My husband has left me I'm devastated

[Lemonsandlemonade]

My husband of ten years and in a relationship with for 20 years has decided tonight that he is no longer in love with me and wants to leave me.

All he can say is that he no longer wants to be with me but loves me. He swears and I believe that there is nobody else.

I have no idea of next steps. We have a mortgage.

we have a beautiful three year old together and now I have to tell him that daddy and mummy no longer are together.

my world is broken.

Good God! All the 'cherchez la femme'! Do posters not realize that OP is not ready for that! Right now it's all she can do to keep her head above water with the fact that he doesn't love her anymore.

Just stop it, for her sake. She may have hidden the thread, but she may be silently popping in. Right now what she needs is just 'You'll get through this'.

Personally, if I were her I'd ask for this thread to be deleted. And perhaps start a new one when she's feeling a bit stronger or less confused at what's going on in her life.

Got to agree
Op is already blaming herself.
(She hates herself )
Her dh is not making sense
Nothing is making sense.
Chuck in the ow ( how do they sleep at night?) and it all starts to make sense- as pp have said , he's already following the script.
But let's cut to the end - Yes OP you will be alright - better than ever , and Mr 'let's get back to normal' will be crying a different tune (and begging to come back )

People break up all the time but it is the HOW that is important. A partner especially one of many years deserves more than a " that's it". It's just common decency. Unfortunately people who have affairs have to demonise their partner to make themself feel better.

Of the 8 marriage break ups I know of ALL of the men are still with the affair partner.

You’re wasting your breath. This has been going on on every page almost from the first post. People won’t let up. OP has repeatedly said she doesn’t think there is anyone else. She’s posted about the ups and downs of the relationship and the very relevant IVF to conceive their child. And still it continues - new posters not bothering to check and see it’s been said a hundred times before, before they say it again. The misandry is palpable - men posting threads about their wives leaving aren’t harangued about other men.

OP is getting to grips with the man she loves telling her he no longer loves her, and the emotions will be very different when considering he would rather be alone than be with her, as opposed to leaving for another woman she can blame and hate. Why push her down that rabbit hole ? At the moment what’s right in front of her is that she’s alone - the reason is irrelevant. The outcome is the same. Sixteen pages of ‘there’s another woman’ and ‘this is the script’ when OP has told us she doesn’t believe there is, is cruel and pointless. She posted for support that wasn’t forthcoming and left. I, for one, don’t blame her.

And I’ve seen three friends’ marriages break up, and in each case the wife had an affair. In one case the wife left for the affair partner (single and wealthy) and her kids were left with their dad. Another was found out after husband became suspicious and followed her to her ‘date’ destination. Divorced soon after. And the third was found in the marital bed with the husband’s best friend. I’ve also had two work colleagues confess that they were having affair with their BiLs - one having asked me to cover for her so she could get out to see him. So forgive me if l don’t share the view that only men cheat.

No one is saying ‘only men cheat’. But I think it’s borne out by more than anecdotal evidence that when a man leaves his family out of the blue there is likely to be cheating involved. Probably the same
for women tbh.

My point had nothing to do with whether or not men cheat.

It has to do with the fact that the OP simply isn't ready to even think about it. She's still reeling with the fact that her DH is leaving her, it's all she can handle right now.

When she has had time to digest this bomb he's set off in her life, then she can consider 'other things'.

How is he being pushed to leave when he’s suggested they live in the same house for the sake of the child ?

Perhaps because he thinks it would be best/cheaper/easier for him to stay in the house (dressed up as it being in the interests of the child obvs)

@Lemonsandlemonade i hope you are doing ok. Just take every hour as it comes and get through that. I hope you have someone in real life to talk to.
There are some kind and understanding women on here too. If you don’t feel strong enough for this thread, maybe reach out to someone, I am sure they would not mind ( I wouldn’t), take care of yourself x

I am sad to hear about your situation. I send you hugs indeed.

Yes, this is clearly the case as I said upthread some time ago. But my point in reply to that poster was that if he was being pushed by another woman to leave, it doesn’t make sense to suggest he and OP stay together.

@Rosscameasdoody I didn't say only men cheat.

Not necessarily a woman!

I have to agree most men don’t leave unless there is someone else, either that, or they have gone off you because you have let yourself go! Or sex is stale! If that’s not the reason, why is he on the couch?

I am sorry, it must be gut wrenching for you- been through this myself a couple of times, fortunately I wasn’t married & younger at the time. 🫂

How are you getting on OP ? Hope you are doing ok.

Hay a thread I thought I would update.

In the 5 weeks that have transpired since my husband dropped the bomb that he no longer loved me.

He is living in the family house as he is refusing to leave and if he leaves he won't pay a single bill which would leave me without enough money to live.

He has now admitted that he is seeing someone new. After 5 weeks he has jumped into bed with someone. He went to buy my son clothes with her today.

I have an appointment with a solicitor and also CAB.

I have applied for social housing.

I am working my way through sorting the house to try and get it ready to sell.

I was doing ok but hearing about this other woman has shocked me and made me sick.

I have a very low opinion of myself at present.

I feel fat and ugly and not worth a lot.

I am so sorry he is such a swine. Please don’t take yourself at his valuation - you are worth a lot more than that.

I'm glad you are getting the practicalities sorted out, but I hope you also have some support for yourself from friends and family. All the best.

Nope. Don't let his actions make you feel worthless. You haven't done anything wrong. It's entirely on him.

Be glad you are seeing the real him and be grateful he is someone else's problem. It is awful now but it will be better in long run.

What I'm finding so hard is the thought of sharing time with my son. Thinking I won't see him on Christmas or birthday or each weekend is crippling me.

The thought of this other woman having a hand in raising my son knowing I have no way of stopping him introducing her to him anytime he likes also hurts like hell.

I feel hatred towards him and her.

Its very likely this was happening before he 'dropped the bomb'. The guy is a scumbag who has dropped his family for a new woman. You are not to blame and your worth is not measured by the behaviour of this immoral pos. You are doing great. Keep focussing on the future and building a life for yourself and your child.

I am so sorry you have now found out about OW. I understand how you feel. Sadly the affair will not only have been just in the last few weeks.
You have done will by getting appointments and the house ready for the sale. You have to be strong for your DS and try not to show the negative feelings towards his father in front of him.
Look after yourself xx

will =well

Really sorry. Be very kind to yourself. Block negative thoughts about yourself as much as possible. They are counterproductive and utterly unfair. When you start spiraling down to negative thoughts about yourself or your body pull yourself up short and treat yourself lovingly. Throw something of his away or sell it and put a little money in a jar to be saved for a treat. Don’t worry about him stealing time from you and your dear child. It may never happen. Or if it does you may use that time for new hobbies, friends, or career.