Does this count as sexual assuault?

[AzureoftheEast]

A few weeks ago when we woke in the morning my partner told me that while I had been sleeping he had been kissing my bottom all over. He didn't say this in a threatening way, he just told me as if he had been doing something nice for me. I had no idea of this, I must point out that I had not been drinking the night before, I am sure I had not been drugged. I know that if a man has sexual intercourse or attempts it with a woman while she is asleep that is rape or sexual assault. I am feeling very confused now about what happened. At the time I thought nothing of it but now I am wondering about it. I feel a little stupid because a knowledge of consent in my job is a big thing and I assume my partner knows about such things because of his job too. I know that just because of his job that does not preclude him from sexual assault of course. In the past when it comes to sex he has always been very gentle and respectful but I have been doing some reading and found out that having sex with a sleeping partner is a fetish for some people. That makes a bit of sense because when we met he was not confident when it came to sex and not that experienced. We do not live together and have been together for 18 months. I have good friends but this is not something I want to discuss with them. Would like the perspective of more objective others to get some clarity on this please.

Really??
Lack of consent, perhaps?

I’m really surprised by the responses to this thread. This forum is known for being quite ‘leave him/dump him’ for what are sometimes quite trivial reasons, yet this behaviour seems to be ok?

I see a bare bum as a private area that consent is needed to mess around with. If he told you he’d been kissing your bare boobs in the night, or kissing your vulva… would that be ok too?

😂😂

Lol this did make me laugh but what’s the problem? If you’re in a normal, loving, caring relationship….they’d be no reason for me to be concerned 🤷‍♀️

In my opinion if you are in a loving relationship or even better a marriage you give a baseline of consent, it doesn’t need to be renewed with every interaction 🙄 but OF COURSE the second you say no then consent is withdrawn. I don’t see the problem and if I woke up to my husband doing things to me I wouldn’t mind as we are in a loving relationship and he’d never do something harmful to me so what’s the problem🤷‍♀️

sorry op but your thread is cracking me up thank you.

Have none of you pearl clutchers woken your man up with a BJ then? Bloody boring

Different strokes for different folks I suppose. But no-one touches me unless I’m awake and up for it.

Are you sure he wasn’t just saying it ? Surely you’d have woken up ?

lol 😂some need to give there men a bj now and again.

Relationship or not, consent matters.

If you’re asleep, you can’t say no. That’s the point.

If you have verbal consent and know that your partner likes to be woken up to something like that, fair enough but just going ahead and doing it? Different story.

I’d hate it and feel violated. If I’m asleep, leave me the hell alone.

Jees.

Pearl clutchers… it’s not pearl clutching to think carefully about your boundaries for your body. I’d only wake my partner up with a blow job if it was something we’d discussed as a thing he would like.

And I’d check afterwards it was ok.

Having open discussions about consent is essential.

I think if I went into the bedroom and found partner lying on top of bed, naked bum upwards, I may feel like giving that a quick kiss (assuming recently washed!) before telling him to get under covers to sleep.

But that would be an affectionate peck. I'd not be "terrorising his butt hole" to use a phrase from married at first sight!

i think the other poster is right we will have to fill in forms when we want to be with someone.

@lollypopsforme @Imperrysmum how fab that you're having such a hilarious time on here. You sound like Beavis and Butthead.

Lifes to bloody short for drama why not have a laugh.

Your attitude to consent is worrying.

One of the things I love most about my partner is the way he values my consent.

@lollypopsforme it doesn't matter how trivial a matter you think this is, the kind of puerile comments you're making just make you sound like a dickhead.

Or people can simply leave someone to sleep unless agreed otherwise.

It really isn’t hard.

I’m just really confused. We often get posts on this forum from people saying they woke up to their boyfriend or husband having intercourse with them and the replies are almost always that the person has been raped as they have not been able to consent because they were asleep.

I’m quite surprised so many people think it’s fine for a partner to do what they want to you sexually even if you are asleep, because they are your partner.

Im grown woman if im near a man or a woman (im bi) and all is good my words are not i give consent its wanna teach me.😂
Everyone is different i like to see the funny side of things.
Life gets boring otherwise.

Thank you.