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Original poster

Husband wants sex once a month or less.

108 replies

beazwx · 18/11/2024 20:54

Hi everyone!
I will try to make the story short.

We have been married for almost 4 years. The first year of our marriage we spent 6 months without having sex, he said it was due work and that he was tired. Even on the weekends he would "be tired". Months later I found out he was watching porn and have been visiting strip clubs... one day he came home from a trip with friends with a love bite on his neck that he got from a stripper during a VIP lap dance. After that |left for almost a year, but we got back together. Our sex life was always a nightmare.
He would not even get hard sometimes. It feels like he doesn't have any need for sex.
The thing is I am tired of this sexless relationship. What makes it hard breaking up is that I love him more than anything, I have planned my whole life next to him and it is just so hard to let it go.
I have been wondering if he is still watching porn and got to hide it better from me...
I recently went through his old computer and I found out at least 2 different çamsex website he used to use in the past (the browser settings showed it was opened 4 to 5 years ago).

What do you guys think might be going on?

I talk to him and he says the lack of sex is bc he is tired, or bc his sex drive is lower than mine... but it's been difficult to buy it.

I am afraid I am being too naive. Bc even tough I am not happy, I still find myself too attached to him. We are like best friends. But I often feel we are like roommates too.

Any kind words would be appreciated.
Ps: I am 28yo and he is 36.

OP posts:
Hemorrhoids · 18/11/2024 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 20:57

beazwx · 18/11/2024 20:54

Hi everyone!
I will try to make the story short.

We have been married for almost 4 years. The first year of our marriage we spent 6 months without having sex, he said it was due work and that he was tired. Even on the weekends he would "be tired". Months later I found out he was watching porn and have been visiting strip clubs... one day he came home from a trip with friends with a love bite on his neck that he got from a stripper during a VIP lap dance. After that |left for almost a year, but we got back together. Our sex life was always a nightmare.
He would not even get hard sometimes. It feels like he doesn't have any need for sex.
The thing is I am tired of this sexless relationship. What makes it hard breaking up is that I love him more than anything, I have planned my whole life next to him and it is just so hard to let it go.
I have been wondering if he is still watching porn and got to hide it better from me...
I recently went through his old computer and I found out at least 2 different çamsex website he used to use in the past (the browser settings showed it was opened 4 to 5 years ago).

What do you guys think might be going on?

I talk to him and he says the lack of sex is bc he is tired, or bc his sex drive is lower than mine... but it's been difficult to buy it.

I am afraid I am being too naive. Bc even tough I am not happy, I still find myself too attached to him. We are like best friends. But I often feel we are like roommates too.

Any kind words would be appreciated.
Ps: I am 28yo and he is 36.

We don’t have kids.

OP posts:
Wishicouldnotcare · 18/11/2024 21:07

The only kind words I could offer OP is leave him again. I don't understand why you went back to him when you knew exactly what he was like.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:12

Wishicouldnotcare · 18/11/2024 21:07

The only kind words I could offer OP is leave him again. I don't understand why you went back to him when you knew exactly what he was like.

He is so loving and kind to me, he promised never doing those things again and don’t have more contact with his bad influence friends. I don’t know why I see him as a good guy. Would having sex once a month bother you?

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 18/11/2024 21:15

Would having sex once a month bother me? No, but we've been together almost 20 years, I'm menopausal so rarely feel up for it and I'm also constantly exhausted with parenting. Once a month would be enough for me right now. In fact it's been about six weeks since the last time we did because of recent surgery.

But in the first decade of our relationship? Pre kids? No way.

Leave. Find love, not whatever this is.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:23

LostittoBostik · 18/11/2024 21:15

Would having sex once a month bother me? No, but we've been together almost 20 years, I'm menopausal so rarely feel up for it and I'm also constantly exhausted with parenting. Once a month would be enough for me right now. In fact it's been about six weeks since the last time we did because of recent surgery.

But in the first decade of our relationship? Pre kids? No way.

Leave. Find love, not whatever this is.

Thanks for replying! I am trying to find strength to leave

OP posts:
RebelliousStarrChild · 18/11/2024 21:25

Sounds like he only enjoys sexual interaction that he is paying for. You probably don't even want to know what he is really into.

Personally i wouldn't stay with him.

Dolly567 · 18/11/2024 21:31

Not normal!

DebOnDating · 18/11/2024 21:32

Have you seen the kind of porn he is watching or the strip clubs he goes to? I ask because your husband might be into men which is why he doesn't find it exciting to sleep with a woman.

Mumof2girls2121 · 18/11/2024 21:37

Sounds odd. Is he some kind of creepy perve using you as a cover?

YouFoundMe · 18/11/2024 21:38

Sounds like what one of my best mates has been going through except she hasn't caught him watching porn.

