Partner tries to ruin things that being me joy

[idontknowwhattoputhere]

So, just a few examples and I am just wondering why he is like this. Surely this is really strange behaviour and should be the opposite?

The worst period with him was after giving birth to me daughter. I could hardly walk downstairs. He made me bread with butter whilst he ate normal meals. He made me pizza one night and shouted at me for falling asleep when it was ready. On our first walk with our daughter, he stormed ahead and I couldn't catch up as I had a lot of stitches. I'm sure I was losing my mind with PND and I opened up about it and he said “you would have that, wouldn't you”

For my daughter's first birthday, he caused a huge argument just before all the guests arrived. He even tried to leave and not help me with anything. He does this on Christmas and birthdays.

I found a lump in my breast and he was awful to me. Really awful. Thankfully after an examination, it was clear.

Whenever I have a race he never comes to support me, not once.

He never does any gardening so his mum paid for a gardener to sort out our garden. I was incredibly happy with the results and he threw a broom on the floor and started shouting at me “You get everything you want!!!!”

It’s anytime I find joy in something he finds a way to take away my happiness.

He always does what he wants, I accommodate all of his training, competitions, and weeks away for training camps, and I'm very supportive. He would say the opposite which is unfair and untrue.

He is so incredibly selfish. He only buys himself food, only cooks for himself, doesn't contribute to anything at all, he very tight with money, very resentful when sending me a top-up as my hours at work are short due to our daughter's nursery times, which isn't my fault as he won't help. The only joy or interest he shows is in Jiu-Jitsu.

I said all of this to him, told him how he acts like a bachelor and doesn't deserve a family. I was completely set on leaving and he talked me out of it. I've applied for social housing as I rely on him financially. Yesterday as a “joke” he was calling me, stupid, dump, wrinkly and re*arded all day.

*PPD

Don’t let him talk you out of leaving again, he’s abusive and you don’t want your child growing up thinking that it’s normal.

Well I'm glad you're planning on leaving, I'm amazed you've stayed this long quite frankly. He doesn't like you being happy because he's an abusive shit. Pointless to spend your time wondering why, focus all your energy on getting out of there!

Holy shit!

Read your post back and image this was a friend seeking advice. It will be obvious to you that you need to leave and stay gone.

Please read back what you’ve written. He’s an abusive, manipulative arsehole and you need to get out of here ASAP for you and your child.

He’s treating you with utter contempt. You definitely need to end the relationship, I’m sorry it’s so hard at the minute with cost of living so high.

Yep, this one is over I reckon. He is not a nice person and he resents you. Time to start the lists and plans for leaving xx

If you Google abusive relationships, you will see that this is all a pattern. A script. For him, it's all about power.

There is a book called the Verbally Abusive Relationship which might help explain.

Key thing is that you need to get out, and understand that this is not your fault and he will never change.

God he is awful.

For the million and twelfth time I wonder why women accept men like this at all, even for five minutes, in their lives.

This is what an abusive relationship looks like… So sorry you’re having to cope with this awful man. Great you are leaving but he will try and talk you out of it with false promises, so be strong.

This.

FFS.

I was with an abusive asshole. I get it. Leave.

No doubt he was pleasant to begin with. It's no accident that abuse begins/ramps up in pregnancy. My exH waited til we'd moved countries for his job and I was struggling. Like sharks, men smell blood, they despise 'weakness'.

He’s a textbook narcissist - and he won’t change. Do yourself a favour and leave him bc if you don’t you and your dd will have a lifetime of sadness and trauma.

He doesn't contribute - so are you sure you couldn't manage financially without him? Do you work?

Leave him, and be honest with his mum about why.

Horrible, nasty, weak and truly pathetic man.

Get yourself and your baby away from him.

Thank you all, will read these after the school run. I meant he doesn't contribute to anything other than finances. He earns incredibly well. He gives me a set amount to top me up as my earnings are significantly less, which he hates doing but doesn't want to share finances.

I feel like I am so weak and just give it to him every single time.

You're not weak, you are in a very hard place. Don't let him talk you out of it again - someone who wanted to save a relationship with a person they cared about would not convince them to stay then spend the next day verbally abusing them, yes, even as 'a joke'. They would be reassuring and kind.

Next time don't open up to him he'll only use it against you. Get your ducks in a row, leave and never go back.

I'm afraid he doesn't 'act like a bachelor' - he acts like a spoilt child, and he's abusing you emotionally! You're going to need to break away for your own and your child's good.

He earns incredibly well. He gives me a set amount to top me up as my earnings are significantly less, which he hates doing but doesn't want to share finances.

No wonder he doesn't want you to leave, as he would then have to cough up according to a divorce ruling and CMS.

Maybe speak to women's aid if you are struggling to come up with a plan to help you leave yourself. This is no way to live and not a good environment for a child.

If he doesn't help with your daughter, doesn't really help financially, and is actually emotionally abusive, it sounds like life might actually be a lot more calm and pleasant without him. The initial change would naturally be scary, but can you imagine the future positives if you did leave him? Wishing you all the best.

He doesn’t want you to be happy and he is getting entertainment from abusing you.
leave him. If you don’t want your child to think this is normal
you need to leave.

He doesn't actually want you, just the benefits you provide. That's why he doesn't want you to leave. It's not a sign he has feelings for you. Leave as soon as you can.

Why did you have children with him even after all the abuse he has thrown at you over the years. He isn't your partner, he is your abuser. Reframe your thinking.