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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you leave a lazy husband

146 replies

Pennyduke564 · 14/11/2024 12:06

Would you leave your husband if he is lazy if he doesn't help you with the house work and does not want to work and you work fall time and have kids and your husband is always starting arguments with you

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 15/11/2024 18:57

But how long has he not worked for? You say he was a fisherman and sold his boat, has he not worked for 6 months or 10 years. And well done on leaving.

User37482 · 15/11/2024 19:09

Do not leave the house. Talk to a solicitor and seriously, fuck him he’s awful. Your life will be so much better once you are rid (and probably cheaper too because you aren’t carrying a grown man).

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 15/11/2024 22:27

suburberphobe · 14/11/2024 12:08

I'd fuck him right off.

This.

Codlingmoths · 15/11/2024 22:31

Don’t leave without the kids, take them with you if you can. see a lawyer.

fiddleleaffig · 15/11/2024 22:58

I wouldn't leave but I would immediately move out of the marital bedroom. Have you a spare room at all? Or a dining room you can use as a bedroom. Do not cook for him or clean up after him. Do not do his washing or anything like that. Simply treat him as a lodger.
Then file for divorce, it's easy to do online, and speak to a solicitor about the process where it comes to the selling of the house. He cannot refuse, if he tries to, a judge will mandate it. He really has no choice in the matter.

It will be a tough road, but the end is so so worth it. You will find happiness again x

Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 15/11/2024 23:33

He has not been working for the last 4 years and refused to get a job and refused to help with the house work wilhile I work fall time from 5am till 9PM he will not help with any of the house work

OP posts:
StoatofDisarray · 15/11/2024 23:48

I'd divorce him and kick him out, yes.

Moonlightstars · 15/11/2024 23:57

He is
Lazy
Abusive
A shit dad
An unloving husband
You 100% must leave him.
But how you do this is important. From now on say absolutely nothing to him.
Do not react to him
Go to a solicitor. With experience in abusive marriages and get advice.
If he is likely to be violent do leave with the children without him knowing. Take as much documents (passport driving license bank statements etc as possible)
As well as important things to you like photos, pets, jewellery , kids favourite toys etc
But don't let him.know you are leaving if he may become violent. Please take the children.
Yes you have a right to stay but not if it is unsafe.

Angran1 · 16/11/2024 00:44

yes ! i did. lazy fat git did nothing. ! ate loads, got even fatter, ignored me, so i traded in.
...lovin life now.....😁

YearningForAWinteryWinter · 16/11/2024 00:54

Leave him.
A marriage should benefit both of you, not force one person to take on a huge burden, be constantly working while the other does nothing.

Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 09:11

Well ladies a little updated he started onther argument with me last night telling me that I am away from the house to much so I must be having an affair with someone else he doesn't believe that I am working

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 16/11/2024 10:14

Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 09:11

Well ladies a little updated he started onther argument with me last night telling me that I am away from the house to much so I must be having an affair with someone else he doesn't believe that I am working

Could you lock him out of the house. He needs to leave as he is not contributing anything. Seems very unfair that you have to leave . Can you change the locks and pack
Him a suitcase.

spanieleyes22 · 16/11/2024 10:14

Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 09:11

Well ladies a little updated he started onther argument with me last night telling me that I am away from the house to much so I must be having an affair with someone else he doesn't believe that I am working

He's clutching at straws. How stressful for you you poor thing

spanieleyes22 · 16/11/2024 10:15

Do you have anyone who could help you
Get him to leave. Like a brother or parents .

AmandaHoldensLips · 16/11/2024 10:17

You need to get a lawyer.

Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 11:23

He has already told me that he will not be leaving and that I will have to leave because he thinks I am having an affair and last night I told him that I might as well have an affair because I will be better off

OP posts:
RandomMess · 16/11/2024 11:26

File for the divorce on line yourself (saves £££), don't move out but separate - no more cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning for each other.

If you receive the child benefit phone up and put in a claim for Universal Credit as a single parent.

If he gets abusive or you feel threatened please call the police.

Flowers
Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 13:15

I am sat in our bedroom crying my eyes out and he is sat in the sitting room watching TV

OP posts:
feathermucker · 16/11/2024 13:21

Are you planning on taking the children with you if you leave?

Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 13:28

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 14:09

Yes I will be taking the children with me unless they tell me that they don't want to come

OP posts:
CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 16/11/2024 14:26

It doesn't sound like you're in danger so please don't do anything until you've spoken to a solicitor. They'll tell you what the implications of leaving the family home could be, especially if any of the kids don't want to leave with you. For example, he might claim to be the primary carer and you end up paying for his lazy arse to stay in your home.

So dry your tears and use the energy to find a solicitor, then make an appointment for next week (first hour is free with some companies).

It may be that you end up leaving anyway, but at least you'll be making an informed decision.

Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 14:33

It's all the arguments and him accusing me of having an affair with other guy and him being lazy and not doing anything around the house and me doing all the homework and food shopping and him just sitting on the sofa watching TV

OP posts:
Original poster
Pennyduke564 · 16/11/2024 15:40

He has not even bothered about coming upstairs to the bedroom to see if I am on he has not even bothered making a cup of tea for me or anything but he has been making him self a cup of tea and he has been telling the 3 older children that I am the lazy wife and mother and useless wife and morther and he has told them that he thinks that we are over

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 16/11/2024 16:38

@Pennyduke564 do not leave your home to this lazy oaf. Ignore this gaslighting to make you the bad guy. Please see a solicitor before you do anything. Only do things for you and the kids meanwhile. When you take action let it be on your terms.