They recently went to a doctor and they found his testosterone levels were below average which explained his low sex drive. He's now taking pills but I'm yet to get an update if anything has changed (though it's only been 2 weeks since he's been taking them)

Might be something to look into..

ShouldIEvenBother · 18/11/2024 21:41

Porn addiction in males is a huge problem these days. It's one of the many reasons I stopped dating and having relationships with men - too much crap sex/ no sex because the blokes have this addiction (and I think the pandemic only exacerbated it).

There is a subreddit dedicated to this topic.

It really is a huge problem. But it doesn't have to be yours, OP.

Leave 🌸

Whocanbelieveit · 18/11/2024 21:42

Honestly leave him. This will not get better.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/11/2024 21:42

He’s really not worthy of you. That’s the nicest thing I can say. Expect better.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 18/11/2024 21:43

It would bother me. And you've only been together 4 years and don't have kids. Cut him loose. I'm in a virtually sexless marriage and losing my mind, however, as we have been together 22 years and have 3 kids. I've done the maths and we just cannot afford to separate without both living in poverty, so I stay for the kids.

melissasummerfield · 18/11/2024 21:45

You are 28, no kids and married to a creep who can only get an erection by watching porn… just leave. Hes not a good guy, he doesn't care about your needs, I can’t believe you left him and went back to be honest!

Amarige · 18/11/2024 21:45

You are a companion. I'm sure he loves you as a friend and someone he can wheel out to events where people go as couples and you're nice and amiable to be about in the home etc.

You're not an object of sexual desire to him.

Fine if you want to put up with that whilst he's getting his kicks elsewhere but it's really quite a sickening way to live.

He won't change.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:47

Mumof2girls2121 · 18/11/2024 21:37

Sounds odd. Is he some kind of creepy perve using you as a cover?

I ask that myself… I keep wondering why would he use me as a cover? What a sad life

OP posts:
Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:49

Amarige · 18/11/2024 21:45

You are a companion. I'm sure he loves you as a friend and someone he can wheel out to events where people go as couples and you're nice and amiable to be about in the home etc.

You're not an object of sexual desire to him.

Fine if you want to put up with that whilst he's getting his kicks elsewhere but it's really quite a sickening way to live.

He won't change.

It makes a lot of sense. That’s actually how I feel to him, you know? I don’t feel he desires me as a woman. I wonder why would he want to have me next to him then? Just to play married? I can’t understand…

OP posts:
Driedonion · 18/11/2024 21:50

His habits sound disgusting and are disrespectful to you. He’s supposed to be loving and cherishing you, not paying for sleazy hookups.

Loloj · 18/11/2024 21:50

I had this with an ex OP. I would walk in on him wanking or would find evidence of him watching porn but he didn’t want to have sex with me. V upsetting and left me feeling like crap and rejected. It then became a fixation for me which meant I actually ignored many other parts of the relationship that were wrong/abusive. Anyway, the relationship eventually ended (although I should have ended it years earlier) and I’m now married to a lovely man who makes me feel desired and sexy. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone like this - they rarely change.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:54

melissasummerfield · 18/11/2024 21:45

You are 28, no kids and married to a creep who can only get an erection by watching porn… just leave. Hes not a good guy, he doesn't care about your needs, I can’t believe you left him and went back to be honest!

thats it!!! He is a creepy!!! And he is just an everyday guy! I appreciate your words, I think I need some harsh comments in fact. i might being too soft to myself.

OP posts:
RebelliousStarrChild · 18/11/2024 21:57

beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:49

It makes a lot of sense. That’s actually how I feel to him, you know? I don’t feel he desires me as a woman. I wonder why would he want to have me next to him then? Just to play married? I can’t understand…

Show quote history

Having a wife makes him legitimate and not some weirdo who likes porn more than real women. You make him seem more normal to others and to himself.

Original poster
beazwx · 18/11/2024 21:57

Loloj · 18/11/2024 21:50

I had this with an ex OP. I would walk in on him wanking or would find evidence of him watching porn but he didn’t want to have sex with me. V upsetting and left me feeling like crap and rejected. It then became a fixation for me which meant I actually ignored many other parts of the relationship that were wrong/abusive. Anyway, the relationship eventually ended (although I should have ended it years earlier) and I’m now married to a lovely man who makes me feel desired and sexy. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone like this - they rarely change.

So happy for you!

is it possible to find a man who chooses us over porn?😭 this suffering has become so normal that I feel that the world outside of this relationship will just be the same

OP posts:
Cece92 · 18/11/2024 22:00

It's not normal OP. I understand some people have different sex drives but use are still young with no kids. He's happy to pay for these things but not have this type of fun and intimacy with his wife. My partners 42 and I'm 32 and my sex life has never ever been as good. I don't think he will ever slow down lol xxxx