Husband wants sex once a month or less.

[beazwx]

Hi everyone!
I will try to make the story short.

We have been married for almost 4 years. The first year of our marriage we spent 6 months without having sex, he said it was due work and that he was tired. Even on the weekends he would "be tired". Months later I found out he was watching porn and have been visiting strip clubs... one day he came home from a trip with friends with a love bite on his neck that he got from a stripper during a VIP lap dance. After that |left for almost a year, but we got back together. Our sex life was always a nightmare.
He would not even get hard sometimes. It feels like he doesn't have any need for sex.
The thing is I am tired of this sexless relationship. What makes it hard breaking up is that I love him more than anything, I have planned my whole life next to him and it is just so hard to let it go.
I have been wondering if he is still watching porn and got to hide it better from me...
I recently went through his old computer and I found out at least 2 different çamsex website he used to use in the past (the browser settings showed it was opened 4 to 5 years ago).

What do you guys think might be going on?

I talk to him and he says the lack of sex is bc he is tired, or bc his sex drive is lower than mine... but it's been difficult to buy it.

I am afraid I am being too naive. Bc even tough I am not happy, I still find myself too attached to him. We are like best friends. But I often feel we are like roommates too.

Any kind words would be appreciated.
Ps: I am 28yo and he is 36.

It sounds as though he is interested in porn and strippers but not intimacy. This obviously isn't a phase as it's been going on for a long time.

Stay if you want to live as friends and leave if you want a sexual relationship with your partner.

You are only 28. Don't settle for this. You should be with someone who desires you and wants to have that sexual connection and intimacy with you.

Thank you! It really opened my eyes. I couldn’t see things like that bc I see/used to see him with the best eyes possible.

So sorry you're going through this op. Please visit love after porn on reddit for support and resources.

It can be such an exhausting, lonely, and confusing time. You're not alone.

When you feel ready I'd suggest reading Dr omar minwalla secret sexual basement and integrity abuse.

Wishing you the best op.

Be grateful you don't have children with him.
Is there a possibility of using sex workers as he's already got some sleazy hobbies.

I highly doubt strippers give love bites sorry.

Exactly considering the amount of customers that are married.. hardly a good way to get repeat business.

Thank you so much! You are so sweet! I am already following the tips! I already feel that reading it will help me a lot, since I am not the only one going through the same situation 🫶

I think the testosterone should be checked

that’s what I think so too (now), bc I believe him at the time.
Hard to believe he would pay a prostitute…but they are indeed inside strip clubs right… Question is why would a prostitute give a love bite? It could have come from a random girl as well…

It makes sense! Do you think a prostitute would do it?

It's horrible this and must be eating you alive. I'm sorry.
It's most likely to be a randomer. Possibly a prostitute but unlikely to be stripper. He's given you an obvious lie as explanation.
Honestly the anxiety this must give you, you can have a better life. Leave him. Get some counselling and don't look back.
He doesn't sound like he has a healthy relationship with sex and this will only get worse.

For a price possibly

I am on my knees!! 🙏
I wouldn’t be surprised 🥲 the thing is he hides it so well… what man would deny sex? It just pisses me off… he is a perve out there but not with me

I don’t understand what is so special about getting a love bite to get to this point 🥲

Op you are 28 honestly you shouldn't be having to analyse his behaviours from every angle.
There is definitely someone better out there for you.

Why do you want him to be like that with you when 1. He's shown it doesn't interest him. 2. He's shown how he wants to live his life and has no concern for the impact on you.
Let him go to have that life and you get some peace and good D elsewhere. You won't look back you know. .

Right? What am I trying to do? My line was way crossed!

Give your brain a break..life should be fun at 28..you deserve better.good luck.

Thank you so much! I look forward to be happy!

Get divorced before you hate each other, stay friends if you want and then you can have all the nice bits of him you get now without the rejection and destruction of your self esteem!
You need and deserve more

There could be numerous things at play here. He needs to see his GP to get his testosterone levels checked. Considering the history do you really trust him and want to continue down this road? If you are desperate to save the marriage and he's being open and honest you should contact relate too

I definitely don’t trust him. He just went on a business trip for a week and my mind won’t stop thinking what he will be doing alone in that hotel room. Even if he won’t do anything, my heart races, I go insane thinking and doubting him… I think I wanna leave him but it is very hard

You are so young still and after 4 years it really should not be like this. I've been married for 30 years - all happy and active sex life until I got perimenopausal.
No kids and 4 years in-once a month is awful.
I get not everyone is the same but if it's not right at this stage in the relationship then it never will be.
When you have kids - that can bugger it up as you are so tired it's the last thing on your mind but then you make an effort and can reconnect. When you have peri- God! it has been worse than after kids but you can get your mojo back.
What I'm trying to say (I think!) is throw this one back- you will have all sorts of tough times if you marry and have kids and you need to know he has your back. You also need passion or you are just roomates. It binds you together as a couple. Yes we are a family but DH and I have a special bond that is just for us.
We are in our 50s and reconnected after a peri drought but I hope it carries on now for the next 30 yrs.

Sounds like he is a porn addict.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/doctor-warns-excessive-masturbation-is-behind-the-rise-of-an-embarrassing-male-health-problem-but-how-much-is-too-much/