat and to swap pictures’.

He sent me unsolicited dick pics and wanted me to send pictures of me. I literally barely said anything apart from to ask what he wanted (given I didn’t know him). His profile picture was of him and his wife.

It took me two minutes to find her, and I called him out straight away and he blocked me.

He wasn’t ‘cheating’ in a serious sense, but I am so sick of men and the disrespect. It’s just gross. Does his wife deserve to know? I don’t know her. They have kids. My general feeling is everyone has the right to the truth, but I don’t know if it’s just mean.

Do I message her and let her know what an arse her husband is or is ignorance bliss?

'Hey, sorry about this but I thought you aught to know, your husband messaged me randomly on Facebook yesterday then sent me an unsolicited dick pic. I decided that if I were you I'd want to know. Sorry to be the barer of bad news. But, heads up'.

I would tell her if it were me as I would want to know. But I think more important, as others have suggested, is reporting this. The more its reported, the less these idiots might do it.

Or maybe come at it from another way such as 'could you please let your husband know his Facebook account has been hacked, these are the messages I've received from his account today' and attach everything except the photo or block out the photo. Then if she knows already or doesn't want to know she won't 'shoot the messenger'.

You answered your own question. A stupid twat, that’s who!

It’s beyond me how any man thinks sending an unsolicited dick pic to a woman via Facebook chat is going to impress them or make them horny. Fucking losers 😂

I’d be conflicted whether to message his wife or not. If you’re prepared for any backlash from her such as threats or “you’re lying” / “you’re trying to ruin my relationship you bitch blah blah blah” then go for it.

Update us with her response if you do.

My own experience of showing someone that their significant other is a cheat (with proof that he had invited me over to his house and removed all traces of her living there) was that she didn't want to hear it and is still with him to this day 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I've had married men do this to me on two occasions. One didn't slip the wife in until 3 weeks into chatting me up. He then moaned she hadn't shagged him for months. He'd beg me to meet him for drinks etc but wanted to actually come to my house on several occasions for some fun. I basically scared him off on purpose, everytime he tried I'd start being a therapist and suggesting ways to communicate with his wife 🤣🤣 he was pathetic. He 100% wanted to stay with her for the security but totally wanted to give his sexual energy to anyone but her. He was glued to his phone aswel. I noticed he was 24/7 online. I can't help but wonder how sad she must have as she must sense what he's up to. I ignored him in the end. He'd message once every couple of weeks trying again and I'd just ignore him.

I will never understand the thought process behind this. Some man feels horny so decides to send unsolicited pictures of his (always less than impressive) cock to random strangers? Does that EVER work?
And has any woman in the history of the sodding world decided to send pictures of her vag to people she doesn’t know? Can you imagine on a random Friday night thinking “I’m bored, what shall I do? I know, I’ll take pictures of my vagina and send them to strangers”???
I would tell her. Affairs are bad enough, but at least they usually involve consenting adults. Sending dick pics to random women is creepy and stalkerish. I would want to know so I could get rid of him (and disinfect my body afterwards. It’s grim!)
I would also tell the police. It is a form of flashing.

OP, please report this to the police. You did nothing to provoke this. Ever since Sarah Everard was murdered, by a man who started out with ‘minor’ sex offences that were ignored by police, I have been horribly aware how sex offenders escalate if they are not stopped.

Thank you - I will report it to the police, even though it feels somehow a bit OTT, I am really just totally done with men being so gross and sexually predatory. I wasn’t inviting it, I was just up late minding my own business drawing 😅

I will also tell his wife, we are not friends on Facebook so she may not see the message easily (I think it goes into requests…) but I think she deserves the truth and then she can decide what to do with it. I don’t care if she gets upset with me, I don’t know her at all.

I have said this -

“Hi - I’m really sorry to be contacting you, but I received some quite disturbing messages from your husband last night.
I’ve attached screenshots, but I’ve covered them as I don’t want to send the original images without your consent. I am happy to if you want to verify it’s him. Cyber flashing is a crime. I’m sure he’s doing this to other women, and I for one don’t really appreciate being sent unsolicited pictures of genitalia.

You’re in his profile picture so it didn’t take a genius to find you. So disrespectful. I very much doubt I’m the first. He blocked me as soon as I said I would tell you. I imagine he will have tried saying his account was hacked. Etc etc… but given his reaction when I mentioned you, I suspect that will be a lie.
I just wanted to let you know so you’re informed. I can’t stand men who do things like this and think everyone should have the benefit of the truth. Sorry again.”

I’ll send in a bit so the poor woman gets the chance to at least have her morning coffee… 🙁

Great work OP. She
deserves to know what her DH (d-head not darling husband) is up to. What she chooses to do with that information is up to her.

Great message, I’d always want to know if my husband was creeping on other women.

Thanks I’ll report back when / if I hear. I’ve also got to call 101 now and waste a load of my Saturday because some men just can’t help being perverts…

I would absolutely want to know. Even if she already knows.
You can say something like I am sorry if this upsets you. I wasn't sure whether you knew already or not and I certainly don't want to make things worse or interfere but I have been sent unwanted messages by your husband. I personally would want to know if I was you so here are the screen shots. I won't contact you again and I wish you no harm.

Then screen shot the messages.

Did she choose him knowing he sends unsolicited dick pics to other women online and asks them to send pics of their genitals??

(And I don't think the op wants congratulations, I think she wants to do the right thing. Kinda obvious, is that not?)

Also, learn to punctuate.

Thanks, and no not wanting congratulations at all. I have ASD and sometimes I worry what my instinct is, isn’t the same as other people’s. I don’t want to be unnecessarily mean, and I don’t like drama, but I do think everyone deserves the truth.

He has young daughters, it’s so sad they can’t just be normal.

Good luck, OP. Another reason to ignore friends requests on FB from people who have no connections in common. What an unpleasant and now also stressful situation.

Well done OP. I think you have done the right thing.

You're doing the right thing. If his wife chooses to disbelieve or chooses to continue the relationship, that's up to her but she has the right to know (and you have the right to tell her).

It may fit into a picture that helps her assess him/the relationship and make decisions or protect herself.

In the wider picture, I agree with a poster above that people often wrongly dismiss "minor" stuff like this as not linked to major stuff. But that's a fallacy.
It needs to be recorded to form a picture of his activities in a criminal/legal sense.

I don’t blame you for asking opinion here, OP. My main instinct is to tell them, but it can also be daunting thinking you might get nasty repercussions. I think you should have also pre-warned the wife that you were reporting to 101.

You can use the online report. It’s much more efficient.

www.police.uk/pu/contact-us/

Well if he flashed in real life there would be no question it was a crime. It’s no different really.

Thank you - he has blocked me on FB so I can’t get his profile details but I have his full name and location

That’s all you need for the form.

Honestly, what a scumbag. I’d tell his wife - maybe send her the reference number once you’ve reported so she knows it’s serious rather than some sort of scam.

If I were sent unsolicited sexual images (dick picks) I’d go straight to the police and let them sort it out.

She’ll find out in the course of their investigation, which will likely reveal other women he’s approached, and she can make a decision as to whether she wants to stay with him or not.