What is wrong with young men?

[PortiasBiscuit]

DD 21yo , is beautiful, funny, intelligent and kind. Is asked out on dates all the time. Goes along on 3 or 4 dates, told she is all those things and more. Constant texting, plans for weekend trips and can’t wait to see you. Talk for hours.
Then .. nothing. One before last claimed his Granny had died so he couldn’t see her.
This has happened 5 or 6 times recently, every time I can see her confidence shrinking. Everytime she is hopeful it might be different. She’s not after marriage or settling down, just a bit of companionship and fun. What the hell is going on?

Some awful, really low and uncalled for comments about young men. No wonder dating is difficult if the female attitudes about men are anything to go by.

All of my sons are in long term relationship, however the most settled is the son in a long term relationship with another young man.

No game playing, no tensions over either family, no ‘inlaw’ issues, no threats to deny access to the children, no clingyness over communication…easy and straightforward.

As I thought. She can date whoever she wants but these men have all the options because every other girl wants them, so will be flaky and play the field/hedge their bets.

There's no shortage of attractive young women.

Seriously OP, I'd convince your daughter to forget about dating for a few years, just say no thanks.

Relationships are way overrated. More fun to be had with friends.

I think this is really unfair to say what is wrong with young men. My DS (22) has had four girlfriends. Every single one has cheated on him, including his most recent of two years because he was on a family cruise and she was lonely so hooked up with a guy at work. It is absurd. My DD (19) has very wonderful and kind boyfriend who I don't think has a mean bone in his body. It is not just a young man issue.

Thought I’d done, but obviously not. She wants a boyfriend, someone to have fun with, not a marriage. Of course it’s not her only goal, she works part time in a shop to partially fund her vetinary course at university.
Are you always such a goady idiot?

The danger is, the lower esteem goes, the more likely a person is to fall for a lovebomer - all these wonderful compliments are a fragile ego's dream. I meet overblown compliments with a cynical eye. It doesn't need saying multiple ways how great you are, it's cheesy cringe. You are allowed as a mother to think she's great, but a man waxing lyrical about her is just sucking up to get what he wants. Key is to observe how a man interacts with others when out and about. Kindness and respect in general, not just to convince a date.

I think women are likely to turn their backs on the whole thing. Who wants an impotent, porn fuelled man with no backbone. It’s a non starter. I wouldn’t want anything to do with this.

Lots of dds friends are now having relationships with women, as they find them wholesome, gentle and more attractive!

You are probably overworrying about her. If she works part time and is also at vet school, she will have lots of opportunities to meet men. Probably someone through uni is the best way. If it's off her course, then even better - things in common, instant understanding of the workload involved.

Nope, their looks don't matter at all in how they behave.

But your daughter should not be puting all her emotional eggs in one basket. She should date multiple guys at the same time till she is ready to become exclusive with one of them and he is with her.

In the mean time she should just have fun with it. Go on dates and collect war-stories to tell her friends on beer nights. That's part of the fun of dating in college.

@Emptyspiral your ds isn’t the only one to find things hard.

Fwiw when I speak to my two ds (both at Uni), they have quite a few friends who are in stable bf/gf relationship. So not what the OP describes at all.
My own ds says he is finding it hard to find someone too. In part because he is finding the whole dating scene quite fraught. (Not OLD even though it seems many of them end up down that route after struggling to date in RL).

The flakiness I feel is what you see everywhere. People getting invites for stuff, saying yes and not turning up etc…. It’s the case for b’day parties with children (and was already the case when my 2 were little). No surprise it’s also the case for a date.
Less going out in general since Covid too.

Its not making things easy for them whether boys or girls.

That’s assuming she is happy to sleep with 2 (or more?) guys at the same time…. (Well ALL exactly at the same time 😁)
Because they’re not going to wait to have the ‘we’re exclusive’ chat to do so.

Im saying get her the book, it’s a funny book, it’s a good book, it may give her some insight.
Have you read the book? if you haven’t then you need to read the book and it will give you the answers.

I know some nice young men who are respectful. Not in a dating sense as I'm 40s!

There were a bunch of rowdy teenagers smoking weed at the bus stop recently and I thought 'oh no'. But they turned out to be incredibly polite and made room for me to sit down inside (it was raining) and were happy to chat to the oldie (me).

Not sure with dating...perhaps dd should go to interest groups and get talking?

She doesn't have to sleep with any of them. In fact, I would recommend she doesn't.

"dating" does NOT equal "sleeping with"

Really? I personally love hearing male rappers bigging themselves up by calling themselves bad bitches.

Much better than the misogynistic use of the word in 90s rap. But even back then, we were teenage girls reclaiming it by calling our friends "bitch" or saying "she's my bitch" affectionately.

In my world, yers I agree.

In RL? I think most young people expect they’ll have sex after a few dates.
Actually the OP dd might WANT to have sex. She is 21yo after all. She is allowed to have a libido and to have sex.

Wow, unnecessarily rude.

the book I’m talking about is not aimed at controlling men through rules, perhaps the word “Bitch” in the title is triggering, but the book is about finding your own power within which by coincidence draws men to you like glue. It’s a funny interesting book, give it a go if you get a chance.

@Teacherprebaby What a snide and arrogant thing so say.

We're a pair bonding species and it's perfectly natural to want a boyfriend or even a long term relationship at that age. Maybe not for some people, but for most young women it's the case, even if it's uncool to admit so.

So was your comment tbh.
Yes as a 21yo she wants a bf. Just like you did I’m sure
Thats normal. And has absolutely no bearing on what eise is going in her life or let alone letting anyone think it’s her only aim in life.

That's hilarious.

Red pill 101.

Funny how many divorced women I know ended up much worse off than the man.

It's what men tell themselves and each other.

While they see their kids every other weekend, fuck around, and pay minimum child maintenance (and get their latest gf to look after their kids when they have them).

You've mentioned them "monpolising her time" and her staying up til 2am communicating with one.

Part of this is her own doing (not them ghosting, that's on them ...but her being too invested)..

They shouldn't get time and priority they haven't earned.