What is wrong with young men?

[PortiasBiscuit]

DD 21yo , is beautiful, funny, intelligent and kind. Is asked out on dates all the time. Goes along on 3 or 4 dates, told she is all those things and more. Constant texting, plans for weekend trips and can’t wait to see you. Talk for hours.
Then .. nothing. One before last claimed his Granny had died so he couldn’t see her.
This has happened 5 or 6 times recently, every time I can see her confidence shrinking. Everytime she is hopeful it might be different. She’s not after marriage or settling down, just a bit of companionship and fun. What the hell is going on?

Yeah, I think this is the message. It’s a tough one, especially when they are so persistent. She’s home soon, I’ve put fresh sheets on her bed and stick a hot water bottle in her bed.. onwards and upwards. Thanks everyone!

I have a son the same age who has the same sort of issues with women. He (In my opinion) is good looking, funny, good job. He starts dating women and the few where it's lasted past 3 months are so clingy! Hate the fact he has female friends, want to be joined at the hip early on. It makes no sense to me, the ones I've met have been so beautiful yet so insecure!

Tell her to forget dating for a while… concentrate on friend and career…. She meet people in life’s journey

I work with a couple of young men (21-25 ish) and honestly I'm horrified.
They are constantly on dating apps, each time they say 'wow she's amazing so hot!' but their intentions is one thing only. They are still happy for the chase and after a few weeks, it's ghosted or blocked. I'm glad I'm not young anymore. I can only imagine how these young women must feel.
Although from friends' experiences I'm not sure even men in their 40s are much better!

My DD is 21 and this is such a familiar (depressing) story. She tries to whittle out the 'players' so discounting them she struggles to get many dates even though she's bloody gorgeous, but it's the same old story with the ones she thought were good guys.

Since the summer we've had:

• A couple of guys wanting to 'talk' with no sign of an actual date, complete waste of time (for them as well as her!)
• Dating someone for a month, with great communication, getting on like a house on fire and were both exited about were it was heading, only to be blocked and ghosted completely out of the blue
• Started dating, early days but a real connection and again both exited about a potential relationship - he ends it as he's not over his ex.

I have rolled out all the usual cliches to her, and assured her that good guys are out there, and not to settle for poor behaviour, but I do despair.

I hate all the 'layers' of dating; talking, seeing someone, dating, going out (bf/gf) etc, it's like going out with someone now is seen as such a commitment by guys that they won't do it. A friend who works in a 6th form thinks this new way of doing things is very much geared in favour of boys to the detriment of girls (as are so many bloody things in the world 😞). I've said to DD that back in the day if you wanted to go out with someone you asked them out, you went out & they were your bf, until you broke up the you both moved on!

I really don’t think it’s part of the thinking for 20~25yo.
They're students and poor.

@Twogirlsonecup

andrew Tate is abhorrent

Why does she want a relationship at 21? Does she have any other goals?

I would tell her to stop the constant texting, if the guys want to talk to her they can make the effort to see her in person, she should tell them at the outset she doesn’t do text relationships, texting is easy, they get the dopamine hit without any effort, I honestly think texting was the beginning of the downfall of normal relationship behaviour.

There is hope OP. In contrast to some of the previous posters i work with a few young guys absolutely keen for a committed relationship with a nice girl, one met someone a few months ago and he's been really sweet about it, very enthusiastic about her proudly telling us about plans to surprise her with a nice meal out etc.
There have always been the awful cocky 'lad' types then the nice guys that are worth holding on for!

Too nice!
Get her the book “Why men love bitches” that should sort the issue out.

My youngest son 21 has had 3 girlfriends, one very controlling, one didn’t want him to go to uni, one came back from lovely mini break pre Xmas and cheated on him on NYE. He has decided not to date until he has finished uni hoping that during this time girls might be more mature 😂

If she's just going after the good looking, 6 foot + types then she's competing with every other girl for him.

@blablablaaaaaaaaa I think I remember that book. Isn't it just about being assertive and not being too people pleasing though? Sad that this is called 'bitch' because it sounds like something an incel would say.

My dd (and everyone we know) are experiencing the same.

My dd is confident, clever and beautiful. She is interesting and engaging and the intelligent and respectful chaps she meets are so keen and they date and do fun things together before it dies out in exactly the way. It is definitely dating apps and porn. They don’t need to ever have a relationship of any kind.

My dd doesn’t want to have any kind of intimacy without being in a stable set up, so she doesn’t want a serious relationship as such but one that feels like she is genuinely cared for and a trusted connection, not unreasonably.

I fear for serious problems ahead. Impotence from porn particularly.

My dd is focused on her studies and sports and is resilient, and now fast becoming indifferent.

It's about standing up for yourself and holding your own in a relationship, and knowing your worth - loved it, changed my whole outlook!

I was wondering this after seeing there was an uptake in young men voting for Trump or Reform. My generation would never.

Intensity from the start ,from a man, is a bad sign- these are the ones after quick convincing for a shag, and they will drop out when they dont get one, and a good thing too. Less intense from the start, not talking till 2 am in the first weeks. Meet once a week, twice max. Its not playing games, it's building for long term and sorting the wheat from the chaff. The ones interested in more will stick it out, others will fall by the wayside and, because it won't have been intense, there's less emotional risk to her if they do drop out.

Nah it's because there was a whole trend of using bitch in the titles of books, think it started with Get Rich Lucky Bitch.

Erm no that gets you even worse results.

Feeling feelings just makes them more scared. If you’re already in bed with them you at least have half a chance.

That's not what that book is about.

And being a "bad bitch" is a compliment these days.